Did I overreact?

Ethellee · 2026-06-01T11:28:56+00:00

Last weekend was 100th birthday party for my great-aunt and I was supposed to be going with DP, DS5, DSD13, and DSs10 and 11. On the ninety minute drive, SDC were whining, shouting and fighting so much I had to stop the car and tell them off twice. DP was occasionally shouting at them but also listening to a podcast. On the third occasion I stopped the car (because blood had been drawn), I turned around and drove them all home. DS and I had a really good time. We got home last night and DP is accusing me of overreacting. AIBU?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 02/06/2026 01:43

I took my own kids home from something recently. We were in the midst of a game at a busy place, kids wouldn't listen/behave, I took the equipment away, returned it and two crying and protesting children followed me. It has to be done sometimes.

Sunnydaysarehereagain2026 · 01/06/2026 18:23

Rather a waste of fuel than the threads of my mh...

Stoicandhappy · 01/06/2026 17:55

I think more step mothers should do this sort of thing. I am often shocked by the shitty behaviour some women tolerate from DPs and DSC.

Passaggressfedup · 01/06/2026 17:21

Sorry OP, misunderstood. Well done indeed!

Firefly100 · 01/06/2026 16:13

Well done OP!

Original poster

Ethellee · 01/06/2026 15:21

Passaggressfedup · 01/06/2026 15:13

I'm confused. When you said you drop them home, which home, if you were away?

I dropped them back to mine and DP’s house, with DP. DS and I then drove - again - to my hometown and stayed there for the weekend to attend the party as planned.

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Original poster

Ethellee · 01/06/2026 15:20

Flamingojune · 01/06/2026 15:01

So he broke up (or she) with the mother of three of his kids when they were really young? Theyre still affected

Yes, she did, then moved away. He was seeing them every weekend to start with but this has moved to every other weekend. They went to court about it but it was decided that it was fine for her to move to be closer to her family.

I agree they’re still affected and it’s sad for them, but that doesn’t make their behaviour any more fun to be around.

The hardest part of stepparenting is that they’re not your kids and you have no real say over how they’re raised.

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Passaggressfedup · 01/06/2026 15:13

I'm confused. When you said you drop them home, which home, if you were away?

Flamingojune · 01/06/2026 15:01

So he broke up (or she) with the mother of three of his kids when they were really young? Theyre still affected

Original poster

Ethellee · 01/06/2026 14:57

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 01/06/2026 14:39

What did your aunt say about them not being there?

She didn’t notice. It was a big party and she’s only met them a couple of times.

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Original poster

Ethellee · 01/06/2026 14:54

Sunnydaysarehereagain2026 · 01/06/2026 14:25

If you have a car each you take ds and he takes his.. Meet at venue...
He can manage their behaviour alone.

I think that’s a waste of a half a tank of petrol, and, if they arrived having spent an hour tearing chunks out of each other, they’d probably be badly behaved at the venue too.

If they can’t behave and DP can’t/won’t make them I’d rather just not be around them.

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GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 01/06/2026 14:39

What did your aunt say about them not being there?

Sunnydaysarehereagain2026 · 01/06/2026 14:25

If you have a car each you take ds and he takes his.. Meet at venue...
He can manage their behaviour alone.

Original poster

Ethellee · 01/06/2026 14:22

NameChangeScot · 01/06/2026 13:12

Yanbu, it also shows your own D's that you won't tolerate poor behaviour.

Long term you need to resolve this though or it'll cost your relationship.

I don’t think it’s up to me, a stepparent who sees them two days a fortnight, to manage, plan or implement good discipline. If their own parents won’t, then I will continue to limit the time I spend with them.

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NameChangeScot · 01/06/2026 13:12

Yanbu, it also shows your own D's that you won't tolerate poor behaviour.

Long term you need to resolve this though or it'll cost your relationship.

Original poster

Ethellee · 01/06/2026 13:08

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/06/2026 13:02

Is your son his child?

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Yes and when DSC aren’t around he’s a good dad and partner. When DSC are here it’s exhausting trying to keep them entertained, separated and not at each other’s throats.

I have considered moving out but I do love DP, and it'd mean DS has to go between houses too, and DP would probably want them all at the same time so they could keep a relationship. He’d also probably want 50/50 and maybe selfishly I don’t want to lose half my time with DS.

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ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/06/2026 13:02

Ethellee · 01/06/2026 13:01

It’s not making me very enamoured with him either!

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Is your son his child?

Original poster

Ethellee · 01/06/2026 13:01

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/06/2026 12:55

Maybe he should try having his kids more rather than being a very part time parent and then using it as an excuse to not actually parent them. I couldn’t be with someone like that.

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It’s not making me very enamoured with him either!

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ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/06/2026 12:55

Ethellee · 01/06/2026 12:52

Their behaviour has got a lot worse over the years, apparently it’s much worse at their mum’s and at school and they’re only with us every other weekend and for some of the school holidays. DP does some discipline but he says he doesn’t want to spend his limited time with them telling them off. The only way to ensure peace is to fully separate the boys.

Individally they’re nice DSC, but together they’re not. My opinion is that they’re crying out for individual adult attention, but the way they act is making me want to spend as little time with them all possible.

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Maybe he should try having his kids more rather than being a very part time parent and then using it as an excuse to not actually parent them. I couldn’t be with someone like that.

Original poster

Ethellee · 01/06/2026 12:52

Sparkletastic · 01/06/2026 12:42

Absolutely the right call. Is DP always this crap at parenting?

Their behaviour has got a lot worse over the years, apparently it’s much worse at their mum’s and at school and they’re only with us every other weekend and for some of the school holidays. DP does some discipline but he says he doesn’t want to spend his limited time with them telling them off. The only way to ensure peace is to fully separate the boys.

Individally they’re nice DSC, but together they’re not. My opinion is that they’re crying out for individual adult attention, but the way they act is making me want to spend as little time with them all possible.

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ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/06/2026 12:51

LeaderBee · 01/06/2026 12:49

90 minute drive, no idea how long you'd gotten into the journey before turning around but if its a few minutes, fine, if you'd already been going half an hour or so and then turning back, like... what's the point, just to turn back around and get the others there?

Also... Step children don't seem to be old enough to be left alone so presumably had someone at home who could supervise them?

dad should have had some input instead of leaving it to the driver but quite honestly sounds like you'd reached a limit and overreacted.

She left the dad with them, who couldn’t be arsed parenting them in the car

LeaderBee · 01/06/2026 12:49

90 minute drive, no idea how long you'd gotten into the journey before turning around but if its a few minutes, fine, if you'd already been going half an hour or so and then turning back, like... what's the point, just to turn back around and get the others there?

Also... Step children don't seem to be old enough to be left alone so presumably had someone at home who could supervise them?

dad should have had some input instead of leaving it to the driver but quite honestly sounds like you'd reached a limit and overreacted.

SJM1988 · 01/06/2026 12:45

100% right call. I'd do the same with my own children if the start and have been known to turn the car around before. I think only once have I actually gone home and stopped going to whereever it was. Usually the turn round was enough for me DC to know I was being serious.

YoBetty · 01/06/2026 12:44

No you didn't overreact. What they were doing was dangerously distracting for the driver. No way would I tolerate anything like that if I was driving.

There have been two occasions when I have stopped the car like you did. One was when I was taking dc, their friend, their friend's brother & mum out for the day. I pulled off the motorway, found a small side street and pulled over. Told them we were not going to X place if that continued, and either they stop it or we go home. They stopped.

The other was driving home after an evening out with friends, and they were being raucous. My friend's DH in the front passenger seat was by far the worst. I slammed the brakes on and demanded that he got out and effing well walked home. He was gobsmacked, but did as he was told.😂

Sparkletastic · 01/06/2026 12:42

Absolutely the right call. Is DP always this crap at parenting?