To have asked what his daughter normally eats in a foodless house??

Run. You deserve better. Send a message advising him to be a better father.

My last BF was like this. He had nothing in his house and also wouldn’t eat out anywhere except Wetherspoons or a supermarket cafe or have a takeaway other than chips and curry sauce from the Chinese near his house. When alone he would go to Lidl and buy himself a family sized lasagne and just eat that. On work days he ate at work (and stole snacks to take home).

At my house however he enjoyed 3 big meals a day plus snacks and endless cups of tea and coffee. And had the cheek to refuse to pay if we went out anywhere.

The final straw was we went on holiday to Greece (bed and breakfast only) and he wouldn’t eat dinner out at night. He wanted to buy snacks from the mini market and sit in the room to eat them.

I couldn’t though.

I could eat a box of cereal over the course of a weekend but that would be all I ate.

The majority of people are overweight, men and women

What about men dating an overweight woman?

Why not? I have. If I like your personality and you’re kind and make me feel good, what’s not to like?

I could cook but I cba to plan ahead. How would I know what I wanted to eat the next day?

I would buy fruit and salad stuff and then eat it all so it didn’t ripen any further ( For full disclosure I’m AuDHD so a very picky eater so would often eat a large plate of one component (eg boiled potatoes ).

There was no point in having cupboards full of stuff when I didn’t know if I would eat it. I didn’t buy bread etc unless I knew I would eat it before it went off.

But then I have no interest in cooking and there is a massive list of stuff I can’t or won’t eat so it’s fairly pointless.

Is that because you don’t know how to meal plan or cook?

I very rarely meal plan, I just buy all the basics and a number of specialist things that I need for one dish, and eat them in any order. For example I always have bread, beans, butter and cheese in so that beans on toast and cheese on toast just from stuff I have in permanently in the cupboard/fridge/freezer.

Then if I have carrots and courgettes, or I buy them with a plan, I can do the curry thing I like. The other ingredients for that are covered in my basics.

But I don’t say ‘today is Monday so I’m having the thing I planned for’.

So do you shop every day or two? Sometimes I don’t go for a fortnight!

I didn't know women in this day and age would date an overweight man.

You did the right thing following up regarding food for the daughter. I’d urge the father directly to sort it out too. Good you’ve got yourself out of that one!

Id run a mile. He must be either broken or too lazy to shop, including take care of his daughter.
I'd avoid him at all costs and question what kind of dad he is

Sounds like a keeper 🤣

Yes sometimes. Its just very odd, and something I only really see on here that people make 'referrals' to school, rather than social services.

Did he reply OP?

I'm not convinced he'd be very scrupulous about changing and washing his bed linen, either.

@likelysuspect in some areas there is only one school the child would go to, others being too far away.

For some reason I am very invested and need to know if there was milk for the (unwanted) tea.

YANBU. His life sounds chaotic and it’s a miracle him and his daughter don’t have scurvy. He’s really setting her up to fail on so many fronts with the terrible nutrition.

It’s clear he invited you over for sex and to buy him dinner, which is all deeply unattractive. 🫤

He sounds vile. What a role model! Pity his poor daughter.

Tbf, he can't be THAT hard up if they're living on takeaways - they're not exactly cheap.

It's laziness, perhaps a lack of knowledge, in my opinion. Very neglectful of his daughters health.

OP is 100% not BU.

My first thought was he hasn’t been paid yet, we’ve all been there just before payday. But even on them days I’ve freezer food & tins etc

Next thought is they survive on takeaway, either way you don’t sound compatible at all.

Did he have pillow cases and a sheet on the bed ? He sounds crap

You don’t eat takeaway but you will eat an Asda pizza 🍕 stop it.

I think i would have had the ick do badly about how he 'cares' for guests and his own daughter that I couldn't have got into bed with him. Or if I did it would definitely have been the last time once I discovered he couldn't provide either of you with breakfast. He'd have to have conceived his daughter by the age of 6, absolute max, for this to be an appropriate way to live. 🤢

I know. I could live like a king on basic ingredients.

I dont think thats the odd thing. We get lots of referrals in which would read (in this case) - a child lives in a house where there is no food habitually in the house, no breakfast on a regular basis, the house is slightly grubby, the child is overweight

Its not a CP referral so technically we would want the parents consent to a referral.

What is odd though, is why someone would a) know what school the child goes to, given she doesnt reallly know this bloke that well and b) not just make a standard phone call or email to the Local Authority given that information is obviously known, she knows the address, knows the child's name, knows the fathers name. I dont know why OP would know the child's school

But there you are.