Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

Where do you drive this car if you don’t like on rural roads or the motorway? I feel like that restricts you quite a lot. FWIW, you say you’d feel more comfortable in a bigger car but you won’t, you’ll struggle to drive it and become a more anxious driver. You don’t need a bigger car, you need to get over your driving anxiety or find a way to get around without a car. Fiat 500’s are perfectly safe or they wouldn’t be on the road.

I think you've identified your issue here

It's not about your ability to drive or your kids safety or well-being .

It's this - jealousy over his car.

He's not going to buy you a huge car - it's not a 'normal' or average car. More people are driving around in 'tiny' cars than £80k defenders.

Yes the guy is a dick, make sure he's paying every bit of maintenance he should be & doing the childcare he said he will do. Don't have any more kids with him.

But other than that you need to get a grip on what's best for the kids. Fact is you have a normal/average car that is more than capable of a 30min journey. Focus on getting your confidence up with that rather than raging with jealousy over what he has

What is so hard to understand? Presumably for pickups or drop offs. Maybe they split them half and half. It’s very unreasonable for one parent to simply point blank refuse to drive when both parents moved from the former home. If it went to court, an attitude like that would be viewed very negatively and as a sign of being hostile to contact.

It's scary having a small, less powerful car on the motorway. I can understand where you are coming from.

OP, the reason you’re not in a great financial position is that you never got a chance to start your career. If your ex was in his 40s when you met, he would have already done all the groundwork and I doubt he benefited as such from your childcare in the way that someone younger would have in order to build his career. His career would already have been built and isn’t attributable to you. He sounds like a manipulative dick for getting with someone that young, having kids but not marrying. But that’s the position you’re in now so you need to start working to get yourself out of it. I actually would send your kids to the local school within walking distance. Primary won’t be too bad if they are supported at home with reading and writing. You are setting yourself up for a nightmare by ferrying them long distances to a school near their dads and it will restrict work you can do and will limit the support system you have. You wont be able to ask one of the other mums for just pick yours up for you if it’s miles away. Find out what you need to do to train for a decent paying job. Maybe something like accountancy which you can do training on the job. Then start working your way up. You won’t get anything from this guy. I’m guessing people warned you about him at the time.

I still don’t understand why you’re driving to his new house??

Find a meeting point in the middle to pick them up then.

He doesn’t look after his children’s interests either though, as he lies to get out of paying child support.

@CheeseSandwich1 I don't think you should have to do the driving to him anyway.

How far can you get before the motorway? Is there somewhere you could do the transfer that just involves local roads?

I understand what you are saying. I live in a rural area with fast roads. I had a Fiat Panda (old style) before I had kids and drove anywhere but I traded it in once I had children because there was literally nothing behind them in the event of an accident.

You are getting a hard time here. Ironically if you'd written 'my car is too small, should I forward face early - my journey just involves a small bit of motorway' you'd have had your arse handed to you.

Just tell him he has to collect them or meet you somewhere - the latter shows you making reasonable effort. You have taken on ever other inconvenience. This one can be his.

It's stupid massive car/tank things that are the problem on our roads. I little car is great and better for nipping about..
The more you drive it with the kids in, the more you'll get confident in it.
Why does he need what is basically a minibus?

Because he’s hiding income (by claiming he earns minimum wage) so that he doesn’t have to pay to support his own children? That’s hardly the actions of a good, honourable man.

How do people in Italy cope? 🫠😀

Exactly. I did a 100 mile round trip to work for years. There was snow on the ground when I started that contract. 30 minutes is nothing and there’s no point in owning a car if you’re scared to drive it.

What? Have you ever driven a large car? You have to be way more competent to drive my 7 seater than my dd’s tiny A1. I have had lots of fun driving the A1 btw. It’s like driving a dodgem car.

Edit - to add, if large cars were so much easier to drive, everyone would be learning in one!

30 minutes is less than many people drive to work, if you had said he’d moved 3 hours away I’d be sympathetic, but 30 minutes is still local as far as I’m concerned. Yabu, fiat 500’s are fine on motorways, I’ve driven one around Italy including on the autostradas, and Italian roads are crazy!

I’m not a confident driver. I drive a Ford KA on the motorway and up hills. The hills bit is completely down to the driver, it’s hilly around here and I just have to make sure I’m selecting the right gear.

I’ve got a two year old who I drive around regularly in it too.

Why is he an arsehole?

So, your advice is to be a completely uncooperative co parent out of pure spite?

That is totally fair enough too, because everyone is different.

But it appears OP does not like motorways or small roads.

Personally, I am ok with motorways , A roads and rural, but it is urban driving I am not keen on. But OP appears ok with urban.

You're talking rubbish. It's just not true to say you live in the inner city, he loves 100m from a national park, those 2 areas are a 30 min drive apart but he also lives in the arse end of nowhere.

Arse end of nowhere is not a 30 min drive from a big city.

Also, how can there possibly be substantial motorway driving on a 30 min journey which starts in the inner city and ends on the arse end of nowhere?

Also, front seat rear facing is perfectly safe as long as the air bag is switched off.

You need to let go of your anger to him. It's done, it is what it is. Don't let it limit your children's life because you won't drive to spite him. And get some lessons to build your confidence up

I suspect a lot of people drive big cars as they are nervous and can’t actually drive competently. There is no reason why a fiat 500 can’t be driven on very hilly roads providing the gear is correct. And there are thousands of 500’s on the motorway every day.

No wonder you're angry OP. He's an arsehole, no doubt about it.
ake your peace with that and concentrate on you and your kids:

dont drive to his. He wants them, he drives.

Why can't you put the baby in the back seat?

Or is this one of those situation where you've bought a huge extended rear facing car seat for a 5 year old that won't fit in the back?

Women who couldn't be bothered to look after their own interests, expecting their ex to look after them.

I didn't say everyone agreed with her.

Sorry but this is hilarious. I had a classic mini when DS was a baby and never gave it a second thought when driving him around in it. Trust me, that was a lot smaller than a Fiat 500 and had absolutely no safety features whatsoever.

I’ve now got an ancient Smart ForTwo and regularly drive that on the motorway, and do 2-3 hour journeys in it when I go camping. Other than a little bit of drag when I overtake a lorry, it’s no different to being in a bigger car.

Get some advanced driving lessons to improve your confidence.

I don't do motorway driving as i lack confidence and get very nervous making me liable to cause an accident, I just take the back roads hilly or narrow! Of course it takes longer to get somewhere but id rather do that than make a dangerous error on a motorway endangering my life and others potentially. Everyday driving im fine !