AIBU not to share wedding gift details with my MIL?

I would do something like this. Just edit your list and take out amounts and brands so it just reads Name and either Cash/Voucher/Dinner set

Don’t tell her! Yanbu.

Either lie and say you’ve deleted/thrown away the list because you’ve finished your thank you cards or just say it feels an uncomfortable thing to do and like you’re overstepping with people’s privacy.

I certainly wouldn’t tell her any specific monetary amounts if people gave cash - make out like you didn’t keep a record of amounts.

I can't understand why she wants this or why some pp think you should give her the list if there is or even if there isn't a cultural issue! Does she only want her side's gifts, or everyone's? I find this very unusual.

I would not be encouraging this by sharing the details @grapevinewine because the next thing it’s when you have kids, whom got them what?

Every birthday and Christmas. Maybe even Easter.

it’s just not details that need sharing with anyone outside of the two of you.

Why isn’t she asking her son

presumably a baby shower if you had one would be YOUR friends, so a completely different scenario...

You can of course have one and invite your husband's old family friends, but that's unusual 😂

that might be your reasoning, but most people wouldn't care if they give more, but would rather not give less

I can't even comprehend why it's such a "secret" if you receive an actual gift. People are weird.

Definitely be upfront and just say something like ‘Oh no I’m sorry I’m not comfortable doing that I wouldn’t want to highlight or embarrass anyone. But is it that you are worried that you’re giving out to little or too large gifts? I could give you a rough idea if that would help?’

Be grateful for small mercies!

Could you compromise on just "these are the people who gave us gifts/cash etc and I've sent thank-you cards to" and leave it at that? Vague rather than "Sheila and Bob gave us £50 in John Lewis Vouchers".

That’s totally bizarre and I wouldn’t be comfortable with that either. My parents have asked before what their friends gave us as wedding gifts when going to the children of those friends’ weddings so that they know their gifts aren’t going to be massively over or under and make anyone uncomfortable. But other than that, I can see why they’d want to know

Tel her you’ve sent your thank you notes and threw the list away so can’t remember who gave what

Odd to ask but when ds and dil got married, dil often said something like: ooh auntie Jane and Uncle John bougbt the dinner plates or of course I"ll wrote but we were so touched that your mum gave us £500. Osn't much of It just wedding chit chat? Or perhaps ot wasn't an issue because I didn't really care, although I did think mean cow when I heard sil gave a couple of plastic storage c9ntainers and I think we all rolled our eyes.

But in this instance, you would be MIL's friend (as that is what the OP's MIL has asked for, a list of what her friends have gifted) - would it really bother you for your friend to know what you gifted her son for his wedding?

"Oh, Susan only gave you a gift worth £50... I was going to give her daughter a gift worth £100 but I'll give a cheaper one now instead". Weird!

I would discuss gifts with family generally, I wouldn't supply a list of exactly who gave me what and how much it cost.

I think you're being weird about it not your MIL.

She's displaying an average interest in something lovely that involves a link between her child and her friends.
She probably wants to take some pleasure in knowing that Barbara sent you one of those lovely cushion covers she buys/ makes.
Or Sue remembered that she mentioned you hadn't got champagne flutes.
It sounds like a nice little bit of pleasure for her to enjoy her friends kindness & generosity to you.

And you're treating it like some weird Data protection operation exercise.

It would seem like a perfectly natural conversation to me with my mother or MIL to let them know what their very kind friends had gifted us.

I find it weirder that people do not have discuss anything within their own family 😂

Of course it's not wrong to check you are giving enough, why would that possibly be wrong?

Oh dear the list file got corrupted. Sorry I can't open or send it now you nosy cow.

Reminds me of FIL who was very weird about gifts. Prior to the wedding, I was told that a very wealthy Aunt of dhs wanted to buy us a canteen of cutlery (this was years ago) that we could cherish forever and that Aunt was, very kindly, going to spend a lot of money on it. I asked whether we could choose one we liked from whichever store Aunt intended to purchase it from, obviously, Aunt could tell us the budget but was told that was extremely rude of me to ask and I should just be grateful for whatever was bought. Hence, we have a very expensive but very hideous canteen of cutlery that hasn't been out of the case since the wedding, over 30 years ago.

Wanting to know the amount so that you can give a gift of a similar value is still wrong. Your MIL should give a gift that she feels is appropriate, not one that matched the value that one of her friends gave to you!

I would eitherr just give a generic list as mentioned earlier (Susan - toaster, James - cutlery) or tell her a straight no.

I also have family from another culture which do cash gifts and want to know these sorts of details. I remember a funeral where the widow of the deceased was getting me to help count how much cash was in the condolence cards purely to see if she'd received more than her sibling.

It's always felt a bit knowing the cost of everything and the value of nothing to me.

Brilliant!