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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think some people on here are way too obsessed with not being seen as racist?

335 replies

BadWordlePlayer · 02/06/2026 08:49

I’m posting in AIBU because this has been niggling at me for a while with the tone of so many threads lately, but it's really blown up following the bodycam footage of the Henry Nowak case.

There seem to be loads of posts these days where people are basically showing off how not racist they are, or how much they hate racists or the 'far right', or jumping in to call something racist at the slightest thing. It feels performative, like they’re desperate to signal their virtue and make sure everyone knows they’re on the “right” side. I get that racism is bad, obviously, but it sometimes feels like it’s taken over to the point where common sense goes out the window.

Henry Nowak shows how dangerous this mindset is. This poor 18-year-old student was stabbed multiple times by Vickrum Digwa, who then lied to the police claiming Henry had racially abused him. The officers took that accusation at face value, handcuffed Henry while he was lying there bleeding out and saying he couldn’t breathe, and didn’t treat him as the victim urgently enough. He died in police custody essentially. The mindset of those officers sounds exactly like the over-the-top “must not be perceived as racist” attitude you see in some threads here. They sidelined a dying boy because of a racism claim (which turned out to be a complete lie). That’s not just sad — it’s dangerous.

This isn't a left wing / right wing post and I’m not saying racism doesn’t exist or that we shouldn’t call it out when it’s real. I also hate the phrase "virtue signalling", but I can't think of a better one than it. This constant virtue-signalling and knee-jerk reactions make situations like Henry’s more likely, not less. People (including police) become so paralysed by the fear of getting it wrong on race that they get it horrifically wrong on everything else.

Am I being unreasonable? Or has anyone else noticed this shift on MN and in general?

OP posts:
TheWiseOliveOtter · 02/06/2026 13:36

OneTealShaker · 02/06/2026 13:26

The disingenuous dismissive nature of your comment is plan for all to see and won’t wash anymore. People can see for themselves.

No one can actually be this stupid I am going to assume you are being deliberately obtuse and ridiculous, just to get a reaction. I certainly hope so 😂😂😂

LuckyHazelFox · 02/06/2026 13:35

thisisplanetearthapparently · 02/06/2026 13:27

Is being thick/ignorant a disability?

It never seems to be an issue when Reform voters are called it.

LuckyHazelFox · 02/06/2026 13:34

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/06/2026 13:29

What are you talking about?

The so-called “silent majority” is shouting from the rooftops at the moment. It hasn’t been as fashionable to be racist as it was in the days of Enoch Powell.

That tactic isn't going to work anymore. Do you remember burning cars, looting and statues being toppled during covid? Anti-semitism rife on Palestinian marches? When the public have observed enough they won't stay silent.

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/06/2026 13:29

OneTealShaker · 02/06/2026 09:45

The silent majority won’t speak. Because of fear of being labelled racist by the rabid mob. The worrying thing is that their perfectly legitimate views are made out to be extremist. This is how race relations suffer. The left are causing this problem to become worse.

Farage is right about one thing. We don’t need to worry about him. We need to worry about what comes after him.

What are you talking about?

The so-called “silent majority” is shouting from the rooftops at the moment. It hasn’t been as fashionable to be racist as it was in the days of Enoch Powell.

thisisplanetearthapparently · 02/06/2026 13:27

hopeforhope · 02/06/2026 11:46

Referring to someone as most intellectually challenged people is a disability slur and just as insulting as a racist slur.
You used that disability comparison as an insult.

Is being thick/ignorant a disability?

OneTealShaker · 02/06/2026 13:26

TheWiseOliveOtter · 02/06/2026 13:21

So obviously what he did was awful, everyone agrees on that. But carrying a knife does not mean he has a free pass to kill, thats just nonsense.

The disingenuous dismissive nature of your comment is plan for all to see and won’t wash anymore. People can see for themselves.

TheWiseOliveOtter · 02/06/2026 13:21

OneTealShaker · 02/06/2026 13:09

He was literally carrying a knife…..sorry two knives, legally. Are you not following the facts.

So obviously what he did was awful, everyone agrees on that. But carrying a knife does not mean he has a free pass to kill, thats just nonsense.

HumberSquid · 02/06/2026 13:11

Sskka · 02/06/2026 09:14

Hardly, and yet it would have produced a better outcome than anti-racism did. That should prompt some serious thought.

To answer the OP, there was a shift towards doing absolutely anything so long as it didn’t make you look racist, but it wasn’t on here and it happened about ten years ago. If you see more of it on mumsnet these days, it’s because mumsnet is slow in catching up.

What, like it did in the case of Stephen Lawrence? Is that the sort of better outcome you favour?

BillieWiper · 02/06/2026 13:10

Twisterlollies · 02/06/2026 13:03

Well, they’re all clamouring to downplay the slaying of Henry. That’s fairly racist in my book. We all know their reactions had this been a young non white lad who bled out while handcuffed after being stabbed as his white attacker was fawned over and asked to choose his food from the kitchen.

I don't understand what you're talking about with food and kitchens? You can be anti racist and still being horrified by the lad's death?

OneTealShaker · 02/06/2026 13:09

TheWiseOliveOtter · 02/06/2026 13:07

What do you mean he has a free pass to kill? No he doesn't thats absolutely not true.

He was literally carrying a knife…..sorry two knives, legally. Are you not following the facts.

TheWiseOliveOtter · 02/06/2026 13:07

OneTealShaker · 02/06/2026 13:01

Looking for racism everywhere is part of the West’s decline into irrelevance. Starting with Europe.

It’s some kind of post rational, post truth, cult like obsession where logic is just so old school. Why celebrate treating people equally. Once the west had largely started to achieve that, it had to be about going one step further. Creating victims and victim narratives.

Of course, people will use it to play the race card, like this killer did. He has a free pass on killing someone in cold blood, and using the madness created by white saviour syndrome to excuse his behavior. This is utter madness.

The truth is that most rational Muslim people and people from ethnic minorities see this madness for what it is. Ever wonder why women from minorities are over represented on the right of politics. You know, the ones the progressive racists like to call names like ‘coconut’ because they refuse to conform to their version of victims that need to be saved.

What do you mean he has a free pass to kill? No he doesn't thats absolutely not true.

Twisterlollies · 02/06/2026 13:05

The truth is that most rational Muslim people and people from ethnic minorities see this madness for what it is. Ever wonder why women from minorities are over represented on the right of politics. You know, the ones the progressive racists like to call names like ‘coconut’ because they refuse to conform to their version of victims that need to be saved.

Yes the Tory Cabinet circa 2020 who were apparently ‘the most right wing in history’ compromised, among others, Rishi Sunak, Kwasi Kwarteng, Suella Braverman, Priti Patel and James Cleverly.

It doesn’t sit comfortably with them that the UK is actually one of the most left wing countries in the world. Much of the non Western world is, by comparison, very right wing.

Twisterlollies · 02/06/2026 13:03

BillieWiper · 02/06/2026 13:00

What makes you think people are 'pretending' to be anti-racist? Maybe they just are.

Well, they’re all clamouring to downplay the slaying of Henry. That’s fairly racist in my book. We all know their reactions had this been a young non white lad who bled out while handcuffed after being stabbed as his white attacker was fawned over and asked to choose his food from the kitchen.

OneTealShaker · 02/06/2026 13:01

Looking for racism everywhere is part of the West’s decline into irrelevance. Starting with Europe.

It’s some kind of post rational, post truth, cult like obsession where logic is just so old school. Why celebrate treating people equally. Once the west had largely started to achieve that, it had to be about going one step further. Creating victims and victim narratives.

Of course, people will use it to play the race card, like this killer did. He has a free pass on killing someone in cold blood, and using the madness created by white saviour syndrome to excuse his behavior. This is utter madness.

The truth is that most rational Muslim people and people from ethnic minorities see this madness for what it is. Ever wonder why women from minorities are over represented on the right of politics. You know, the ones the progressive racists like to call names like ‘coconut’ because they refuse to conform to their version of victims that need to be saved.

BillieWiper · 02/06/2026 13:00

What makes you think people are 'pretending' to be anti-racist? Maybe they just are.

hopeforhope · 02/06/2026 12:56

Maddy70 · 02/06/2026 12:51

Tbf I've never had to prove I'm not racist because I'm not racist!

Well you clearly felt the need to put that out there.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 02/06/2026 12:51

OvernightBloats · 02/06/2026 12:48

It’s exactly the same issue with those boys who committed rape in Fordingham. They had previously been reported for incidents of violence, sexual aggression and animal abuse but the police had not recorded anything and let them go each time. That meant their history was not raised in the rape case. Had they been black or brown boys, those very same police taking those very same actions would have been accused of being too afraid of being called racist. The same police errors and actions are framed differently when it’s a white vs non-white attacker. @CheeseyOnionPie

The rapes committed in Fordingbridge were by 3 boys from the travelling community. One could argue that the police didn't want to record their previous crimes for fear of being called racists about the travelling community.

There is a two tier system too for the travelling community alongside other ethnic groups.
Kelly Ann Lynch, non traveller, found dead in a canal in Monaghan Ireland by two traveller lads she’d be seen with earlier, no investigation, classed as suicide, over 100 injuries.

Maddy70 · 02/06/2026 12:51

Tbf I've never had to prove I'm not racist because I'm not racist!

Morepositivemum · 02/06/2026 12:51

It’s human nature though isn’t it? To hear someone was being unjust unfair to someone and assume about them. I don’t think people can learn from exceptions such as that because all it tells anyone is that there are people who are liars/ not to be believed, and we all know that but it’s hard when something happens to make that call

Twisterlollies · 02/06/2026 12:48

EmeraldShamrock000 · 02/06/2026 12:47

What about knife crimes?

I can’t comment on London as I don’t live anywhere near there. Knife crime is a lot lower where I am thankfully. I’m sure there are stats on this, and whatever the results are will be what they are.

OvernightBloats · 02/06/2026 12:48

It’s exactly the same issue with those boys who committed rape in Fordingham. They had previously been reported for incidents of violence, sexual aggression and animal abuse but the police had not recorded anything and let them go each time. That meant their history was not raised in the rape case. Had they been black or brown boys, those very same police taking those very same actions would have been accused of being too afraid of being called racist. The same police errors and actions are framed differently when it’s a white vs non-white attacker. @CheeseyOnionPie

The rapes committed in Fordingbridge were by 3 boys from the travelling community. One could argue that the police didn't want to record their previous crimes for fear of being called racists about the travelling community.

hopeforhope · 02/06/2026 12:47

LoveHearts69 · 02/06/2026 12:32

The problem is that the police were there because they were called for a racist attack, so they’re automatically going to go in believing whoever called it in initially. It’s not like they just came across a random fight and just assumed it must be the white man at fault.

I find threads like this a bit tedious as it’s always one way outrage and just trying to cause more of a racism divide. There should be compassion for any victim of a senseless attack. The people who keep banging on and on about the Rochdale grooming gangs (which yes is horrific but it seems to be the only example the racists have all pounced on) don’t seem to show any outrage at the likes of the Epstein files or the horrific abuse at the hands of Catholic priests. Or have any comments when a Sikh girl gets raped for her ethnicity. It’s only when there’s a chance to demonise anyone non white that the pitchforks comes out.

Why can’t we show compassion for everyone who is a victim of a horrendous crime and stop ignoring the fact that far more rapes/assaults/murders in this country are committed by white men. Male violence is the problem, across every ethnicity!

“Most” are committed by white men?

Don you think that’s because the majority of men in this country are white.

Edit - cross posted with twisterlollies

EmeraldShamrock000 · 02/06/2026 12:47

Twisterlollies · 02/06/2026 12:41

Why can’t we show compassion for everyone who is a victim of a horrendous crime and stop ignoring the fact that far more rapes/assaults/murders in this country are committed by white men. Male violence is the problem, across every ethnicity!

Oh this is so tired and disingenuous now.

Of course more murders and rapes are committed by white men, the majority of men here are white.

What about knife crimes?

Twisterlollies · 02/06/2026 12:41

Why can’t we show compassion for everyone who is a victim of a horrendous crime and stop ignoring the fact that far more rapes/assaults/murders in this country are committed by white men. Male violence is the problem, across every ethnicity!

Oh this is so tired and disingenuous now.

Of course more murders and rapes are committed by white men, the majority of men here are white.

Twisterlollies · 02/06/2026 12:39

There’s definitely a group of highly disingenuous, loathsome posters who whenever something fairly obvious is stated they demand ‘Where is your evidence? Do you have a source for that?’ - in the absence of a gold plated worldwide study, they simply will not accept the evidence of people’s eyes and ears. When white people commit racist crimes it proves their narrative that only white people are very racist, and when non whites commit racist crimes ‘this is being used to fuel an agenda’.

I’ve worked in crime for years now and it is absolutely true that some groups commit more crimes, or more certain types of crime, than others. I won’t comment on which causing what because I can’t be bothered to go into long winded explanations which will no doubt be refused to be believed anyway, but yes they absolutely include white people, and others.

However I will say there are some groups I almost never see. Japanese, Chinese, Philippino, Sikhs (this recent case is highly unusual), and some African countries.

Pretending we are all one big homogenous blob who commit crimes as similar rates is nonsensical and actually rather offensive to the groups above who commit basically none.

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