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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have asked what his daughter normally eats in a foodless house??

456 replies

AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay · 01/06/2026 13:28

Bloke I’ve been seeing invited me over for dinner Saturday night. Idea was he’d cook dinner, I stay the night and then drive to the coast Sunday morning.

So I got there and he said he’d decided we should get a takeaway instead of him cooking. I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything … beans on toast would do. He said he didn’t have anything in. No bread, nothing. I’d noticed there was a pizza in the fridge so I suggested we cook that, he said no as it’s his daughters (she lives with him, 12) and she’d given strict instructions not to touch it. I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Anyway I agreed to the takeaway but made it clear that I wouldn’t be making a habit of it as I’m health conscious. I ended up paying for half of it which normally I would expect but he’d invited me over for dinner!!?

Anyway next morning we got up, he made a coffee and then said we’d only be able to have the one as he was running low on coffee but he said he had plenty of tea bags in. I don’t drink tea.

Anyway time is ticking on and he asked if I was ready to head out to the coast … I said “are we not having any breakfast?” He replied “I don’t really have anything in”. So I said “no cereal?” He said no. I said “what do you normally do for breakfast?” So he said “I don’t normally bother or I have a packet of crisps”.

Now the next thing I said is my AIBU …

I said “what does your daughter eat for breakfast?”. He looked pissed off and started stuttering etc before saying she just has crisps or whatever. I didn’t say anything else but I told him I’d be stopping off at shop on the way to buy MYSELF something to eat. He then starts banging on about McDonald’s breakfast etc etc which I refused.

Hes messaged me this morning saying he’s a bit upset that I implied his daughter isn’t well taken care of. I simply asked what she normally had for breakfast since there was fuck all in the cupboards!!

Was I wrong to ask??

OP posts:
likelysuspect · 01/06/2026 17:53

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 01/06/2026 17:51

But what about things that you buy in larger quantities than you can eat in one sitting like bread, ketchup, jam, butter? Surely at some point you’d have half a jar of jam, half a tub of ketchup etc?

Did you buy ready meals instead of ingredients? Eg a frozen lasagna, a refrigerated apple pie? What about breakfast? If you were thirsty, was it water only?

I have always been an ingredients person so I’m really intrigued by this, I’m definitely not asking in a snarky way.

Edited to say sorry, I see you don’t have breakfast. What about lunch? I’m genuinely fascinated!

Edited

Me too, Ive got 2 entire cupboards of spices alone. I cant comprehend this.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 01/06/2026 17:51

Anarchy99 · 01/06/2026 17:31

It was never relevant. I sometimes had vinegar but that was it. I didn’t drink tea or coffee, I didn’t eat breakfast, and to this day I would sooner stick pins in my eyes than rice and pasta as it is horrible.

I would get more before a weekend but still not enough to have anything left over

But what about things that you buy in larger quantities than you can eat in one sitting like bread, ketchup, jam, butter? Surely at some point you’d have half a jar of jam, half a tub of ketchup etc?

Did you buy ready meals instead of ingredients? Eg a frozen lasagna, a refrigerated apple pie? What about breakfast? If you were thirsty, was it water only?

I have always been an ingredients person so I’m really intrigued by this, I’m definitely not asking in a snarky way.

Edited to say sorry, I see you don’t have breakfast. What about lunch? I’m genuinely fascinated!

likelysuspect · 01/06/2026 17:50

loislois · 01/06/2026 17:35

Have you read the full thread.?Mom has serious MH issues and doesn't need any further triggers to push her over the edge

Perhaps he does as well which explains his poor executive functioning and self neglect.

The child has 2 parents who are responsible for her care. Mum does need to be informed that her daughter might not being fed properly.

If she enters into a CHIN or CP plan, both parents will be involved.

likelysuspect · 01/06/2026 17:48

Anarchy99 · 01/06/2026 17:31

It was never relevant. I sometimes had vinegar but that was it. I didn’t drink tea or coffee, I didn’t eat breakfast, and to this day I would sooner stick pins in my eyes than rice and pasta as it is horrible.

I would get more before a weekend but still not enough to have anything left over

What sort of things would you buy that would be used in one meal though?

Most things, like a bag of potatoes, or porridge, or bread or crackers, or cheese, tin of tuna, bag of peas, jar of mayo etc, would last for more than one meal

DeltaVariant · 01/06/2026 17:48

I’d leave the relationship. Honestly, this is weird.

Horses7 · 01/06/2026 17:46

Sunnydaysarehereagain2026 · 01/06/2026 13:43

He wanted a shag. He wasn't prepared to put any effort into your evening to get it either..
Block today.

My thoughts too.
If he really cared about you (and his daughter) he would try a lot harder!! 🚩🚩

jeaux90 · 01/06/2026 17:46

Another useless man child. That poor girl! Bullet dodged OP

bigboykitty · 01/06/2026 17:45

Anarchy99 · 01/06/2026 17:31

It was never relevant. I sometimes had vinegar but that was it. I didn’t drink tea or coffee, I didn’t eat breakfast, and to this day I would sooner stick pins in my eyes than rice and pasta as it is horrible.

I would get more before a weekend but still not enough to have anything left over

Was there a child you were responsible for feeding in the middle of this weird set up?

Gloriia · 01/06/2026 17:43

LarksAscending · 01/06/2026 13:32

I’d message him back and say that it’s extremely strange to not have any food in stock so much so that she’s fiercely protective of her pizza because it’s likely she’s afraid she will otherwise have no access to food. Then I’d tell him I didn’t appreciate being lied to that he’d cook and then railroaded into a takeaway I didn’t want and then had to pay for and was then not afforded any breakfast. Then I’d say I don’t want to see him again thank you due to all of these factors and suggest that he asks his daughter if she’d prefer him to stock more food in the house.

I'd just block and delete tbh.

lessglittermoremud · 01/06/2026 17:42

You weren’t being unreasonable to ask, I have 3 boys who cupboard raid a lot….
Still at the end of the week when I’m due to go shopping there will still be porridge oats, beans, pasta and other what I call cupboard staples in.
The kids will moan that there is nothing to eat, they mean they’ve eaten all the fresh fruit etc

EmeraldShamrock000 · 01/06/2026 17:42

Wow. Where is his head at inviting you to stay and not having the very basic food supplies to offer tea and toast. His poor Daughter, that’s messed up.

Gloriia · 01/06/2026 17:41

I'm surprised at the sniffy attitude to takeaway. I'm not a junk food fan but so many places do healthy options now. Even restaurants often have a takeout option.

It isn't all burgers and chips nowadays.

BuckChuckets · 01/06/2026 17:39

LarksAscending · 01/06/2026 13:32

I’d message him back and say that it’s extremely strange to not have any food in stock so much so that she’s fiercely protective of her pizza because it’s likely she’s afraid she will otherwise have no access to food. Then I’d tell him I didn’t appreciate being lied to that he’d cook and then railroaded into a takeaway I didn’t want and then had to pay for and was then not afforded any breakfast. Then I’d say I don’t want to see him again thank you due to all of these factors and suggest that he asks his daughter if she’d prefer him to stock more food in the house.

All of this 👏🏼

Gloriia · 01/06/2026 17:38

LaurieFairyCake · 01/06/2026 17:30

Wait, you stayed to SHAG HIM ???

Surely she didn't shag him. I wonder if the trip to the coast went ahead despite only crumbs and tea <that she doesn't drink> in the house before departure.

Tink3rbell30 · 01/06/2026 17:38

LaurieFairyCake · 01/06/2026 17:30

Wait, you stayed to SHAG HIM ???

Yes how embarrassing 😳

Tink3rbell30 · 01/06/2026 17:37

Noodge · 01/06/2026 16:48

I am betting it is a yes!Anyone else?

I guess she had to get something out of this visit (assuming he's good in bed that is)!

I remember blokes like this when I was in my late teens/early 20s but that was bad enough! A bloke old enough to have a 12 year old daughter and his own place? No thank you.

She's ignoring it so definitely did 🤢

Gloriia · 01/06/2026 17:35

AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay · 01/06/2026 17:29

At her grandmothers

Poor kid. Staying at Granny's so df can have a woman staying over in his messy foodless house.

I hope school's safeguarding follows up.

loislois · 01/06/2026 17:35

FairKoala · 01/06/2026 16:24

The fact that he had empty cupboards and the only thing in the freezer was a pizza which he said his dd had made herself when it was an Asda one suggests he is too dysfunctional and of really low intelligence that he is incapable of looking after a child.

I would be messaging the girls mother with your concerns

Plus I would be dumping someone who didn’t know how to use a supermarket. And had invited you round for a meal and hadn’t given a moments thought on what you would eat and drink, not just for dinner but for breakfast the next day

Have you read the full thread.?Mom has serious MH issues and doesn't need any further triggers to push her over the edge

PaterPower · 01/06/2026 17:34

LaurieFairyCake · 01/06/2026 17:30

Wait, you stayed to SHAG HIM ???

Yeah. I was a bit 🤦‍♂️ at that too.

Bet the sheets were crusty!

Anarchy99 · 01/06/2026 17:33

Notsosweetcaroline · 01/06/2026 17:18

How on earth is it more efficient to shop as you go when you’ve a child in the house.

I didn’t say I had a child in the house. I was pointing out that shop as you go works for some people.

Herewegoagainandagainandagain · 01/06/2026 17:32

The only thing that appears unreasonable is you spent the night with the slob!

Anarchy99 · 01/06/2026 17:31

Bjorkdidit · 01/06/2026 17:05

How can it be 'more efficient' to have no food at all and have to buy everything if you want to eat at home. Even if you don't cook, wouldn't you have stuff for breakfast, hot drinks, half used bags of pasta, rice etc?

I always thought the likes of Hello Fresh was a bit gimmicky, but perhaps there is a market for people who want to pay over the odds to buy their chilli powder one teaspoon at a time.

It was never relevant. I sometimes had vinegar but that was it. I didn’t drink tea or coffee, I didn’t eat breakfast, and to this day I would sooner stick pins in my eyes than rice and pasta as it is horrible.

I would get more before a weekend but still not enough to have anything left over

hohummm1 · 01/06/2026 17:30

Surely if the daughter's overweight the house isn't always foodless? I'm presuming you've met her, OP?

Sorry to say, but I don't think a school is going to take a safeguarding referral of too much takeaway very seriously.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/06/2026 17:30

Wait, you stayed to SHAG HIM ???

AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay · 01/06/2026 17:29

Gloriia · 01/06/2026 17:22

Poor kid. A useless dad, no food, messy home, random women staying over. Was she there, had you actually met her before you stayed in her home? Where was she when the food squabble was going on and then the trip to the coast?

At her grandmothers

OP posts: