Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

I used to have two tiny Daihatsu's first a Cuore then a Charade drove all over the place with them and never thought about it, with and without oldest son who was then small

We now have a Ceed Estate which is clearly more comfortable and a Picanto. The only issue with it is that if middle son (17) is in the front seat then he can get in the way of the gearstick but he's a chunky 6ft 3

Just act like my mother did when told that we didnt have a driver so she was going to have to drive the trailer with the hot air balloon in it - never driven trailers before or balloon retrieves, she gritted her teeth and got on with it.

You refer to a Fiat 500. I assume this is the modern version and not the 500cc jobby from way back when. I was hired one on Gran Canaria. It felt small even compared with our Fabia which, derived from a Polo, is in the same category. It was fine on the motorway equivalent roads there and in the hills. Hills though needed a bit of stirring the gears.

My own Mother had similar issues; Dad did all long distance driving. In the end as a widow in her seventies she limited herself to an increasingly narrow set of routes.

Have you looked at driver training either by self help routes or a professional instructor.

https://advanced-driving.co.uk/driving-confidence-tips/

https://www.iamroadsmart.com/

This is why motorway driving should be part of the driving test. If you can't drive confidently and safely on the motorway you shouldn't be in a car.

How do you even get to "the arse end of nowhere" in a 30 minute drive that includes a motorway? Stop being such a wuss!

Nervous drivers are a danger to both themselves and to others. Quite frankly, I’d rather OP sticks to being a nervous driver in her small car. Large car or no, she’ll remain a nervous driver.

Plus, RTFT. OP chose to register her children using her ex’ address, rather than send them to a local school. Hence the school run.

Oh no, anyway.

She needs to get a grip.

Guessing it was her first car in her early 20s and then she met her ex and it wasn’t driven for a long time. Now she is forced to drive it again as they have split up.

30 minutes away? Assuming he is only asking for a fair share of pick ups and drop offs (50:50) then you are being totally unreasonable.

Just driven my MILs fiat 500 from York to Salento in the South of Italy, on high speed toll roads and through the Alps!

Why purchase a small car if you don’t want to drive that small car?

I used to do 600 mile round trips in mine. With children in it. Never once felt I wasn’t safe.

Just to try and make you feel better - my mum had my little boy rear facing in the front seat of her small car (can’t remember what it was but very low etc) and they got side swiped by a lorry on the passenger side. Even though the lorry hit the car where my little boy was sitting and meant the door was concaved in and couldn’t open - his car seat did not move at all and neither him or my mum had injuries even though car was written off. So small cars definitely can hold up with the safety aspect.

I do understand your frustration of it and actually sounds like the issue is the deadbeat ex and the inconvenience of the small car rather than the actual driving though.

Do you have to put one car seat in the front because you are putting your buggy in the back seat? Can you get a smaller buggy that would fit into the boot/front seat? I think when you have driven your wee Fiat a bit more your confidence will grow and you will enjoy it more. At the moment the whole car situation is bound up with anger and resentment at your ex.

You are much more likely to be involved in an accident by going on non-motorway roads. UK motorways are some of the safest roads in the world.

And it's not a small difference -- like 3x or 4x the accident rates happen on A roads compared to motorways, per mile driven.

I'm on the fence about this one.

On the one hand, it's not actually very far and, unless your car is very unreliable you should be able to manage it.

on the other hand... Why should you?

also - at one time we were a 2 car family. I had an old Jimny and he had an old Saab. If we were going somewhere together we chose what we thought was the most appropriate car. For visiting my mum down narrow country lanes and with lots of hills, the Jimny because it had 4 wheel drive to get out of ditches etc. and more torque for the hills. For long journeys and ones involving driving at speed, the Saab - it was more comfortable and made less of an effort driving at 70 miles per hour (the Jimny really struggled).

I wouldn't NOT drive a Fiat 500 on the motorway, but it's not something I would choose to do.

I completely get it, especially with kids. But at the end of the day, it is silly. Motorway driving is no different to a roads/b roads.

You have not wasted the best years of your life, you have two beautiful children and are a young women with your whole life in front of you. The next few years are going to be tough, becauss you are not where you thought you would be; but you are making it worse for yourself by being angry and resentful about your horrible ex. Use that anger positively to drive yourself forward without him, and show those children what a strong women looks like.

I'd look into changing you car.
You may be able to get something bigger for less than you think.
I'd also work very hard on your ex to make him contribute more- they are his kids too.

I drove from south Suffolk to Gretna Green in my old Fiat 500.

.

You're saying you won't drive for 30 minutes? Some of it on a motorway?

Look at taking some extra lessons so you build your confidence of motorway driving.

Yes, I agree it would be a good thing for her but some of the posts aren’t sympathetic in tone and the lack of empathy is trumping the usual response to an ex who isn’t remotely helpful.

All cars have to meet minimum safety standards. Small cars aren't unsafe.

Op is young with many years driving ahead, it would be sensible for her to get over her anxieties so she is not unnecessarily limited in where she can go.

I think knowing your limits stops you being dangerous.
I’m an older driver and live rurally. I am now nervous on motorways and very big busy roundabouts that I am not familiar with.
I’m not at all nervous to drive locally on familiar roads and I drive at a normal speed without undue hesitation.
I think it’s sensible to stick to what I know I can manage.

Your ex is truly a selfish bastard. YANBU to refuse to drive in the circumstances you have explained.

I am angry for you! My advice, having divorced a selfish older man, is to constantly consider ‘what is best overall for the kids’ - that includes having a happy and relaxed mum, who prioritises herself at times. So sometimes you need to avoid conflict but sometimes you do need to dig in your heels. It’s not bitterness it’s just that otherwise you’ll never have the life you deserve to have, as you are constantly trying to compensate for their waste of space dad. Good luck. You are strong.