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AIBU?

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Original poster

How to advise DD

109 replies

cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 16:53

Dd 29 been with partner 5 yrs and they rent together. Neither of them are particularly high earners and dd assumed if they got married they would get a mortgage together. Partner’s dad has now decided to help his son buy a house via a trust fund- so the trust would be taking out a mortgage. It transpires his dad is a very wealthy man. I don’t blame him with the divorce rate as it is. They would both be living there and partner would not want dd to pay rent.

Aibu to help her get a small buy to let so she has something in her (or the mortgage lender’s!) name? We can give her a small deposit. I’m not sure what to do for the best.

OP posts:
Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 02/06/2026 20:46

MustWeDoThis · 02/06/2026 18:32

I would do that, but if the partner respects her enough and wants her to be his wife...then he needs to put her name on the mortgage. He could go after anything she has. He needs to prove his salt and make sure her name is also placed on that house. If he won't do it...tell her to run for the hills.

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Are you saying he should be putting her name on the mortgage even though she hasn’t contributed? And if so surely not in equal shares?

OP posts:
Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 02/06/2026 20:42

Kirschcherries · 02/06/2026 19:08

@cupfinalchaos As pp have said a S&S ISA is a sensible option. I would also advise your daughter to save what she would be paying in rent/mortgage into the S&S ISA on a monthly basis. There are simple investments like index tracker funds that she can put money into each month.

In addition to a pre-nup I would be looking at a co-habitation agreement that clearly sets out that your daughter is not responsible for maintenance of a property she doesn’t own. It’s really easy to get swept away in the excitement of setting up your first home that you pay for things that you will never own e.g. light fixings, curtain rails etc. I also agree with pp it needs to document what happens when children come along.

I know it sounds unromantic but you only have to read threads on here to see how naive many women can be and leave themselves in a financially vulnerable position.

Absolutely.. she won’t be spending money on his house but until they get engaged there’s not much else I can do.

OP posts:
Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 02/06/2026 20:39

Yellowshirt · 02/06/2026 19:12

Why not open an isa or Lisa for her. Her boyfriend doesn't sound committed if he wants a pre nup.
I could maybe understand if he was a multi millionaire but not if they are earning approximately the same amount.

He is due to inherit millions unfortunately sooner rather than later. I hadn’t thought of it that way that he sounds non comited because of that.

OP posts:
Yellowshirt · 02/06/2026 19:12

Why not open an isa or Lisa for her. Her boyfriend doesn't sound committed if he wants a pre nup.
I could maybe understand if he was a multi millionaire but not if they are earning approximately the same amount.

Kirschcherries · 02/06/2026 19:08

@cupfinalchaos As pp have said a S&S ISA is a sensible option. I would also advise your daughter to save what she would be paying in rent/mortgage into the S&S ISA on a monthly basis. There are simple investments like index tracker funds that she can put money into each month.

In addition to a pre-nup I would be looking at a co-habitation agreement that clearly sets out that your daughter is not responsible for maintenance of a property she doesn’t own. It’s really easy to get swept away in the excitement of setting up your first home that you pay for things that you will never own e.g. light fixings, curtain rails etc. I also agree with pp it needs to document what happens when children come along.

I know it sounds unromantic but you only have to read threads on here to see how naive many women can be and leave themselves in a financially vulnerable position.

Lilyhatesjaz · 02/06/2026 19:03

If she has a buy to let and later wants to buy her own place to live in she will have to pay second property stamp duty.
Being a landlord is a pain in the arse and not profitable if the property is mortgaged.
It can be very difficult to get tenants out and they can do a lot of damage before they leave.
Don't do it.

MustWeDoThis · 02/06/2026 18:32

cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 16:53

Dd 29 been with partner 5 yrs and they rent together. Neither of them are particularly high earners and dd assumed if they got married they would get a mortgage together. Partner’s dad has now decided to help his son buy a house via a trust fund- so the trust would be taking out a mortgage. It transpires his dad is a very wealthy man. I don’t blame him with the divorce rate as it is. They would both be living there and partner would not want dd to pay rent.

Aibu to help her get a small buy to let so she has something in her (or the mortgage lender’s!) name? We can give her a small deposit. I’m not sure what to do for the best.

I would do that, but if the partner respects her enough and wants her to be his wife...then he needs to put her name on the mortgage. He could go after anything she has. He needs to prove his salt and make sure her name is also placed on that house. If he won't do it...tell her to run for the hills.

Lollipop81 · 02/06/2026 18:29

cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 17:10

I think his dad is keen to keep things separate but definitely worth thinking about.

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They are getting married and starting a life together. Why is the Dad getting so involved? I can understand him protecting his son’s assets, but he shouldn’t be dictating how and what they do.

StripedTee · 02/06/2026 00:04

cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 23:08

We’d be giving her the deposit for it.

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The PP is asking why you feel the need to.

Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 23:08

Purpleturtle45 · 01/06/2026 22:01

Why would you need to help get a btl, if she is living rent free could she not afford it herself? Surely she is able to figure it out herself at that age 🤷🏼‍♀️

We’d be giving her the deposit for it.

OP posts:
TheBlissfulSloth · 01/06/2026 22:28

No way would I marry a man who insisted on a prenup.

JustMarriedBecca · 01/06/2026 22:17

I think it's sensible of her DP's father to be protecting his assets. I would do the same. I'd have no problem if any partner of mine wanted to agree a prenup or protect historic family income. And I'd be suspicious in their shoes of anyone who did have a problem with it. It's not a criticism of their relationship - or dooming it to fail - it's all hypothetical.

I would however be asking questions

  • what happens when we have children
  • what if I go part time to cover childcare to enable YOUR career
  • will the prenup reflect and change depending on the number of years we're together?

I have no knowledge of BTL Vs Cash ISAS but the idea of everyone communicating openly about finances, sounds pretty sensible to me

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 01/06/2026 22:15

cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 21:38

She’s a creative girl and not great with that type of thing (like me).. i can’t imagine her researching compound interest!

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She doesn’t know how to use google? Perhaps you need to start there with her in terms of advice.

Purpleturtle45 · 01/06/2026 22:01

Why would you need to help get a btl, if she is living rent free could she not afford it herself? Surely she is able to figure it out herself at that age 🤷🏼‍♀️

YourWinter · 01/06/2026 21:42

Nothing on this earth would tempt me to become a landlord. Is it something she really wants to take on?

BlueMum16 · 01/06/2026 21:41

cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 21:38

She’s a creative girl and not great with that type of thing (like me).. i can’t imagine her researching compound interest!

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But you think she can be a landlord and all the responsibility that entails?

Genevieva · 01/06/2026 21:39

His father sounds very controlling. They should get married and then buy a house together. If parents can help with a deposit, that’s great. Living in a property or bed by his Dad’s trust fund sounds infantilising.

Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 21:38

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 01/06/2026 20:25

Stocks and shares ISA would be far better than a buy to let. Really encourage her to invest what she would have spent each month on rent. Have her do some research on global equities and the power of compound interest.

She’s a creative girl and not great with that type of thing (like me).. i can’t imagine her researching compound interest!

OP posts:
HappyHedgehog247 · 01/06/2026 21:36

In this situation, I would invest the money in a LISA (lifetime ISA) not a BTL unless your DD wants to become a landlord as a side project. Returns are decreasing on BTL, and if the relationship did fail and she needed somewhere to live she wouldn't be able to for several months if the property is tenanted. Financially, investing likely to be the best decision. Psychologically, she may like the idea of a home of her own. I wonder how it will be for her always living in his house?

Iizzyb · 01/06/2026 21:36

2children3dogs · 01/06/2026 17:11

Imo this would be terrible financial advise. Not least because owning a property and being a LL is a massive pain and tie.
I would be encouraging her to save the money she'd usually be paying in rent each month into a stocks and shares isa if she was my daughter.

This 100%

Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 21:35

InterIgnis · 01/06/2026 20:45

Prenups aren’t simply imposed, they’re negotiated, and must be fair to both parties. He can protects his assets from being considered marital property, and she can do the same for any savings and investments.

I wouldn’t advise her to go down the BTL route at all.

Yup- dh would get his best lawyer onto it.

OP posts:
Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 21:35

AmandaHoldensLips · 01/06/2026 20:45

If they were to decide to marry, that would be the time for them to sit down together and discuss how they would achieve a sense of equity, so she is not disadvantaged in the event of children and worst-case-scenario if they were to divorce.

These are essential conversations to have prior to marriage and/or parenthood. Women get screwed over time and time again.

Being a landlord is not for the faint of heart and can be an almighty headache.

Agreed. I’m jumping the gun because all their friends are getting married now.

OP posts:
Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 21:33

Bumcake · 01/06/2026 19:15

If I was you I’d be delighted for my daughter that she’ll be getting free accommodation and advise her to put her spare ££ into an ISA or pension. Being a landlord is a ballache.

Also, she’s nearly 30 - does she really want your input?

Of course she wants my input I’m her mother, someone with her interests at heart. You don’t stop being their mother when they turn 30.. or 40 for that matter.

OP posts:
Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 21:29

QuickBrown · 01/06/2026 19:14

Sometimes the best way to make someone realise something isn't to tell them, it is to ask them. She should ask him "how do you envisage that working if we have children" and if he's a good man the penny should drop that this plan is leaving her vulnerable. If he can't come up with a solution that is fair to both, she doesn't move in with him (or marry him).

Absolutely. She’s earning a decent salary and if she makes sacrifices to be home with kids that needs to be reflected in any future prenup.

OP posts:
Alouest · 01/06/2026 20:59

MakingPlans2025 · 01/06/2026 20:28

Any savings are also an asset and it’s against the law to “stash “ them away and not declare them in the event of a divorce.

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The deposit is not hers. The money currently belongs to her mum. It's not against the law for her mum to invest this and later gift any proceeds to her daughter if she wants to.