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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to tell my 18 year old to stop ranting at me?

86 replies

NoahsArkandtigers · 01/06/2026 12:59

I love my 18 year old daughter very much however she has acquired a habit of ranting at me and everyone else that is very difficult to accept. It’s unpleasant to listen to a person half yelling their views. She is very politically engaged and I actually agree with everything she says, I just hate the way she says it. I hate the monologues. I hate the way every interruption irritate her but if I didn’t interrupt she would speak without ever letting anyone else speak. I don’t know what to do. I’m at a loss. I think she is very unhappy with the state of the country and this is her release.

OP posts:
NoahsArkandtigers · 01/06/2026 17:09

itsgettingweird · 01/06/2026 16:21

My ds is 21 with ASD.

I feel your pain 🤣

I’ve taken to calmly responding with “are you seriously lecturing someone more than twice your age about things they already know about?”

followed by

“we can discuss your views on the subject if you want. But I don’t need teaching”

This is it exactly. I know so much more than her and I don’t need lecturing

OP posts:
NoahsArkandtigers · 01/06/2026 17:08

mscoach · 01/06/2026 16:21

ASD?

Nope. Definitely not ASD

OP posts:
NoahsArkandtigers · 01/06/2026 17:07

BunnyLake · 01/06/2026 16:37

Talking of soapboxes, do you live near London? If so take her to Hyde Park on a Sunday morning and put her on the soap box where she can rant talk to anyone who’ll listen.

I love this idea!! We live in London but I don’t think she’s ever been. I might bring her there and tell her she’s among her kind 😁😁

OP posts:
axolotlfloof · 01/06/2026 16:41

BunnyLake · 01/06/2026 16:37

Talking of soapboxes, do you live near London? If so take her to Hyde Park on a Sunday morning and put her on the soap box where she can rant talk to anyone who’ll listen.

Sadly Speakers Corner has been completely taken over by religious men. Both Islamists and Evangelical Christians.
An 18 y o girl wouldn't get a look in.

axolotlfloof · 01/06/2026 16:38

Oof.
She sounds exhausting and I can imagine no one else will listen to that.
I am sure she will grow out of it.
Do tell her to write it down or something

BunnyLake · 01/06/2026 16:37

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 01/06/2026 16:22

Nothing more irritating than an 18 year old on a political soapbox. Get her to uni and into a debating society to give you some peace!

Talking of soapboxes, do you live near London? If so take her to Hyde Park on a Sunday morning and put her on the soap box where she can rant talk to anyone who’ll listen.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 01/06/2026 16:22

Nothing more irritating than an 18 year old on a political soapbox. Get her to uni and into a debating society to give you some peace!

mscoach · 01/06/2026 16:21

ASD?

itsgettingweird · 01/06/2026 16:21

Sunnydaysarehereagain2026 · 01/06/2026 13:45

Dd 20 has ASD. Her manner of speaking sometimes is very accusing and frankly bloody awful. I remind her I her dm . And can she please change her tone..

My ds is 21 with ASD.

I feel your pain 🤣

I’ve taken to calmly responding with “are you seriously lecturing someone more than twice your age about things they already know about?”

followed by

“we can discuss your views on the subject if you want. But I don’t need teaching”

JustJadeLion · 01/06/2026 16:18

This sounds familiar! DD now 19/nearly 20 and has improved a lot. She has a level of ASD which definitely contributed to inflexibility of views and inability to 'read the room' and see others getting bored. It led to tears a year ago when DH got fed up on holiday of being ranted at and blamed for all the failings of men (most of which he really really has never exhibited) and called her out on it vociferously. I hope that maturity may well do the same thing for yours! Living away from home at uni and mixing with others more, plus working in hospitality and biting her tongue I think have all helped.

LarksAscending · 01/06/2026 16:09

NoahsArkandtigers · 01/06/2026 15:49

Yes she plans to become a politician…

Remind her that Hitler loved a good rant to force his opinions on his audience - and does she want to dictate or persuade?

Nicelynicelyjohnson · 01/06/2026 16:09

DontReplyAll · 01/06/2026 16:03

Long car journeys are good for this type of discussion.

Yeah, after watching the recent series of Amandaland, I've been a bit put off conversations in the car!

BruFord · 01/06/2026 16:08

LarksAscending · 01/06/2026 13:27

Sit her down when you’re not discussing politics and say that you just want to talk to her about how she presents when she’s trying to get a point across that’s important to her. That it’s important to orate and discuss things in an interesting and collaborative way or people will not listen to her.

You could also pay for her to see a pubic speaking and communication tutor if you wanted to.

@LarksAscending Yes, debating is an important skill especially if she wants to be involved in politics.

@NoahsArkandtigers That's how we've approached it with our children, that the ability to debate is crucial because no one will listen if you're ranting.

We don't accept ranting at home tbh and pull up anyone who starts. My DH can get passionate on issues too and my children have told him to calm down; we're not engaging until he does. 😂

It's fine to set this boundary @NoahsArkandtigers , it doesn't mean that you're not listening to her, you just want to discuss issues in a pleasant way.

HelenaWilson · 01/06/2026 16:07

She tells me she needs to rant at me.....

You could tell her you don't need to listen to her ranting, and walk away.

And tell her that no-one will listen if all she does is rant. She needs to learn how to engage in debate, and use evidence to support her points.

Is she a student? Is there a debating society she could join?

DontReplyAll · 01/06/2026 16:03

Nicelynicelyjohnson · 01/06/2026 16:00

DS16 has recently discovered that he now knows everything and he is always wanting to educate me on something or other.
He picks really bad times, I'm about to go out/to bed/eat some sneaky chocolate and gets annoyed with me when I try to cut him short.

The world is in a terrible state and teenagers know this, they just have different ideas on how to fix it.

We agreed after a recent big argument that we would set aside some regular time to discuss things that suits both of us. That hasn't happened yet but I imagine we'll have to do it soon.

I keep whispering to DH - don't mention cake/carpets/butterflies/whatever or you'll start him off. It's tiring.

Long car journeys are good for this type of discussion.

DontReplyAll · 01/06/2026 16:02

NoahsArkandtigers · 01/06/2026 15:49

Yes she plans to become a politician…

In which case she will need to learn to be persuasive (which ranting is not)

She will also need to be able to listen to the other side of any argument.

As an exercise get her to research and speak on the opposite side of a political topic she feels strongly about. It will be really good for her.

If she is off to uni next year get her to look up the uni debating society rules and procedures- ranting won’t cut it.

Nicelynicelyjohnson · 01/06/2026 16:00

DS16 has recently discovered that he now knows everything and he is always wanting to educate me on something or other.
He picks really bad times, I'm about to go out/to bed/eat some sneaky chocolate and gets annoyed with me when I try to cut him short.

The world is in a terrible state and teenagers know this, they just have different ideas on how to fix it.

We agreed after a recent big argument that we would set aside some regular time to discuss things that suits both of us. That hasn't happened yet but I imagine we'll have to do it soon.

I keep whispering to DH - don't mention cake/carpets/butterflies/whatever or you'll start him off. It's tiring.

allthingsinmoderation · 01/06/2026 15:56

She obviously feels passionately about politics,if she is interested in a political career,
It might be helpful to talk to her about delivery styles,listening skills and communicating rather than ranting monologues ...

NotTonightDeidre · 01/06/2026 15:52

Would you like to introduce her to my 18 year old DS? They could rant at each other & maybe come to the conclusion that it doesn't work?!

NoahsArkandtigers · 01/06/2026 15:52

I know what omnicause is but I don’t know what omniclause is

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NoahsArkandtigers · 01/06/2026 15:50

StartingToday010626 · 01/06/2026 14:20

I would tell her I don’t need educating, I can and do read the news so know everything she’s telling me already.

If she feels strongly on a subject, suggest she thinks of ways she can help improve the situation rather than wasting time ranting about it.

Yes I think I’ll try this as well as the other suggestions here. Surely one of them will work.

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NoahsArkandtigers · 01/06/2026 15:49

Flamingojune · 01/06/2026 14:31

Could you praise her passion and suggest ways for her to channel that energy, become a local councillor, volunteer, write etc

Yes she plans to become a politician…

OP posts:
NoahsArkandtigers · 01/06/2026 15:49

StartingToday010626 · 01/06/2026 14:20

I would tell her I don’t need educating, I can and do read the news so know everything she’s telling me already.

If she feels strongly on a subject, suggest she thinks of ways she can help improve the situation rather than wasting time ranting about it.

She tells me she needs to rant at me as she is going mad keeping it all in elsewhere

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Rowley456 · 01/06/2026 15:42

RubberDinghyRapidsBro · 01/06/2026 13:21

My two eldest will tag team over dinner on whatever omniclause argument they've just heard about on TikTok. It's beyond tedious.

I just had to look up 'omniclause'. You learn something everyday. Thank you!

Flamingojune · 01/06/2026 14:31

Could you praise her passion and suggest ways for her to channel that energy, become a local councillor, volunteer, write etc

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