I moved in with my partner a few years ago and relocated to his city. I don’t have any friends here, but I regularly keep in touch with my friends from where I used to live - probably see them 3 times a month. I’m quite happy with this, and don’t feel necessarily lonely or anything. I don’t regret moving here.
We’re mid 30s.
My partner has a group of friends who all have partners. We usually meet about once a month for a meal or something. One of his friends partners, I’ll call her Natalie, has really started to initiate a friendship but I’m a bit overwhelmed with her.
Natalie has a tendency to drink quite a bit, which is fine, but I don’t drink. When she gets drunk on these group meals, she will dominate my time (I don’t know how to write that nicely). We will all be talking as a group and she just zones in on me, sometimes physically placing herself in between me and my partner. She talks repetitively about herself - how she is judged for her good looks (?) or how she’s succeeding a lot at work.
She will be nasty about her partner (when he’s there) and his mother, and try and get me involved. For example, she said a few months ago “me and you are educated and we worked hard, so we deserve successful partners… and yet we’re lumped with THESE”. It was so awkward, my partner is successful in different ways to me, and we’re a great match. I said I loved my partner and he’s better at XYZ than me, trying to diffuse the situation, but she persisted. This was in our house and her partner had to get her to leave. She kept saying “why didn’t you both try harder at school?” Absolutely cringe.
Another time, again when she’d been drinking, she said that her partners mother is a “bitch” and expects them to spend too much time with her. She lives 5 mins away and expects to see her son (Natalie’s partner) a few days a week for about 15 mins. She’s a widow. Natalie has said that they want to move away but his mother would be “lonely”. This is said in front of partner again and it’s just awkward.
Another time, Natalie announced to her partner and mine that we had planned to “get pregnant together so we can spend maternity together”. I flat out said I didn’t know anything about this, but she persisted saying it would be good to have kids together as they could be friends, we could spend lots of time together… just bizarre. My partner said we’d have kids when we wanted them, and we won’t let them know… we have actually been ttc so this was quite painful.
She says things like we can get Botox together, lip fillers etc… says I need an eyelid lift??
She also says things like “your partner is SO lucky to have you, you can do better”
(No I can’t “do better” - I’m in a relationship that’s happy and with someone I deeply love)
She constantly asks me if I’m lonely, that we could do XYZ together, but I just honestly don’t want to. I don’t want to be her friend. She texts me constantly asking if I/we want to do something, or she’ll send me a class and ask me to sign up. At first I politely declined but now I just ignore them. When I do ignore them, she sends me messages like “don’t ignore me!!! 😂”
I feel suffocated. I can’t not see her because of the group set up, but I really don’t want to spend any time with her. Aibu to keep ignoring or do I need to say anything? Aibu to think this is weird behaviour???