Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

I used to regularly drive from Lancashire to Yorkshire (M62) in my Fiat 126 with the kids in the back . It would chug quite happily up the hills. One memorable night it started snowing heavily and a 90 minute journey turned into 5 hours of crawling traffic. The little Fiat battled on between the tracks the lorries had made and only stopped when we reached my mum’s house and the snow was too deep !

Stop blaming him for your situation. I have a 4 year old and im pregnant again me and their dad haven’t been properly together or living together for years but he has never stopped me from earning my own money as I’ve always been clever enough to not financially depend on a man. My child went to a childminders two days a week then 4 days a week as she got older and now does pre school for 6 hours per day. My baby is already on the list for when they are a year old to enable me to work part time through choice because then it is on me and gives me the freedom to work.

I don’t sit here and resent, feel jealous of and resent my children’s dad just because he earns more than me it’s absolutely a waste of energy and In reality you are the only person in control of your life and how to better your life.

To be honest, I agree with you. I drive a van. When I am in a car I feel really vulnerable because I am.

I think he needs to do a lot more driving.

Op sorry you’re not looking at this in a reasonable way.

You not wanting to drive the Fiat is not actually related to what car your ex has. It is completely irrelevant.

The issue is your confidence and resentment. A Fiat is perfectly fine to drive on motorways. I used to do 4 hour journeys up the motorway in my Ford KA (which i was told has some of the same engine/car parts as a Fiat 500) and it was completely fine.

Just the fact that you have said a 30 min journey is ‘long distance’ should show you’re blowing this out of proportion.

With the rear facing car seat issue, maybe consider a 360 spin seat? We have one and it’s brilliant.

My friend and then her closest friends all have fiat 500s and manage fine driving everywhere. I feel your being a teeny tiny bit silly.

Excuses.

Well, you're not equally safe in both of them, not by a long shot. You're far safer in the Defender. Fiat 500s are tiny cars.

UGH! A Fiat 500 - and fairly old by the sounds of it - does not have much protection from a crash. For the sake of his children's welfare, I'd have thought he'd have got you a safer car, given that he can afford a luxury tractor. Maybe, just maybe, he could have put the children first and got two sensible cars instead of one swanky one just for himself.

God, I hate men.

P.S. That UGH at the beginning was about him giving himself a big luxury car while you have a small one. It wasn't aimed at your car!

My dd wanted a fiat 500. We weren’t keen as it is small in the event of a collision. I get why you do not want to drive such a small car on the motorway, however, it is 10 fold safer than country roads.

And I agree that your ex should do the majority of the driving to and from his house. He chose to Move away.

@CheeseSandwich1 I get it. It probably wouldn't stop me but I would feel vulnerable driving around in a little car like that. Especially in amongst a few artics on a motorway.

Unfortunately if your ex doesn't get it there is not much you can do. I suppose you could try to get him to think about "what if" scenarios - after all they are his kids too. Apart from that I would look into getting a better car, sounds like your vehicle is restricting your freedom

This is the exact reason I told DD never to buy something small like a fiat 500 because in an accident with a larger vehicle she’ll just be crushed. I’d never dream of driving such a small car with DC anyway. I’m sure they’re probably pretty solid but I just wouldn’t want to take that chance having been in a few serous no fault of mine accidents in the past.

’feeling safe’ in vehicles with poor safety ratings is perhaps more a matter of luck than judgement.

I genuinely don’t understand where you’re coming from.

I have both a Defender and a Fiat 500. I feel just as safe in both of them when driving. In fact, I prefer driving the Fiat and if I was going on just a 30 minute journey, I would take the Fiat.

Defender is only used for big supermarket shops and when travelling across the country to see grandparents.

So you both moved.

I think your anger at him is coming out as anger at the car, the hills, the motorway, the car seats and so on. Can you talk to someone about your anger at him? I think you’ll find the other things eg car won’t matter so much then.

Definitely must be for an RF seat!

is it possible to get a more compact but still rear facing car seat to fit in the back? That would be cheaper than a new car. Can you do the switch over at the school, since its halfway? And reduce the driving for you that way?

definitely. I know for sure that my DH would always ensure our daughter was in as safe a vehicle as possible. And certainly not blow the price of three decent cars on one monster for himself.

I completely get where you’re coming from here OP. Going through similar myself

With all due respect, I think the common denominator is your dad, rather than the motorway.

30 minutes is no time at all, and a route being hilly and rural is no reason not to travel. That is just silly. If you aren't confident driving, you need to practice more, not drive less. Think of all the things your dcs will miss out on because you won't take them.

I can perhaps understand not wanting to drive on motorways in a small car in rush hour, but you can choose a quiet time, early on a weekend etc.

YABU

Airbag is turned off if you have a child seat in the front aren’t they?

You have a car that you don't feel confident driving, regardless of everything else that's unpleasant, but it's something you can fairly easily do something about. Book a couple of refresher driving lessons, explaining what you want to work on. If you're concerned about safety it might be worth having one lesson with an advanced driving instructor that focuses specifically on safety on motorways. It's surprisingly affordable - I know, because I looked into it very recently myself. I hadn't driven for months, after driving very little for several years and had to get a hire car for a trip to rural Scotland. The hire car was much bigger than I was expecting and full of gizmos. Although I went for a practice drive to get used to it before my long trip, I was more nervous than I've ever been behind the wheel when I set off. It was fine, but it was only after several trips that I regained my confidence and I've vowed that when I buy a 'new' car (hopefully soon) I'm going to book a couple of lessons with an advanced driving instructor, just for my own peace of mind.

You should have a couple of lessons to rebuild your confidence for your own sake. You will have more independence if you feel confident driving anywhere in the car you've got - it gives you so much more freedom and security.

Please don’t. She’s definitely safer in the front but rear facing.

You're not being unreasonable. It's completely understandable that you don't feel confident on the motorway.

Ignore the pp who like to feel superior to anyone who admits to finding some aspects of driving tricky.

1.2 isn’t a tiny car and 11 years old is fine for a car with less than 50k that hasn’t been driven for 6 years.
Him Having a big car doesn’t make your car less safe, in fact it seems OTT for home to have an 8 seater when he only has two small kids.
He should be doing one way tho.