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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to want my estate divided equally between all four children?

272 replies

Imdefonotmaddona · 01/06/2026 06:32

I have 4 children
DD 1 and DD2 are mine and my late husbands.
DS2 - was biologically husbands and not mine but he is with me full time.
DD3 is mine with my current DP so the only one who hasn’t got the same dad.

on the passing off my husband everything came to me. I have always been financially independent and the house was paid for by both of us.
he had some money and a life insurance policy.

I am updating my paperwork and that Includes My will to include DD3.

I was discussing this with my best friend and she mentioned that I should seperate and not give equal amounts because some of what they will inherit would be technically my late husbands so should take than in to account for DD3.

I was thinking that It’s now my assets / money and that I should share it equally amongst the 4 children.

what would you do ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Imdefonotmaddona · 01/06/2026 06:44

Happytaytos · 01/06/2026 06:43

Does your DP know he's getting nothing?

His perfectly okay without my money. Due to my children we have our seperate finances which works for us.
he knows my money will go to the children including his.

OP posts:
Happytaytos · 01/06/2026 06:43

Does your DP know he's getting nothing?

Chlorpool · 01/06/2026 06:42

Imdefonotmaddona · 01/06/2026 06:39

I suppose the difference is between ds and DD3 is that I have the choice and I choice to become his parent.

He could still technically inherit money from his maternal family just as dd3 will inherit from her df.

Original poster
Imdefonotmaddona · 01/06/2026 06:42

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 01/06/2026 06:39

It’s your money to do with as you wish of course. But. And it’s a bigish but, if your youngest child will also inherit from your DP and the older ones won’t then it maybe does seem a bit unfair (depending on his circumstances). Also don’t mean you won’t be leaving anything to your DP?

No I won’t be leaving anything to DP. Is that mean. I mean there is a difference in whether the children are still children on adults ( hopefully adults ) when I die.
but long term no I wouldn’t be leaving anything to DP but we have different finances due to my children which works for us so I don’t see it being an issue.

OP posts:
Mum2Fergus · 01/06/2026 06:41

Entirely your decision.

CatherinedeBourgh · 01/06/2026 06:41

It depends on how wealthy your dp is, and whether he will be leaving any to your other dc.

If he is very wealthy and your dd3 will end up with much more than the others, then it would only be fair that the assets which came from their father be earmarked for them rather than her. Otherwise it's unfair, as she is receiving wealth from their father but they are not receiving wealth from hers.

SnappyQuoter · 01/06/2026 06:41

Imdefonotmaddona · 01/06/2026 06:38

I mean all his 3 kids ( 2 being mine ) will all inherit for me. Thats why I split 4 ways not 3.

Show quote history

All his kids will inherit… but a lesser share because you’re also leaving it to a new child.

You half of the house should be split between your 4 children.

His half of the house should be split between his 3 children. Not your new child.

The cash is more difficult, as you’ve probably spent his life insurance and cash he left you. But his money shouldn’t be going to your new child.

andnowwhatdowedo · 01/06/2026 06:40

Yes share equally. If DH was keen to leave all his assets to his biological children , he should have put this in his will.

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 01/06/2026 06:39

It’s your money to do with as you wish of course. But. And it’s a bigish but, if your youngest child will also inherit from your DP and the older ones won’t then it maybe does seem a bit unfair (depending on his circumstances). Also don’t mean you won’t be leaving anything to your DP?

Original poster
Imdefonotmaddona · 01/06/2026 06:39

I suppose the difference is between ds and DD3 is that I have the choice and I choice to become his parent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imdefonotmaddona · 01/06/2026 06:38

SnappyQuoter · 01/06/2026 06:37

When your husband created a second family, he should have ensured that his assets where split between his 3 children, so that they couldn’t be redirected in the future or children who weren’t his.

His children should inherit from him. Your child should not.

I have kids. I have a new partner. We are not marrying to ensure that my assets go to my kids, not to a new husband who can then leave it to someone other than my kids.

Go and read all the threads on mumsnet from
stepchildren who lost their biological parent and then had to watch the assets from that parent be left to new children of their step-parent with no link to them or the parent who provided the assets.

I mean all his 3 kids ( 2 being mine ) will all inherit for me. Thats why I split 4 ways not 3.

OP posts:
Chlorpool · 01/06/2026 06:38

Ipsevenenabibas · 01/06/2026 06:35

Agree with your friend. But ultimately it technically is your money now so yours to do as you wish.

In that case ds2 should not be getting any of op’s assets that are nothing to do with late dh.
Immediately things get complicated.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 01/06/2026 06:38

Yanbu, but I guess my only question is whether dd3 and ds2 are likely to inherit from their other parents as well?

DS2 sounds like he won't, but what about DD3 - will she get an inheritance from her dad as well?

SnappyQuoter · 01/06/2026 06:37

When your husband created a second family, he should have ensured that his assets where split between his 3 children, so that they couldn’t be redirected in the future or children who weren’t his.

His children should inherit from him. Your child should not.

I have kids. I have a new partner. We are not marrying to ensure that my assets go to my kids, not to a new husband who can then leave it to someone other than my kids.

Go and read all the threads on mumsnet from
stepchildren who lost their biological parent and then had to watch the assets from that parent be left to new children of their step-parent with no link to them or the parent who provided the assets.

AnonymityAnonymity · 01/06/2026 06:37

You should do what you think is right and proper. And to me by dividing it equally amongst all 4 is what you would be doing.

I"'m failing to see what this has to do with your friend. Or why you should do what she thinks when it is very much nothing to do with her.

Original poster
Imdefonotmaddona · 01/06/2026 06:37

Mumdiva99 · 01/06/2026 06:35

I think you should stop discussing personal business with friends. It's none of her business.
It's your money - do what feels right. (Unless there is some massive back story that late husband came from huge wealth and left you millions etc etc)

not millions !
to be fair I do discuss things with her because shen I was left trying to get my life back together she became my other adult. I don’t think she was saying it a mean way at all. Just said her thoughts out loud.

OP posts:
Canoodler · 01/06/2026 06:37

Anything other than equal shares would be odd and cause a lot of hurt.

Happytaytos · 01/06/2026 06:37

Will. DD3 inherit from her dad separately? If so it's worth considering a different split.

However I can see from your POV a 4 way split is equal to your children.

Ipsevenenabibas · 01/06/2026 06:35

Agree with your friend. But ultimately it technically is your money now so yours to do as you wish.

Mumdiva99 · 01/06/2026 06:35

I think you should stop discussing personal business with friends. It's none of her business.
It's your money - do what feels right. (Unless there is some massive back story that late husband came from huge wealth and left you millions etc etc)

Chlorpool · 01/06/2026 06:35

I would share the money equally.
When your dh died all the assets became yours, your dc will be inheriting from you.
Keep it simple.

PauliesWalnuts · 01/06/2026 06:34

Your assets, your money. Equally is the fairest split.

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