Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

It makes me so sad that so many women seem to have their opportunities and experiences limited by driving anxiety. It seems really gendered into a slippery slope situation. A woman learns to drive in a tiny little car then continues with a tiny little car. The partner/husband drives the family (big man) car. Often because he's apparently so big and strong he can't possibly drive a smaller one.

Cue threads here with OPs who are scared to drive the bigger vehicle because they're not used to it. This seems to be the opposite side of the same coin with the OP now only having the smaller car and having lost confidence. Result is the same though, a reducing comfort zone.

Before everyone starts I realise it's not universal (and indeed the OP prefers to drive a bigger car) but it seems so common and a real limit for some women. I'm also not suggesting anyone should be driving if not safe to do but I think the idea that a woman should have a little pink car with eyelashes whilst her DH drives the big powerful car is what creates the anxiety that many seem to have.

This is bonkers Op. 30 minute drive isn't far!!! Why can't you go on a hilly road??? Surely if your car is road worthy it's fine?
If you can't go on motorway as you are frightened - can't you just use A roads?

Op is an adult, probably in her early 30s who wants her ex to buy her a car.

And/or do all pick ups and drop offs

They both moved.

Op is an adult, probably in her early 30s who wants her ex to buy her a car.

I have an 11 year old fiat 500. I commute to work every day, 40 miles each way including A roads, country roads and 14 miles of motorway. Your being unreasonable

People need to say the left hand lane and overtaking lane/s. Saying 'slow' lane and the mentality that goes with it is what leads to middle and other lane hogging.
Wording is important on how people think and then behave
Lost count of how many idiots I've had to pull to the outermost lane to overtake (when they were overtaking nothing and doing under the limit), pull back into the left lane and then them, occasionally pulling into the left lane. A lot of them are not sentient though.

I understand it’s a small car and on motorways you probably feel more vulnerable surrounded by big cars. Take your time (but don’t be ridiculously slow as thats more dangerous). Drive when there’s likely to be less traffic on the roads. In motorways stay in the slower lane. If you can get more practice and start widening your area of driving.

I’ve driven huge cars (range rover size and 8 seaters) cars which are better for motorways but also small cars (2 door fiestas and corsa) which are better for winding roads as easier to pass another car (if you feel anxious passing cars slow down or even stop and pull to the side and let them pass if extremely narrow).

The best drivers have common sense it doesn’t matter what car you drive.

yeah that's a you problem rather than the car 🤗

Id be buggered it that was the case. I live on a hill

Oh and I have a little 1 litre car

YANBU to say that he should be doing pick ups and drop offs if he moved away.

YABU to say that it's unsafe to drive a small car on a motorway or that he should buy you a new car.

Or up a hill…

I know several people who have Fiat 500s, and they drive up to Edinburgh, and Newcastle Upon Tyne, and down to Cornwall, Devon, London, and Brighton. (They are West Midlands, so we're talking 200-300 miles.) As long as it has decent tyres, and an MOT, and a full tank of petrol, you'll be fine @CheeseSandwich1 !!!

Seriously though, you lost me at 30 minutes being long distance!

Everyone I am close to (apart from DH who I live with!) is further away than that! Both DC are 35-40 minutes drive away (30 on a good run with little traffic but half the time it's 35-40 minutes.) And my 3 friends are 30 to 50 minutes drive away. Even our closest big town is 30 minutes drive away! (We have a small market town 7-10 minutes drive, but there's some stuff you can't get there and we have to go to the nearest big town every 3 weeks or so.) The few extended family that I have (who are still living in the UK) live an hour and a half to three hours away!

I am guessing that you don't leave town much, and have ALL your family and friends within 1-2 miles from you! 😬

Just wanted to chime in that I don’t motorway drive (in my Fiat 500 haha) - been on twice and came out in a huge sweat! It’s the speed - I know statistically you’re less likely to crash but I just can’t wrap my head around all the people who don’t indicate when changing lane or cutting you up etc! The fact you CAN motorway drive when you are in a car you feel confident in is amazing to me. You’re the mother of his children - I don’t understand why he isn’t giving you the grace of understanding, if he won’t contribute to a car.

I hired a 'New' mk 1 VW golf in south Africa about 15 years ago (they were still manufactured there up to 2009) and drove it all over Cape town and down to Cape Point.

I remember when the Berlin Wall came down and suddenly there were a load of Trabants that had been driven from East Germany exploring the West Country

We drove Holyhead to Yorkshire, several times in a 20 year old Honda Jazz. Best road trips we’ve ever had ❤️

Have you disabled the airbag for the car seat in the front?

there's no law that says small card aren't allowed on motorways as far as i'm aware.

Most people drive more than 30 mins just to go to work everyday

OP, if you don't feel safe driving the kids on the motorway/in hilly areas in your present car, then you don't feel safe.

You are going to have to get to grips with the school run, but why bother to add on the stress of driving the children to your ex's house on top of that? What's in it for you?

Tell him that you won't be driving them to his house at the moment, but you'll reassess when you can afford a bigger car.

I've driven a saxo, a mini cooper & astra. Never bothered me at all. Now I have a hyundai tuscon - love it. The car isn't the issue it's your confidence. The more you do it the more confident you'll be.

It is.
Years ago I had a friend whose dad was in the police. He cautioned her against buying a Mini as he'd seen too many awful crashes because there is so little metal at the front in a head-on crash.

Yes, things have improved but you have to understand an accident in a large car like a Defender is going to protect you more than a Fiat 500.

a quick look and you could buy a second hand ford focus for between £1000 and £1500

how much would you get for your fiat 500? have you had a look online to see what the [price is for it?

I think YABU. Your car is roadworthy and you only have 2 children.
But I've only ever had small cars, so have had to use them to drive wherever I need to go. However, i have had an accident on a motorway when I was much younger, and yes it does affect my confidence, even 35 years later. However, not to the extent that I wont drive on motorways.
A lot of my driving is in lanes "in the middle of nowhere" and smaller cars are far easier to drive.
I understand this isnt the car you are used to, but this is the new normal for you, so maybe time to build your confidence with the fiat.
As for should your ex be driving to you, well, thats a whole different question.

My daughter and her then boyfriend (now husband) drove from Devon/Cornwall to the Western Isles and back in a Peugeot 107 with, according to Google, 75PS.

No issues at all.

I love my car and as I pop a bike on the roof (it has roof rack and bike attachments) I have to sue up with all the caravans and motorhomes at the port and sit nessedled in-between them on the ferry, I feel very tiny then

As for the OP I think there is a lot more going on with this than motorway driving. Op I am assuming is very angry about her divorce, the ex moving away and leaving her with a lot less money than previously.

Id say, you can be bitter or happy, you get to choice op and ive been divorced, when I was still pg and he was a philander. Left me high and dry and I had an old Peugeot 108 that I had my baby in the front seat, the carrycot in the back and pram in the boot with dc1 in back also. The speedo didn't work but I had so much fun with my dc in that car going places.

I did manage to sell the Peugeot and buy a second hand saloon car 4 door which made things easier. I wanted to go camping in Spain though and even I couldn't manage to get everything for us in the Peugeot

You could look at selling the fiat 500 and buying a small old salon car - they will be about the same price. It will not be anything fancy.