AIBU to wear a white print dress to my brother’s wedding & dressing my DD in white too?

I'm in the wear what you like camp but these are a touch bridesmaid-y. I know you said they aren't having flower girls, so might not matter - just run it past them. Say DD has picked out a few, are these too close to 'wedding party', would you prefer I picked something else.

Tbh on here all you'll mostly get is people telling you you're the devil incarnate for not wearing what they would choose - best off asking the bride & groom directly

I would say no, they all look far too bridesmaidy.
You specifically said that there aren't going to be flower girls at your brother's wedding.
But by dressing your daughter in a very obviously bridesmaidy dress, it will definitely look as if you are trying to insert her into the wedding party.

It's been around for over half a century, I'd say. It seems like it first came into being when brides began wearing a white bridal gown instead of just their best dress that they re-wore, and became stronger over the decades.

Of course, some regions do seem to adhere to it much more strictly than others, but my grandmother, who would've been in her nineties if she was still alive, never would've worn white to a wedding. And neither would anyone else I know.

I think some of those dresses would be fine for a wedding - though the pink ensemble looks like bad home dressmaking to me! A sewing machine in the kitchen for the youngest DD and Mum shouting not to pour the coloured cordial near it!

Floor-length would be way OTT. It reminds me of a new girl at my school who wore what can only be described as a gown out of a musty theatre wardrobe to a school home clothes day: we were all in jeans and trainers. She was a sweet girl and I felt desperately embarrassed for her. I even wondered if they had hired it or if it was just something from her granny's closet she had always fancied.

But anyway, over-dressing is as bad as under imo, and I THINK Op's is probably ok if it is chiffon and nicely accessorised, but why on earth is she not posting the actual dress??

@Loubissou Never heard of society formal! I’m posting smart formal daywear for a wedding. Most people don’t understand how to put a look together and think any old dress will do. A formal dress code for a wedding is no different from dressing for the races - except maybe the hat. I know people don’t understand the difference between a shapeless work or casual dress, but that doesn’t make me wrong!

Firstly, it's only the jersey maxi I mentioned. Secondly, it's jersey fabric. It's just about ok for a garden party, but I'd not be turning up to a really smart do with a garish print jersey dress.

I wouldn’t risk wearing anything white personally.
Why risk it.

There are so many other colours out there.

I’d hate to be seen as the person trying to overshadow the bride, even if it’s not intentional.

You are working on 'society formal'.
Most of the rest of the world are not.

If it's a 'formal' wedding then it's floor length, no?

No floor-length is black/white tie or evening gowns.

I think floor-length would look very odd in the day. More like the bride than a bit of white ...

Agree about the DD/bridesmaid.

We obviously move in very different circles!

I've never been to a wedding where women dressed the same as they do at Royal Ascot, and I would have felt incredibly out of place in any of those outfits.

The last wedding I've been to where women wore hats must be over 20 years ago.

Some people's idea of "formal" wedding attire is very different to others', which is why threads like this are always difficult to answer.

Edit to add: sorry, I've just seen you said ignore the hats, but the rest of my post still stands.

It’s ok to check about a hat with the bride or those close to the bride! Not the dress!

I think it’s a bit unkind not to let husbands little nieces be flower girls

I think an obviously patterned white dress is fine (but I'd probably choose something else personally, just in case the bride is extra picky).

If you put your toddler in white people will assume she's a flower girl.

No it puts her in an awkward position

Nothing whatsoever bridal about it looks perfectly fine

I go by the "if you have to ask, there are other dresses".

I just wouldn't even want to think about whether my dress had too much white. And I certainly wouldn't bother the bride with questions about it.

And it's not like I was fussy myself - I told my friend I was happy for her to wear a white jumpsuit, before I remembered she was actually my fiance's ex! I just don't see why you'd put yourself through the "is it ok?" drama.

I would ask the bride

Exactly this.

OP, if that’s truly what your dress looks like, it’ll be fine.

but for goodness sake don’t dress your little girl in white. She WILL look like a flower girl, and you’ll come across as someone trying to force her into the wedding party and people will be silently judging you.

My husband’s sister tried to pull that at our wedding. She was insisting her children all be part of MY bridal party, despite the fact she was on my husband’s side and I was very clear that I only wanted my sisters as bridesmaids and my niece as flower girl. Husband’s eldest sister had three children, their brother had four, and there was another much younger sister, not to mention all the girls on my side who were being pushed at me by cousins etc. It was far too much, hence why I kept it small.

Unfortunately my husband’s family thought they could control us and force the issue, to the extent that his older sister declared she’d dress her children as part of the bridal party anyway. Then Covid happened, our wedding was postponed, and we saw her listing actual bridesmaid dresses for sale that had been “bought for a family wedding but wouldn’t fit by the new date” on marketplace. Including a traditional white flower girl dress for her youngest, from a bridal company!

So, please don’t be that person. Wedding planning is stressful enough, and your brother and his stb wife are not going to look upon you favourably for dressing your daughter in white. Why don’t you choose a colour from your own dress and find one for her in that colour instead? That would look really cute.

I don't like the dress you've posted, OP, but you said it's not the actual dress, so...

I would stick to the suggested dress code yourself and don't dress your DD in white.

Did you post thinking everyone would just say 'yes, go for it'? Because the way you're asking for help - okay, what shall we wear then?' isn't coming across well. Normally people give their size, preferences and budget when they're asking for suggestions. So maybe you could do that if you actually want some suggestions.

I've just flicked through my wedding photos out of interest because I have no particular memory of whether anyone else wore anything particularly white other than one small child. Turns out SIL was in mainly white with some smudged black flowers. It didn't register with me at the time and neither her or the other guest in plain white who I also hadn't noticed stand out.

That wasn't that long ago, 15 years. It is very recent that this idea any hint of white is a terrible faux pas has come in.

Even though there is a coloured print on top of the white base colour of your dress, there are just so many other colours available I don't understand why people choose a predominantly white dress for a wedding. Just choose a different colour dress and then you won't be doubting your decision and you can feel confident you won't be potentially upsetting the bride on the day. Same goes for your daughter, if she's not been asked to be a flower girl.

There are seemingly hundreds of these threads on Mumsnet about it and often a pretty even split in the yes/no camps, so it's obviously a grey area!

@brillfrill I am posting what formal day wear actually looks like. These photos were taken at Ascot (mostly) and you can ignore the hats. But there’s a style to the looks. Your dress is too casual for a formal day dress code and formal does usually mean a hat or a head piece! Check with the bride if you can. It’s all about style and wearing something classy. A rather average dress doesn’t give the wedding the status it deserves.

If it's a 'formal' wedding then it's floor length, no?

For your daughter - there are literally endless options for little girls. I wouldn't do white though. Once you have your dress just pick a colour out of it and dress your daughter to coordinate. Vinted has thousands or more and is great for one-time wear. Definitely not mostly white though, that would be very odd.

I’m getting married next year and I want my guests to enjoy the day, wear what they want and be comfortable. I assume everybody in attendance will know that it’s my wedding….your dress is perfect x