To think a daily shower is not excessive for a 12 & 14 YO?

Question2288 · 2026-06-01T18:51:58+00:00

DP has just decreed a daily shower as ‘excessive’ and they are absolutely not to have them.

Bikergran · 03/06/2026 14:04

He's an unhygienic controlling twunt. You deserve better.

Silverfoxette · 03/06/2026 09:30

At least once a day has to be done in our house, DS sweats a lot

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/06/2026 08:46

I think a proper wash every day probably is needed for teens.

My 12 yo DS has a bath every day!

17 dd has a shower (her preference) daily but on about 4 of the days it’s a non-hair washing one as she has long thick hair.

Sparrowsandbudgies · 03/06/2026 08:05

Question2288 · 01/06/2026 20:16

Oh thank god for you lot - genuinely thought I was losing it.

It’s interesting reading some of the comments. You are all spot on: not their dad, if he showers 3 times a week that’s a good week, and it is most definitely the tip of the iceberg.

He thinks he has a say as he pays half the utilities.

And I hope he’s going to be an ex now?! What a horrible man!

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 03/06/2026 07:58

Question2288 · 01/06/2026 20:16

Oh thank god for you lot - genuinely thought I was losing it.

It’s interesting reading some of the comments. You are all spot on: not their dad, if he showers 3 times a week that’s a good week, and it is most definitely the tip of the iceberg.

He thinks he has a say as he pays half the utilities.

Eww, tell me you dont sleep with Mr Stink?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 03/06/2026 07:31

Thepeopleversuswork · 03/06/2026 07:10

There’s always someone who pops up on these threads saying a flannel wash in a puddle once every two weeks is adequate. Its not really the point though.

The point is the OP’s partner is arbitrarily denying her kids the right to wash. He needs to get in the bin.

Show quote history

"He needs to get in the bin." is one of my favourite MN replies. 👏

Thepeopleversuswork · 03/06/2026 07:10

SmallandSpanish · 02/06/2026 20:11

I'm not gonna say it's essential for tweens to shower everyday. My objection is that people love to show off about how often they shower as if it's somehow makes them better. In my mind, it often hides insecurities as if they see themselves as inherently 'unclean'. It easily tips into obsession - see above about showering 3 times a day. That is just not healthy for the skin microbiome and will be very drying. I've seen teens become obsessed with showering and I think once a day is more than enough in most circumstances.

That said, I'd say it's common for teens for want to shower everyday and it's certainly necessary if they smell.

There’s always someone who pops up on these threads saying a flannel wash in a puddle once every two weeks is adequate. Its not really the point though.

The point is the OP’s partner is arbitrarily denying her kids the right to wash. He needs to get in the bin.

PersephoneParlormaid · 03/06/2026 06:51

As someone who works in high schools, yes a daily shower is needed, along with daily tooth brushing, and more than one shirt per week.

dnadiscoveryquery · 03/06/2026 06:48

Oh op, I’m sorry, I’m glad you’re gaining strength from this thread. I’m sure you knew it wasn’t right, you’ve just been gaslit to think otherwise.
For what it’s worth my teen has two showers an evening! (And we have a meter) Ince after the gym, and once before bed to wind down.

it’s not about the shower though is it, it’s about the control. You can do this op and get yourself and your kids to a much better environment place.

Todayismyfavouriteday · 03/06/2026 01:47

Oh you poor thing, please leave this poor excuse of a man. Three showers a week (filthy bastard)? Telling you how often your children should shower? Run for the hill, common children or not!

Thecomedyclub · 03/06/2026 00:00

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/06/2026 22:20

I have water in Kent ?

Show quote history

Ok I realise it’s a huge county. Read the room, and the news.

changeme4this · 02/06/2026 23:10

I shower twice a day, DH at least once a daily basis but may have another depending on activities.

Same with our DC at all stages of life. If they feel they need to shower again, go for it.

never in a million years would I limit personal hygiene cleanliness.

Get rid of the step father pronto.

Everydayimhuffling · 02/06/2026 21:15

You can absolutely get thoroughly clean with a flannel and a sink of water. It's a pain in the arse. I wouldn't do it unless I had to for whatever reason. Making young teens do it for no reason is mean

ColdWaterDipper · 02/06/2026 21:06

I wouldn’t want to live in a house with teens / almost teens who didn’t shower every day! My 14 year old showers at home in the morning before school and at night after swim training (or the other way round it he has swum in the morning and been for a run in the evening. The 12 year old showers every morning before school and sometimes again at night if he’s been out playing rugby /football or been running etc.

ALLgo · 02/06/2026 20:50

Definitely teens need to shower once a day...especially if playing sports.

allthingsinmoderation · 02/06/2026 20:49

Does he say why he thinks showering daily is excessive ?
What do you say when he says your teens shouldn't shower daily?

SmallandSpanish · 02/06/2026 20:11

I'm not gonna say it's essential for tweens to shower everyday. My objection is that people love to show off about how often they shower as if it's somehow makes them better. In my mind, it often hides insecurities as if they see themselves as inherently 'unclean'. It easily tips into obsession - see above about showering 3 times a day. That is just not healthy for the skin microbiome and will be very drying. I've seen teens become obsessed with showering and I think once a day is more than enough in most circumstances.

That said, I'd say it's common for teens for want to shower everyday and it's certainly necessary if they smell.

DeltaVariant · 02/06/2026 15:45

We’re not shower every day people, namely it’s over a bath and im disabled. But a thorough wash with proper soapy and a sink of water happens twice a day. All crevices. Cold water even in winter was my norm. I used to be piss poor. Soap and some cold water though really does cost almost nothing.

PeonyBulb · 02/06/2026 14:37

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/controlling-or-coercive-behaviour-statutory-guidance-framework/controlling-or-coercive-behaviour-statutory-guidance-framework-accessible

GrinchPink · 02/06/2026 13:03

He doesn’t shower every day? YUCK ! How do you sleep with him and have sex with him 😬🫣 Dread to think what his pillow looks like 🤢

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 02/06/2026 12:38

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 01/06/2026 20:19

Daily showers are essential for teens/tweens! The teen pong would be unbearable - in the house, sheets, everything. Please don't let them get into these nasty habits and turn them into adults who cause folks to gag when near them! Override your DP.

Show quote history

They might not smell yet especially at 12, my DC is 13 and has zero BO yet.

He doesn't shower every day (yet).

BCBird · 02/06/2026 12:32

Hotupnorth · 02/06/2026 09:37

Your DH has clearly never spent a hot day in a classroom full of teens. Between deodorant, cologne, hair products it's aromatic enough without adding BO and feet into the mix.

How true.

Decacaffeinatednow · 02/06/2026 12:01

@mycarhasnoaircon
He is abusive. The op has said this is just one of hundreds of examples of his behaviour towards her children and her.

ToadRage · 02/06/2026 10:08

Tell him that if he wants to smell that's fine but you and your children don't. My husband showers daily, sometimes twice. I will have a quick 5 minute shower daily and a longer one, washing my hair and shaving my legs a couple of times a week.

Sartre · 02/06/2026 09:52

How is a guy who washes 3 times a week and thinks the whole family should also do this appealing exactly? Sounds utterly grim. I think most people wash daily. Young children don’t need washing every day but after puberty they do. My 16 yo DS absolutely reeks to high heavens when he wakes up, he just stinks of vinegar?? He definitely can’t get away without washing every morning!