Partner on holiday with a female friend!

I'm so glad I found myself social circles in which no one spouts, believes or gives the time of day to regressive bullshit like this.

@Daisymay1000 ultimately, for one reason or another, it's best your relationship is over.

Truth is, I think there are lots of things going on here.

Firstly, you said there are 5 in the apartment - so her and 4 guys? If she is there for one of the guys, what makes you think it's yours? I can't see the other fellas being happy about one of them getting their end away in a 2 bed apartment.

Secondly, just because she is a 'pick me' (which it does sound like) doesn't mean that he WOULD pick her. However, the rest of your posts indicate some very deep rooted insecurity around this. That in and of itself is a problem whether it leads to you doubting your relationship and a lack of trust or whether it leads to elements of you being controlling - both are problems.

Thirdly, men and women can go on holidays together without it being more sinister. I have done it myself - one guy added on to our girls trip. Nothing sexual/romantic with any of us, just a nice guy going away with his friends. However, I can say that my OH at the time would have raised absolute cain (as he was exceptionally insecure, jealous and controlling) so I omitted that piece of information to save myself the headache.

Truth is, overall it sounds like you don't trust him. He's lied to you, which has confirmed for you that you shouldn't trust him. At that point, the why's and wherefore's become irrelevant

So naive.

I'm a realist.

Some women are hopelessly naive. My exH used to say that Gen X is the first generation to know less about men than their grandmothers did, and he's right.

You're revealing a lot more about yourself and your warped attitudes than you are about 'human nature'.

I wouldn't call a music festival a holiday. And it's different when the sexes are reversed. A group of women is not going to be lusting after the man and he's not going to be titillating them in a revealing bikini.

Men and women are not the same.

This

Absolutely this.

Calling women 'cool wives' or 'pick mes' is such a misogynistic response to this kind of thing.

You're wrong, and weirdly sex-obsessed.

No hun. HIS behaviour is disrespectful because he allows it. Girls like her are a dime a dozen. There are plenty out there but he explicitly chooses to keep her around (and lie about it).
Don’t be angry at her. It’s like getting angry at an animal for behaving like an animal.

Him on the other hand… He’s shown you who he is. Run and don’t look back. Life is too short to waste on liars.

Cheating husbands have nothing to do with mixed-sex friendship groups.

I've been on holiday with 3 men. I have plenty of women friends but the ones who would've been interested in that music festival that year couldn't come for various reasons. At least one of those men was in a relationship and it was a non-issue.

Several years later one of those men was the only man on holiday with 4 women (a city break this time). Again not deliberate (or even a point of interest), just how people's annual leave worked out.

Ha! YOU might think that way, but I think you'll find that while you're discussing art and politics etc., half your male so-called friend's mind is occupied with thinking about how amazing it would be to get into your knickers. There's this little thing called Human Nature, and many women are naive about it.

OP I am with you, I wouldn't be too happy if a woman joined my husband and his friends on a trip. Whatever anyone else says, there is definitely a different dynamic with one woman on a trip with a group of men. I could get round it if I was friendly/knew/trusted her enough though - the lying I absolutely couldn't get behind.

Some of the previous replies boil down to the age-old debate about whether men and women can truly just be friends. I don't think they can - not true, proper friends - without feelings developing on at least one side. Being good acquaintances is different. Or surface-level friends, to put it another way. But actual friends - as in spending lots of time together on days out, holidays, meals out, talking about lots and lots of things - that's how feelings develop.

I have tried having male friends, but it doesn't work, because they always ended up wanting more. And even if that hadn't happened, they'd have got a girlfriend eventually and forgotten about me. Female friends are much better for me, and so I don't really understand women who prioritise male friends. And I am VERY suspicious of men and the way Mother Nature made them! Most men won't be close friends with a woman unless they think they might get their leg over at some point.

OK so lying is good enough reason to dump him.

But yo u said he shouldn't go with her cos he knew it would cause a problem. Why is her being there a problem unless yo u think he'll cheat?

Because friendship groups look different to different people? Why wouldn't I want to go on a holiday with friends based on their genitals rather than their personalities, interests etc. They're just men. It's perfectly possible to share interests in books, films, art, music, politics with those weird penis'd creatures called men

Yeah, I have to admit, when I read that a woman was going on holiday with three men and no other women, she sounded like a pick-me. Probably has internalised sexism and thinks attention from men is worth more than attention from women.

She's not like other girls!!! 🤣

From how the op has described her the chances of sexual activity with at least one of the ‘boys’ would be likely.
From the content of her instagram account she certainly wants to give that impression

I’m totally with you OP. It’s the blatant lies that were so easily disproved with a little bit of a social media search that are the issue here. He totally disrespected you by thinking he could fob you off to shut you up. Let’s face it someone who can tell such lies so easily can lie about anything else. I would never trust him again and you were right to dump him.

Quite. As a lesbian I am wondering should I ban my partner from having any female friends, but male ones are okay.

I think maybe you're a little naive...have you met Mother Nature?? Do you know how most men's minds work? They'll all be ogling her in her bikini and hot-weather skimpy outfits, and she's either naive and oblivious, or isn't and enjoys being lusted after by three men. And it's not a mixed group - it's three men and one woman. A mixed group would contain more than one woman.

It isn't a healthy relationship if he would ALLOW you to do something.
It isn't a healthy relationship if he's lying to you.
It isn't a healthy relationship if you don't trust him.

Breaking up is for the best.

That's probably not 'just you' - but it's certainly not me

Agreed