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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

515 replies

CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 22:11

What the title says really!

DC’s Dad and I aren’t together. He moved 30 minutes away and now lives in the countryside.
He expects me to drive to his new home but it’s very hilly and is in the arse end of nowhere, I really don’t feel comfortable driving there in my small car. For reference his own Mum also won’t drive there in her small car.

I also really don’t like motorway driving in my car as I feel nervous as it’s so small and I have to put my youngest in the front seat rear facing. This means anywhere the children need to go that includes motorway driving DC’s Dad has to take them.

I can’t afford to upgrade my car at the moment.

DC’s Dad thinks I’m being unreasonable about driving but he has a huge car (I would feel safe if I had his car as the children are all in proper car seats in the middle of back of the car).

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 23:24

Barrenfieldoffucks · 01/06/2026 23:23

It's 30 minutes. Barely registers on the trip-o-meter in my book.

Why don't you get a different car if you feel it is so unsafe? Why does he have to get you it?

Show quote history

Because I’ve been left completely ruined financially

OP posts:
Whattodo1610 · 01/06/2026 23:24

CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 22:56

He does some drop offs/pick ups.

Youngest is starting school in September and we’ve had to use his address as the schools where I live are shite (I also had to move as couldn’t afford where we used to live) so I’m going to have to get confident in the school run at least.

Show quote history

This still doesn’t explain why you have to drive your dc over to his house when it was his choice to move. 🤔
Why exactly do you need to drive your dc to his house? Is it for his access times? If so, he needs to come and collect them. Is it to take them to school? If so, then it baffles me why you’ve put them in a school that’s not really suitable for you. Your local schools can’t be that bad surely? Let’s hope no one finds out you’ve manipulated the school catchment system to falsely get a place at the school. Spurned school mums can be the worst 😬

Barrenfieldoffucks · 01/06/2026 23:23

CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 22:34

They might meet safety regulations but I can guarantee Ex DP is much safer in on a motorway in a Defender than we are in my Fiat 500. If we were both in a crash, he’d fair better.

Show quote history

It's 30 minutes. Barely registers on the trip-o-meter in my book.

Why don't you get a different car if you feel it is so unsafe? Why does he have to get you it?

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 23:21

NewbieSM · 01/06/2026 23:16

Op were you married to your ex? Was there a divorce settlement, I’m confused why you seem to be so much worse off financially than him so much so that you have had to move away and now use your ex’s address for the kids school? Yep being a woman with majority care of small kids IS unfair but life isn’t always fair. Does he pay cms and for extracurriculars for the kids? I don’t think he is responsible for funding a new car for you tbh.

He had a company and pays himself minimum wage and takes dividends.

He claims he makes minimum wage to CMS. It’s a fucking joke. He lives in a huge fucking house, lovely car and holidays etc. I fucking hate him.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 23:19

NewbieSM · 01/06/2026 23:16

Op were you married to your ex? Was there a divorce settlement, I’m confused why you seem to be so much worse off financially than him so much so that you have had to move away and now use your ex’s address for the kids school? Yep being a woman with majority care of small kids IS unfair but life isn’t always fair. Does he pay cms and for extracurriculars for the kids? I don’t think he is responsible for funding a new car for you tbh.

I wasn’t married to him. As I said above I was 22 when we met and he’s 20 years older than me. I had 2 children in my early 20’s which meant I was out of work for basically 3/4 years as I had really difficult pregnancies.

OP posts:
NewbieSM · 01/06/2026 23:16

Op were you married to your ex? Was there a divorce settlement, I’m confused why you seem to be so much worse off financially than him so much so that you have had to move away and now use your ex’s address for the kids school? Yep being a woman with majority care of small kids IS unfair but life isn’t always fair. Does he pay cms and for extracurriculars for the kids? I don’t think he is responsible for funding a new car for you tbh.

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 23:16

McSpoot · 01/06/2026 23:14

But if you read, the issue is that the OP chose to use her ex's address to get her son into a "better" school. Her ex moving allowed her to do this, but didn't actually cause the need for all this driving.

Show quote history

Our family home was in a good area with good schools.

Where I had to move to is inner city and a bit rough and the schools are shocking.

Where he lives has very good schools, the best in our county.

I’m hopeful my confidence in driving will improve and I’ll be able to get myself a bigger car in the future. I didn’t want to ruin my children’s education because I’m too scared to drive.

OP posts:
McSpoot · 01/06/2026 23:14

icybreeze · 01/06/2026 23:12

It sounds like you need some more driving lessons

I drive all over the place in my little Kia picanto. I love it, and it's far better for country lanes than some hulking great truck of a car

He should be doing at least half the driving as he has chosen to move though

But if you read, the issue is that the OP chose to use her ex's address to get her son into a "better" school. Her ex moving allowed her to do this, but didn't actually cause the need for all this driving.

basoon · 01/06/2026 23:13

30 minutes is no distance at all. I honestly can't see your issue. Unless it's is actually about your divorce/separation. That would be understandable, and you would be better just saying that.

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 23:13

Overthebow · 01/06/2026 23:12

Your car is safe. There are prams that fit in fiat 500s.were you married?

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No. Because I’m an idiot who had children (who I absolutely love dearly) without being married in my early 20’s to a dickhead 20 years older than me.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 01/06/2026 23:13

CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 23:11

I’m sorry you’ve also been left in a shit situation too.

Thank you for your kind words though, I’ll try to be more positive.

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You're welcome. And, you'll get there. Everyone is entitled to have moments where they want a rant and want to blame someone.

Overthebow · 01/06/2026 23:12

CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 23:07

I want him to buy me a 5 door car that I am able to fit the children and buggy in easily (buggy has to go next to my DS in the back as doesn’t fit in the boot). This is for safety reasons.

I do not expect a 90k Defender, however.

Show quote history

Your car is safe. There are prams that fit in fiat 500s.were you married?

icybreeze · 01/06/2026 23:12

It sounds like you need some more driving lessons

I drive all over the place in my little Kia picanto. I love it, and it's far better for country lanes than some hulking great truck of a car

He should be doing at least half the driving as he has chosen to move though

NotMajorTom · 01/06/2026 23:11

CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 23:07

I want him to buy me a 5 door car that I am able to fit the children and buggy in easily (buggy has to go next to my DS in the back as doesn’t fit in the boot). This is for safety reasons.

I do not expect a 90k Defender, however.

Show quote history

As long as the kids are supported why should you get bought a big car? It’s not up to your ex to buy you what you want

sorry I’m sounding a bit blunt. I do feel
for you and splitting up is hard but we each have to cut our cloth accordingly. I had cheaper cars for a while while my ex had brand new 4x4s. I just cracked on with it and now have the better cars.

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 23:11

SarahAndQuack · 01/06/2026 23:09

Yes, it's absolutely shit.

It just is.

FWIW I'm in the same boat; my ex is a woman (we're both women), but if I let myself think about it, I could get very, very bitter. She came into the relationship with huge debts, unable to fund anything, and left with a lovely stable career and all the debts cleared. She took the car, too - during the split she agreed that since I'd paid for it and paid to maintain it, she'd transfer the paperwork into my name, but then of course she thought better of it.

I think the only thing you can do now is remember: ok, he won out financially, but you have lovely children and you are better off without him. The best satisfaction will be to let him think you are living a good life. You don't need him; you never did.

I would even be giving the slight impression you're rather enjoying yourself now he's buggered off.

This will also be better for your children in the long term, because they will see that their mum is capable and unflappable, and happy on her own terms.

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I’m sorry you’ve also been left in a shit situation too.

Thank you for your kind words though, I’ll try to be more positive.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 01/06/2026 23:09

CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 23:07

I want him to buy me a 5 door car that I am able to fit the children and buggy in easily (buggy has to go next to my DS in the back as doesn’t fit in the boot). This is for safety reasons.

I do not expect a 90k Defender, however.

Show quote history

You can get buggies that go in the boot of a Fiat 500. Cossato actually rates theirs in those exact terms - 'fits in the boot of a Fiat 500'.

SarahAndQuack · 01/06/2026 23:09

CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 23:04

This is the problem though!

Women naturally end up ‘behind’ in their careers due to pregnancy and maternity leave etc. Then when a relationship ends people act shocked that a woman expects the children’s father to support his children?

My ex’s financial situation is much better than it was when he met me as having children hasn’t impacted his ability to earn - however it affected my ability to earn and now I’m fucked because of him.

Show quote history

Yes, it's absolutely shit.

It just is.

FWIW I'm in the same boat; my ex is a woman (we're both women), but if I let myself think about it, I could get very, very bitter. She came into the relationship with huge debts, unable to fund anything, and left with a lovely stable career and all the debts cleared. She took the car, too - during the split she agreed that since I'd paid for it and paid to maintain it, she'd transfer the paperwork into my name, but then of course she thought better of it.

I think the only thing you can do now is remember: ok, he won out financially, but you have lovely children and you are better off without him. The best satisfaction will be to let him think you are living a good life. You don't need him; you never did.

I would even be giving the slight impression you're rather enjoying yourself now he's buggered off.

This will also be better for your children in the long term, because they will see that their mum is capable and unflappable, and happy on her own terms.

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 23:07

NotMajorTom · 01/06/2026 23:06

You don’t want him to support his children though, you want him to buy you a big car.

Show quote history

I want him to buy me a 5 door car that I am able to fit the children and buggy in easily (buggy has to go next to my DS in the back as doesn’t fit in the boot). This is for safety reasons.

I do not expect a 90k Defender, however.

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 01/06/2026 23:07

Agree with you. I have a Fiat 500 too, I won't drive on motorways or anywhere hilly/back arse of beyond.

BertieBotts · 01/06/2026 23:07

Happy to help search for a rear facing car seat which will fit in the back of your car, if it would help. Although arguably if they are rear facing and the airbag is disabled, this Swedish blogger (and ERF expert) thinks that they might actually be safer (or at the very least just as safe) in the front:

www.carseat.se/2026/05/21/are-children-safe-in-the-front-passenger-seat/

NotMajorTom · 01/06/2026 23:06

CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 23:04

This is the problem though!

Women naturally end up ‘behind’ in their careers due to pregnancy and maternity leave etc. Then when a relationship ends people act shocked that a woman expects the children’s father to support his children?

My ex’s financial situation is much better than it was when he met me as having children hasn’t impacted his ability to earn - however it affected my ability to earn and now I’m fucked because of him.

Show quote history

You don’t want him to support his children though, you want him to buy you a big car.

OhamIreally · 01/06/2026 23:04

Fiat 500 fine on the motorway there’s loads of them driving up and down the M1. I take your point about hilly though - the Fiat 500 is underpowered going up hills and it can feel pretty scary.

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 01/06/2026 23:04

pragmatismuniversalsentimentalist · 01/06/2026 23:00

Its very obvious this is what OP waa hoping everyone would say.... That the mean nasty ex should buy her a nice big Safe car. Because she's jealous of his big new defender.

Its a load of nonsense - if Fiat 50's weren't safe to drive on motorways they would not be insurable.

Show quote history

This is the problem though!

Women naturally end up ‘behind’ in their careers due to pregnancy and maternity leave etc. Then when a relationship ends people act shocked that a woman expects the children’s father to support his children?

My ex’s financial situation is much better than it was when he met me as having children hasn’t impacted his ability to earn - however it affected my ability to earn and now I’m fucked because of him.

OP posts:
deepseaargyllfish · 01/06/2026 23:03

A Fiat 500 is a perfectly roadworthy car! It’s not the most powerful but certainly powerful enough to drive on a motorway.

Are you hiding behind the ‘small car’ because you don’t like motorway driving?

WoollyandSarah · 01/06/2026 23:03

Edenmum2 · 01/06/2026 22:35

I had a very bad head-on crash in a fiat panda (other car swerved onto my side and hit me head on)

It did an amazing job at saving my life - all the doctors and the police said so. I was very badly injured but definitely would have died if the bonnet hadn’t have taken the impact so well.

Edited
Show quote history

I think you got lucky.

Vehicle size and weight

The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) is an independent, nonprofit scientific and educational organization dedicated to reducing deaths, injuries and property damage from motor vehicle crashes through research and evaluation and through edu...

https://www.iihs.org/research-areas/vehicle-size-and-weight