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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

515 replies

CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 22:11

What the title says really!

DC’s Dad and I aren’t together. He moved 30 minutes away and now lives in the countryside.
He expects me to drive to his new home but it’s very hilly and is in the arse end of nowhere, I really don’t feel comfortable driving there in my small car. For reference his own Mum also won’t drive there in her small car.

I also really don’t like motorway driving in my car as I feel nervous as it’s so small and I have to put my youngest in the front seat rear facing. This means anywhere the children need to go that includes motorway driving DC’s Dad has to take them.

I can’t afford to upgrade my car at the moment.

DC’s Dad thinks I’m being unreasonable about driving but he has a huge car (I would feel safe if I had his car as the children are all in proper car seats in the middle of back of the car).

AIBU?

OP posts:
BellesAndGraces · 01/06/2026 22:44

CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 22:41

We had an Audi through his business as our family car. When we split up he gave back the Audi to the finance company and then purchased his new Defender personally.

As I said he screwed me to the floor financially and I’ve ended up in not a great way.

Show quote history

Then tell him to get tae fuck.

emmetgirl · 01/06/2026 22:44

You should get some more driving lessons. You’re clearly not a very good driver if you can’t drive on motorways. It doesn’t matter what size your car is. Women like you give the rest of us a bad name.

TheChosenTwo · 01/06/2026 22:44

Your car is not unsafe or not road worthy (unless you’re driving around on a failed MOT), dc1 has a fiat 500 and drives herself across the country on motorways.
Are you refusing to drive them absolutely anywhere based on the fact that his car is safer than yours?
In what world is 30 minutes a long car journey?!
Honestly op this is just silly.
Although I do think he should be at least sharing the driving since he’s the one who moved.

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 22:43

outerspacepotato · 01/06/2026 22:42

He moved, it's his responsibility to pick up and return the kids.

That said, why are you driving a car you're afraid of driving?

Because right now it’s all I can afford.

We’ve had 2 children and I have my 20’s to him and now he’s fucked off and left me high and dry.

Sorry. I’m just so angry.

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 01/06/2026 22:42

He moved, it's his responsibility to pick up and return the kids.

That said, why are you driving a car you're afraid of driving?

BellesAndGraces · 01/06/2026 22:41

Pretty sure there were stories of Fiat 500s toppling over on large hills. Saw one almost tip into a ditch at a crossing point on a country lane. You wouldn’t find me driving one somewhere hilly or on a motorway, but I’m perfectly happy doing those drives in my 4x4.

SarahAndQuack · 01/06/2026 22:41

(And FWIW, I've driven a wide range of small cars in my life, and my Fiat isn't close to being the scariest to drive on a motorway. Modern Fiat 500s have enough power to accelerate. When I was 20 I had a really underpowered ancient Fiesta that took about a year to do 0-60, and that was scary.)

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 22:41

Aur0raAustralis · 01/06/2026 22:38

Why did he get the family car in the split? Could you sell the Defender as part of the financial settlement and put your share of the money towards a bigger car?

We had an Audi through his business as our family car. When we split up he gave back the Audi to the finance company and then purchased his new Defender personally.

As I said he screwed me to the floor financially and I’ve ended up in not a great way.

OP posts:
Edenmum2 · 01/06/2026 22:40

Ok so OP what is your solution if he ‘can’t get them where they need to be’ and you don’t want to drive?

SarahAndQuack · 01/06/2026 22:40

Your problem isn't the car, is it, it's the car seats you have? You can get two seats into the back of a Fiat 500.

I think you can worry endlessly about how safe or unsafe a car is, but realistically, a child who's in a modern car seat in a modern car, rear facing, is pretty safe.

I do sympathise because I think it's easy to let nerves get the better of you, and I wonder in this situation if it's perhaps partly the general stress of having to deal with your ex and the journey that is coming out as stress about safety?

But I do think you would be perfectly safe, honestly.

RandomMess · 01/06/2026 22:40

DD has a Fiat 500 I hate her driving on the motorway with it.

TheWisePanda · 01/06/2026 22:39

I love my Fiat 500 and I wouldn’t hesitate to drive it on the motorway and have done so many times. I once drove all the way to Italy in it!

Pearlstillsinging · 01/06/2026 22:39

CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 22:22

No I don’t because my youngest has to go in the front rear facing and I’m so scared about having an accident.

I used to be a really confident motorway driver when I was in a bigger car. My Dad also doesn’t motorway drive due to being in multiple serious accidents so I think his anxiety has rubbed off on me,

Show quote history

I'm sure there will be an alternative non-Mway route, if you take the children, I hope their father drives them back home.

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 22:38

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/06/2026 22:37

Put both kids in the back. If your car is genuinely unsafe you will have to save up or take a loan to get a new one, it’s your responsibility not his. A fiat 500 is perfectly capable of driving on a motorway, hill or in the countryside, and 30 mins is not far.

I unfortunately can’t get a loan or finance due to my current situation. Ex left me completely ruined.

OP posts:
Aur0raAustralis · 01/06/2026 22:38

Why did he get the family car in the split? Could you sell the Defender as part of the financial settlement and put your share of the money towards a bigger car?

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/06/2026 22:37

Put both kids in the back. If your car is genuinely unsafe you will have to save up or take a loan to get a new one, it’s your responsibility not his. A fiat 500 is perfectly capable of driving on a motorway, hill or in the countryside, and 30 mins is not far.

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 22:37

Fluid · 01/06/2026 22:36

@CheeseSandwich1 why can’t he come and get them?

He can’t drive them everywhere they need to be

OP posts:
OonaStubbs · 01/06/2026 22:36

Motorways are literally the safest roads to drive on. You can't have a head on or T-bone collision, any accidents are side to side or to the rear of a stationary vehicle. It is FAR more dangerous to drive on normal roads.

hallenbad · 01/06/2026 22:36

I’m with you OP. I have the option of two similar cars and I know which one I’m taking on the motorway. The tiny car is for local runs only and it’s fabulous but when you are used to a big solid car you feel very vulnerable by comparison in a small one.

Fluid · 01/06/2026 22:36

@CheeseSandwich1 why can’t he come and get them?

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 22:36

CalliopeFosterBeauchamp · 01/06/2026 22:33

If that’s the main thing that’s worrying you, could you change car seat to a front facing one?

https://www.childcarseats.org.uk/types-of-seat/

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I’d like to keep her rear facing for as long as possible for safety reasons. I’ll have a look at your link, thank you.

OP posts:
NoCommentingFromNowOn · 01/06/2026 22:35

CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 22:34

They might meet safety regulations but I can guarantee Ex DP is much safer in on a motorway in a Defender than we are in my Fiat 500. If we were both in a crash, he’d fair better.

Show quote history

Right but you do not have an unsafe car. You have a perfectly normal car.

AuDrusilla · 01/06/2026 22:35

Go the long way instead of the motorway then

Edenmum2 · 01/06/2026 22:35

WoollyandSarah · 01/06/2026 22:22

If he moved, he should do the driving.

I wouldn't buy a tiny car like that - there's nothing to protect you in a crash. As you've said, you can't change your car now, but presumably you bought it for low speed, local journeys, which are less likely to end in a significant accident.

I had a very bad head-on crash in a fiat panda (other car swerved onto my side and hit me head on)

It did an amazing job at saving my life - all the doctors and the police said so. I was very badly injured but definitely would have died if the bonnet hadn’t have taken the impact so well.

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 22:34

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 01/06/2026 22:33

He cared we had a safe car when we were together but suddenly our safety doesn’t matter.

Fiat 500s are safe, it’s your nerves that are making you feel unsafe.

They might meet safety regulations but I can guarantee Ex DP is much safer in on a motorway in a Defender than we are in my Fiat 500. If we were both in a crash, he’d fair better.

OP posts: