Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

I don't understand this mentality at all. There's nothing less safe about small cars.

Rear facing is perfectly safe in the front if the air bag is switched off.

You are being unreasonable about not being able to drive a small car on the motorway etc. Seriously. Cop onto yourself.

YANBU re him doing all the driving if he moved away. Just say you moved, you do the driving. Unless you are worried he won’t return the DC if you don’t collect.

It’s fine to have a little tantrum to yourself but you can’t control his behaviour, only your own. The best revenge is to live well. 💐

People do tend to go to places they don’t live though, surely? Not many people are spending their whole lives never leaving their city walls!

My DD has a Fiat 500 and drives all over the country to visit various friends. It's not the comfiest car for long distances , but it's perfectly roadworthy.

For 30 minutes, I’d suck it up.
I begrudgingly accepted a Fiat 500 as a courtesy car last year and had to drive from one end of the M5 to the other and to be honest with you, I’d have felt safer walking 😬 I’ve been driving for 30 years and usually a very confident driver but my Lord, I was clenching all over!
I don’t drive a huge car usually, just a Fiesta or Focus, but the difference was scary to me 😅

I will add, country roads were awful because the suspension felt non-existent, but pulling into little gaps to let oncoming traffic past was exceptionally easy.

I have driving anxiety and have only ever driven on a motorway a couple of times in my 15 years of driving. My car is still indispensable for getting me to work, the supermarket, kids clubs, local days out etc. Driving anxiety is a very real and potentially quite dangerous problem, I'm always surprised by the complete lack of empathy from confident drivers, I'm not terrified of motorways by choice! I'm also sure you don't want me driving near you on the verge of a panic attack whilst doing 70mph

Understandably pissed off Id say.

im going to throw a few thoughts at you OP and some might resonate. Firstly he is a prick and your anger is not misplaced.
however. You got with him so young, and him so much older and I wonder if there was a huge part of ‘being provided for and taken care of’ by this richer older man and all that has been ripped away. You were young and maybe didn’t get the chance to do all the normal, transitional stuff young people do to start to rely on their own skills, build their confidence, become self reliant and self sufficient. Your adult identity was being taken care of, and then taking care of your babies shortly afterwards. This is a huge transition and a traumatic one to boot for you. But it will either be the making of you, or you can become so consumed by it it defines you and you’re the person who couldn’t disentangle her adult self from the loss of the richer older man and the lifestyle he whipped away from you.
-apply for the variation in maintenance.
-think about the schools - plenty of kids go to a school of a different faith , don’t discount it on appropriate/not appropriate grounds without seeing the school and what they offer.
try and put the framework for a life that works for you.
-try and remember who you were and what you wanted before the kids arrived. What are your aims for yourself as an adult ?

this too shall pass. You will get through this.

And she also tells her child that he cannot go to school because she chose one that is near his father's house and she's too scared to drive him to school?

You won't drive on a motorway but you are happy to drive unsafely with a 17 month old in a rear facing seat in the front?

You absolutely can get both kids in the back where it is safest.

Put the buggy in the front or buy one that fits in the boot. But get a grip and stop creating issues just to try and reek some twisted revenge plot

I think if you’re honest, you don’t want to do the drive as you feel resentful to him a. for moving and b. for having a bigger and I’m guessing, nicer car. And there is possibly a c. related to the breakdown of your relationship.

30 minutes is a short drive even in a Fiat 500.

I think you need to be honest about your reasons.

Nervous drivers are dangerous drivers, get additional lessons, I don’t want to be involved in an accident or held up due to a nervous driver.

There’s no sympathy for nervous drivers on here.
I’m going against the grain. He moved, he knows you’re nervous to take your car on the motorway and he’s being unhelpful financially.
I would tell him that if he wants to see the kids he can pick them up, it’s only 30 minutes for him too.
I don’t agree with the people saying it’s a waste of time having the car, you can get to everything local without dragging the kids and all their stuff around on busses.

Honestly just do a bit of this. What is your arrangement for child care? Could you drop them to school and then he picks them up and then refuse to collect them from his? Or just work yourself up to drop them off and then don't pick them up.
I know you are a good mum and don't want to impact the kids but maybe you need to act a bit meaner so he understands he's being a dick

Depends where you live surely?!

Loads of people I know never need to drive those types of roads due to living in a city.

People are missing the point because they want to show what superior drivers they are…

He chose to move away so he does pick ups and drop offs!

I can see your point op. I had a small car and I was terrified of motorways and large A roads. That fear has largely gone since I bought a bigger car. The thing I hadn’t realised is the lack of acceleration on the small car. There’s a big a road I go on a few times a week with quite small slip roads and in my new car I can enter the road at 70 or the speed of the traffic and with the older car I’d be entering at 40 which felt unsafe. I also used to wait for ages to get onto large roundabouts as I couldn’t enter with any speed.

i think if he’s moved away then he can do the pickups.

You are being unreasonable.

A Fiat 500 isn't even a cheap car, small yes, but not cheap. They're also expensive to insure cause they're so popular to nick.

If money was the only issue, I'm sure you'd have something cheaper.

And yes, I commuted an hour each way in a Ford Ka, including motorway driving.

First child went rear facing in the back, in a seat with an isofix base so it just clipped in and out.

Agree with this completely - motorway driving is just driving in a straight line. It requires far less concentration or skill than town driving. The OP needs to buck up and get herself some refresher driving lessons rather than just decide that this is a normal way to react to a short drive

My DD drives from SE London to Gloucestershire a few times a year in her little Fiat 500. It takes approx 3hrs, sometimes more. A 30min journey is nothing, just take it easy.

For all the complications of your current situation and for all that he may be a dick, you are nevertheless being totally irrational regarding your car. 30 minutes is not 'long distance' by any stretch - for many, many years I commuted further than that in a Yaris, funnily enough from a national park to a city, along some twisty hilly roads. I also went up and down the A1 several hundred miles on a regular basis to see family. I did this long, long past the point where I could gave got a bigger car because the Yaris did the job and was dirt cheap to run.

People thinking they need a big car to go further than the local shops is a pain in the arse frankly, and I never will understand why people are nervous about motorways - they're the safest roads of all and an absolute doddle if you've the most basic competence.

Do you have a formal childcare arrangement when you split up and aren't married? I don't know how it works.

But ridiculous Op. It’s 30 miles not 300 miles. Cars are perfectly capable of driving, many people commute that distance or more to work.

You need to go back to CMS. For some stupid reason you have to ask them to take dividends into account rather than them doing so automatically

I feel the same, OP. I now have a small car and have become a very nervous motorway driver, when I used to be absolutely fine. Comments about giving women drivers a bad name are really not helpful, we're not being nervous deliberately!