Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

The OP described it as rural, very hilly. And his own mother wouldn’t drive there. He has a large car. I was thinking North Yorkshire, Wensleydale area in the Yorkshire dales. Perhaps parts of Wales. We don’t know.
And as you have been caught up in a flooded road system you will know how alarming that can be. Add in small children and a small car and I can see how she might be anxious about that. In Winter when it gets dark early particularly so.
I was just having a bit of empathy with her concerns.

Sorry meant to quote a previous reply to my original post.

@CheeseSandwich1 How many miles is it on the motorway?
You also mention hills and country roads.

How far in miles is each?

Oh give over.

He's been a dick and she’s pissed off. It’s not about getting a bigger car than him, she just wants something a bit easier to run the kids around in. He was the one who made her drive in a big family car when they were together, why doesn’t he care now?

Hang on- he didn't 'get her pregnant' against her will. Presumably she had some say in getting pregnant.

I agree with the rest though.

If he had any decency at all he'd by her a bigger car because it's for HIS children's safety.

I agree a bit that a small car is less safe but it's only a short trip - 30 mins in total, which includes hills and a motorway.

I think you’re being over thinking the logistics of your car. But if you’re nervous then that’s a bigger safety risk than the car itself.

however, he moved and with that he should have considered the kids. It’s up to him to get them. Even if he lived round the corner I would expect him to do drop offs and pickups if they live the majority of the time with you

@RumPidgeon The concern is it's a car that is smaller than his.

OP’s just having a vent. She’s having to adjust to a serious change in circumstances. It sounds like she’s used to living the high life and now is going to have to get a job as a single mother with low earning potential. I can imagine that sucks for her.

Go and book some motorway driving lessons. You can use your own car.
You are not obliged to be driving at 80 in the third lane. In a small engined car you’d be fine with the lorry’s going 56mph and stay in lane one, if you’re really nervous…but you’ll soon get the hang of it.

Yes and quite rightly. Do you think it’s right that while they were together he made sure she had a big family car but gives zero fucks now when he left her high and dry financially? And he was a cringey 40 year old man getting a 22 year old pregnant too 🤢

If you don't feel safe, do not do it
Anyone saying anything else is being unreasonable, not you

What’s your concern regarding your small car? It’s a motorway in the UK - you’re not taking part in a bumper cars game.

Drive to the speed limit, observe traffic rules and take it steady.

If you can’t manage at all then I’d strongly suggest some driving lessons in your own car to get over this unreasonable fear.

Exactly, I drove from Edinburgh to Cheltenham in a tiny Kia Picanto a month after I passed my test. It was absolutely fine.

A car is a car designed to go on roads and motorways . Unless it is an off road country laneway ,this argument is ridiculous. But you and the ex should share lifts. A thirty minute drive is nothing .

I hope you do this and get the bastard to pay what he should.

My dad fiddled the claim and paid £5 maintenance per week to my mum. If it makes you feel any better, now I have kids I will never truly forgive him for it.

You’re being ridiculous. Whilst small, fiat 500’s are engineered to be very safe. They stand up very well to accidents etc. I had one for years and loved it. Drove it on the motorway without issue.

They've been allowed on motorways for a few years now.

I drive all over the place in the tiny car I have had for about 5 years (community nurse in large county with big rural community and sports in the arse end of nowhere). I can think of one occasion in this time I have had to turn around as I didn’t want to risk a flooded road.

From the way the OP describes it I would be surprised if it’s that rural. Fair enough to avoid if she’s trying to get by the river in Worcester or Maismore (or other flood risk areas) after heavy rain but most places it’s fine (and you can always turn back if needed)

If it is only nice wide flat roads you cand drive on, maybe you are not sufficiently competent to drive at all?

The car is too small
Scared of motorways
Scared of roads with gradient

I think you are engineering an excuse here because you have grievances against your ex.

Well they’ve been allowed since 2018!

I have sometimes experienced a level of helplessness with women about things mechanical or men with children, domestic equipment, cooking etc.

But compared with driving on a 'non motorway' road motorways are pretty simple, multi lane, slip roads - OK not all of these are great, numbered and well signed junctions so you know exactly where you are etc

Of course you can drive your car on the motorway. I have a Peugeot 108 which is tiny and drive it everywhere. It is getting a bit old so sometimes argues with me up a very steep hill but it always makes it absolutely fine.

You can’t rely on your ex to take you everywhere that needs a motorway, that’s madness. 30 minutes is nothing.

I'm a very confident driver. Have driven in several different countries and have bombed up and down the UK in a small car.

However, my current car isn't that reliable. I use it for shortish local journeys but definitely wouldn't take it on a motorway or do a longer journey. TBH if it wasn't for the school run and kids clubs, I would just get rid of it. But it cuts down massively on travel time for the DC.

But no, if you're not confident in your car @CheeseSandwich1 , I think it's fine to refuse to drive it to his house. 1) He moved so he should do the driving to / from. 2) He's got a much better car so much safer.

This is exactly what I thought!

Most people seem to manage without it being part of the test. Plus I wouldn't want learners on the motorway.

Depending on where you are and in particular the weather in the location I can understand reservations in a hilly place and driving with a small car. Many people living in rural areas have large 4x4’s for a reason. If it rains a lot you need one. Flooding in rural areas can happen fast. If near to a river even more so. You can avoid one road only to find another cut off as well.
The motorway is about confidence. If you were never taught to drive on one then it can be understandable.
Lessons if possible with a good instructor will open up motorways to you.
I am afraid at the moment he has to collect his children.