Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a daily shower is not excessive for a 12 & 14 YO?

138 replies

Question2288 · 01/06/2026 19:51

DP has just decreed a daily shower as ‘excessive’ and they are absolutely not to have them.

OP posts:
DirtyGertiefromno30 · 01/06/2026 20:32

Tell him to do one@Question2288. I expect he's a cocklodger getting too comfortable.

Justusethebloodyphone · 01/06/2026 20:29

This is not a good environment for teens - where a non parent has this level of input.

Did he move into your home? Does he pay 50% of everything (including rent/mortgage) even though he is one person or does he get a free pass on the roof over his head?

likeafishneedsabike · 01/06/2026 20:27

My teens shower twice a day but the understanding is that each shower lasts no more than 5 mins.
On the last holiday we went on, showers were unrestricted and I swear their room was like an actual steam room. Their unworn holiday clothes had to be tumble dried at home to eliminate the dampness!
The OP’s partner is being a dick to ban daily showers but could reasonably restrict the duration.doesn’t sound like he’s reasonable though…

YourPoliteTurtle · 01/06/2026 20:27

Question2288 · 01/06/2026 20:16

Oh thank god for you lot - genuinely thought I was losing it.

It’s interesting reading some of the comments. You are all spot on: not their dad, if he showers 3 times a week that’s a good week, and it is most definitely the tip of the iceberg.

He thinks he has a say as he pays half the utilities.

how can you stay with such a pig in the first place?

My kids or I tend to have 2 showers every day.

Velumental · 01/06/2026 20:24

Why do you need strangers on the internet to tell you that it's not ok for some man to tell your kids they can't WASH THEMSELVES in your home?

This can't be the only thing he does like this.

Jellybean23 · 01/06/2026 20:23

Put your children first, get rid of him.

FlowerSticker · 01/06/2026 20:22

Question2288 · 01/06/2026 20:16

Oh thank god for you lot - genuinely thought I was losing it.

It’s interesting reading some of the comments. You are all spot on: not their dad, if he showers 3 times a week that’s a good week, and it is most definitely the tip of the iceberg.

He thinks he has a say as he pays half the utilities.

Ugh.

Tell him to fuck off

Velumental · 01/06/2026 20:22

Question2288 · 01/06/2026 20:16

Oh thank god for you lot - genuinely thought I was losing it.

It’s interesting reading some of the comments. You are all spot on: not their dad, if he showers 3 times a week that’s a good week, and it is most definitely the tip of the iceberg.

He thinks he has a say as he pays half the utilities.

Why are you with him?

TiredMagpie · 01/06/2026 20:22

a) He is disgusting for only showering a few times a week 🤢

b) Everyone should be showering daily, and teenagers especially due to their raging hormones. Also a really important point in their lives for learning good hygiene and self care routines.

What is wrong with this guy?!

ValenciaOrange · 01/06/2026 20:20

Essential not excessive.

ChillingWithMySnowmies · 01/06/2026 20:20

mine are every other day showerers unless they really need to be more frequent.

I don't think the issue here is frequency though.. its someone trying to restrict it.

a 5 min shower once a day isn't anything worth restricting.

spicysalad · 01/06/2026 20:19

A daily shower is essential at those ages

Stoicandhappy · 01/06/2026 20:19

Question2288 · 01/06/2026 20:16

Oh thank god for you lot - genuinely thought I was losing it.

It’s interesting reading some of the comments. You are all spot on: not their dad, if he showers 3 times a week that’s a good week, and it is most definitely the tip of the iceberg.

He thinks he has a say as he pays half the utilities.

Do you want to share more about his unpleasant behaviour?

Do you have plans to split up? It must be awful for your DC. 💐

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 01/06/2026 20:19

Question2288 · 01/06/2026 19:51

DP has just decreed a daily shower as ‘excessive’ and they are absolutely not to have them.

Daily showers are essential for teens/tweens! The teen pong would be unbearable - in the house, sheets, everything. Please don't let them get into these nasty habits and turn them into adults who cause folks to gag when near them! Override your DP.

chirrupybird · 01/06/2026 20:18

Possibly cost of water on a meter? As a child of the shared bath with siblings once a week era I don't see it as essential.

Okiedokie123 · 01/06/2026 20:17

Essential for some teens but not all. My two for example are fine if they shower every other day (assuming it’s not a heatwave, not done any major exercise).
But I agree it’s weird to make a rule about it (in either direction!)

AsimpleOstrich · 01/06/2026 20:16

I have 14 year old twins. They both shower at least once a day.

Original poster
Question2288 · 01/06/2026 20:16

Oh thank god for you lot - genuinely thought I was losing it.

It’s interesting reading some of the comments. You are all spot on: not their dad, if he showers 3 times a week that’s a good week, and it is most definitely the tip of the iceberg.

He thinks he has a say as he pays half the utilities.

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 01/06/2026 20:14

Ours were having 2 a day at that age. One in the morning to wake themselves up and get the night sweat off, and another in the evening.

He needs to get a grip

EBearhug · 01/06/2026 20:14

They need to understand that 1 x 20min long shower every other day is not the same as 1 X 5min long shower every day, or even twice a day. So there could be some adaptation of habits needed there.

I'd have thought at 12 & 14, they would have some say in how often they shower, anyway. But once a day is the minimum requirement.

NuffSaidSam · 01/06/2026 20:10

If you're in the UK, no that's not excessive.

If you're somewhere that is suffering from terrible drought then yes it's excessive.

TheChosenTwo · 01/06/2026 20:09

Whaaaattt??? It’s definitely the age where if they haven’t already been doing so, daily showers become very important!
ive worked in classrooms where 10 year olds could definitely have benefitted from daily showers (plus clean shirts daily and deodorant, bless them).

helpnavigateteens · 01/06/2026 20:08

They definitely need a daily shower!

It’s good for them to see it as part of their daily routine so they grow into hygienic adults, so for this reason too I would enforce it.

Lomonald · 01/06/2026 20:08

Question2288 · 01/06/2026 19:51

DP has just decreed a daily shower as ‘excessive’ and they are absolutely not to have them.

A daily shower for adolescent probably hormonal teenagers is perfectly normal, im surprised your 14 year old isn't in twice a day!

Justusethebloodyphone · 01/06/2026 20:08

Mine will often have 2 showers a day.

We have had to talk to them about the length of showers though as the sheer volume of steam was causing mold for the first time ever in the bathroom.