AIBU to want time alone when visiting my dad's ashes?

That would be his choice. It is not your responsibility. You are not responsible for his decisions, although you clearly feel that you are.

You can't change what happened, and I hope you make it back to London to visit your dad's resting place soon. If you don't want to see or speak to your "friend" again, don't - and don't be manipulated into it either. He needs more support than you can give, and you know that now.

You're martyring yourself over this man for absolutely no reason.

How well do you actually know him? Why are you giving him your time? Why did his "no don't leave me" result in you not just walking out of the pub to have your time with your dad?

"Nobody is looking after me" so take steps to look after yourself. You have to stand up for yourself. If you don't want to spend time with someone, don't.

It wasn't the time. You knew your friend's needs prior to visiting.

That's not your responsibility though.

Why are you calling his social worker and accommodation?? Why?

Stop being involved if you don't want to!

I think you're doing the right thing cutting the friendship. Neither of yo u are what the other needs and that's ok. You matter just as much as him, and you should matter more to yourself than him.

Sorry op I missed your last posr

Yanbu but it doesn't sound like your mate was bring horrible or intrusive, just not well x

His behaviour isn't your fault. Nobody's saying that.

What you do have to take some responsibility for is the fact that you assumed a severely unwell and psychotic man would be an unproblematic travel companion. Expecting normal behaviour from someone as unwell as that is a bit like going away for a weekend with a man with a broken leg and then being shocked that he couldn't walk very far.

Is this the same friend who spent three years in a mental hospital with psychiatric issues caused by a class A drug addiction, and who trashed the room you were sharing in a Travelodge and wiped shit on the bathroom walls?

I'm honestly not sure why you'd expect someone with a long history of severe drug addiction and three full years on a psychiatric ward to behave like he's a totally normal person. He isn't a 'normal' person. He may not be in hospital any more but he's still clearly unwell and he is, obviously, going to behave like an unwell person who struggles to function in the same way someone else would.

Of course it's not unreasonable to want time alone with your dad's ashes, but it's astonishingly naive of you to assume that someone whose mental illness was severe enough to warrant him being institutionalised for three years would be an easy companion on a weekend trip to London. Your friend can't cope with any of this stuff and I don't think that's particularly surprising. You need to chalk this up to experience and don't take him on trips with you again.

Oh god this is you with the man who shat up the wall.

Just stop being his friend! Don't make it more difficult for yourself. Don't get why you are still hanging around with him after that.

I don't think his behaviour is your fault op but I don't think you should have said yes to him coming with you, from what you've said about.his living situation it would be clear to me that I would be his support on this trip.

I haven't read every word of every post but I don't think most posters are saying you are at fault. I certainly am not saying that.

Having him "Leave you the fuck alone" would definitely be the best outcome for you but it seems that is only going to happen if you make it happen. Doing that might feel uncomfortable at first but in time, and probably a very short time, you will feel a whole lot better for having stopped your association with him.

I say association because it isn't really a genuine reciprocal friendship, is it? You seem to feel some obligation towards him and you really shouldn't. Partly because he doesn't return your feelings and feels no need to be supportive or considerate towards you. But also, I think, he needs support you don't have the capacity to provide. Not because you are autistic, not because you are a poor friend but because you aren't trained to provide the professional support he needs. It is a shame that he isn't getting sufficient professional support but you can't fill that gap and trying to is pointless but more importantly detrimental to your own wellbeing.

Take a deep breath, bite the bullet and do what you need to do to get out of this situation. It might not be easy at first but it will be healthy. A bit like bracing yourself to go to the dentist to get a rotten tooth pulled. I know how cliched all of that is but I believe the thinking behind it is sound.

Yes, that’s fair. His behaviour is obviously his own responsibility to manage. But the fact that it wrecked the OP’s weekend is because of her actions.

Dealing with her own people-pleasing will mean it, or nothing like it, ever happens again.

It’s not her fault, but she is the only whose behaviour she can change.
That’s different. I think it’s important to say that in a way OP can hears, rather than feeling blamed for it.

His behaviour is his fault. She can protect herself in future.

But it is literally true. The OP says explicitly on her other thread that she didn’t want him to come and would have much preferred to have her weekend alone in London. This entire disastrous weekend happened because she is, as she says herself ‘a people-pleaser who hates confrontation’, and who didn’t say no to a man not long out of a lengthy stay in a psychiatric unit who wanted to piggyback on her trip. We can’t ever control other people’s actions, whether or not they’re significantly mentally unwell and not taking their meds, or perfectly well and just behaving in ways we don’t like and that impact negatively on us. We can, however, always control our own. The OP is lashing out at her ‘friend’ and his support worker because she can’t admit that it’s her own people-pleasing that has brought this on her.

None of that is your fault but it is your responsibility to end this friendship, or carry on suffering the consequences of his company.

A couple of PPs have effectively said it’s her fault because she didn’t say no.

Who is blaming you and why are you not just pushing back and saying no not my issue??