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Original poster

I think I’ve finally broken, so sad and so alone

141 replies

Sosaddj · 31/05/2026 20:48

I feel like this weekend has finally broken me.

All my life the main thing I wanted was to have a family and a husband. I loved progressing my career and did well in it. Along the way I had relationships but nothing worked out for one reason or another. Sometimes it was me, other times it was just a shocker of a man that seemed nice at first.

I have a lovely amazing 5 year old and I’m a single parent and my 40th is next year.

Ex left me when Dd was 2. He sees her now and then. We weren’t married and thanks to my previous career we’ve been ok financially. I don’t know how I managed to carry on when he left but I did and things have settled now.

I feel so unbearably sad. Weekends spent alone while I see so many families around. Even seeing my siblings I am a second option, they leave when they need to (which I get) but it just highlights that it’s just me… I have nobody to rely on, nobody to take care of me.

For a long time I felt strong about this. I felt lucky I no longer needed to deal with a man’s crap again. I really enjoyed evenings to myself and making all the decisions.

I don’t feel like that anymore. I feel totally alone. My re mortgage is coming up again and that’s all on me. If I forgot something in the weekly shop nobody is nipping out to get it in the evening. I can’t collect a pizza as I can’t leave DD. I worry about money even though i have enough as I’m on my own. I don’t want to go on the big family holiday this year as they’re all sharing a place and it costs me proportionately more for one adult to travel rather than two.

I am just so sad. I am not perfect (far from it) but I don’t think I’m much different to the next person and yet most people have found someone by now. I’m exhausted and even if I was to meet someone I know I probably wouldn’t be their first choice to spend time with as I’m so stressed essentially being a lone parent most of the time.

I don’t know why I’m posting. I just suddenly cracked this weekend and it’s like I’ve realised I still do have this wound and craving to spend my life with someone.

OP posts:
Loulou4022 · 31/05/2026 21:09

Tomorrow’s a new day, have your day of sadness today and kick it out tomorrow. Easy for us to say but you do sound like you have a good life and you need to focus on those positives or the negatives will drag you under. Sending gentle hugs

yjo25 · 31/05/2026 21:07

I didn’t want to read and run. But just to let you know you are not alone! I’m 41 and very similar in circumstances ……. although I have 3 children.

Sometimes although we are well aware there a people out there that have it far worse than us …….. you can’t help but mourn the life you envisaged yourself having xx

Original poster
Sosaddj · 31/05/2026 21:07

houseofvelvet · 31/05/2026 21:03

I agree with this. I am so sorry you feel so upset about this and its ok to feel like this sometimes.

However, I think you are excessively dwelling on what you dont have and it's understandably making you feel miserable on a daily basis. Yes, you are right, it seems completely unfair that you dont have a partner so what are you going to do about it?

Make a plan, take control, and look at ways you could meet potential love interests. Hold it lightly - thats so important. If you start viewing every man you meet as the potential "the one" then it will become heavy and intense and off-putting. Life can change so dramatically fast - in both negative and positive directions but if you keep feeding this feeling that you'll be alone forever then life will pass you by and you wont enjoy the fun times that are available to you.

Your life is far from over yet. Dont close the door on yourself.

Show quote history

@houseofvelvet thanks for replying. I feel like at 40 with a 5 year old isn’t the most attractive prospect for anyone. I know I need to
let it go and for the last few years I have, it’s just hit me for someone reason today and taken me by surprise that I am so sad about it.

OP posts:
Summerhillsquare · 31/05/2026 21:07

Sorry to be blunt, but go over to the relationships board, and you'll see what you're really missing out on.
Prince Charming doesn't exist.

Canoodler · 31/05/2026 21:05

39 is very young. You will fall in love again for sure.

fantam · 31/05/2026 21:05

It's an old cliche, but you can be even worse off and often lonelier in a relationship. I know it seems that having a partner is the answer to all your sadness and loneliness, but it doesn't always work out that way. He could turn out to be a controlling sod, a lazy sod, a waster that you only find out about after the love bombing of the first few months.

Of course you could meet the love of your life. It happens when we least expect it, so work on doing things that involve both sexes and are sociable without being hook up activities IYSWIM. Walking groups are good for that. Joining a mixed choir is another. Don't forget that other people join these groups because they want to meet people aswell, so never feel awkward about joining up. Meet up groups are varied and prolific too, pick an activity and go for it. You never know what's around the corner. But I think you have to get out there - if that's what you want.

As for counting your blessings, yes do that too, but that is not scratching your itch at the moment is it? Over to you.....

ClaredeBear · 31/05/2026 21:05

I’m so sorry you feel like this. Many lone parents have similar feelings of loneliness, even though they adore their children. It does get better and in the meantime I wonder if you make the most of any childcare available to you. Do your siblings offer to babysit and are your parents still around?

Canoodler · 31/05/2026 21:04

I think you should go on the big family holiday even if it costs you more. Don't miss out on fun for you and DD!
I am divorced and understand the higher cost of holidays. But there are savings too ... men are expensive creatures because they buy all sorts and eat and drink so much!

houseofvelvet · 31/05/2026 21:03

Ace56 · 31/05/2026 20:58

Gently, you need to count your blessings. You wanted a child and you have one, you’re financially secure and are close with your family (close enough to go on holiday with them). Lots of people have none of these things and really are alone.

Your life isn’t over yet, there’s always time to meet someone new.

I agree with this. I am so sorry you feel so upset about this and its ok to feel like this sometimes.

However, I think you are excessively dwelling on what you dont have and it's understandably making you feel miserable on a daily basis. Yes, you are right, it seems completely unfair that you dont have a partner so what are you going to do about it?

Make a plan, take control, and look at ways you could meet potential love interests. Hold it lightly - thats so important. If you start viewing every man you meet as the potential "the one" then it will become heavy and intense and off-putting. Life can change so dramatically fast - in both negative and positive directions but if you keep feeding this feeling that you'll be alone forever then life will pass you by and you wont enjoy the fun times that are available to you.

Your life is far from over yet. Dont close the door on yourself.

MrsShawnHatosy · 31/05/2026 21:02

Sometimes we just don’t get everything we want. I have the husband and I am so grateful, we weren’t able to have children.

Original poster
Sosaddj · 31/05/2026 20:59

Ace56 · 31/05/2026 20:58

Gently, you need to count your blessings. You wanted a child and you have one, you’re financially secure and are close with your family (close enough to go on holiday with them). Lots of people have none of these things and really are alone.

Your life isn’t over yet, there’s always time to meet someone new.

@Ace56 thanks. I don’t know why I’m so sad. I have been tearful all night. It’s really unlike me but today was odd. Just felt like the odd one out again. I’m usually robust about it but it hurt today

OP posts:
Ace56 · 31/05/2026 20:58

Gently, you need to count your blessings. You wanted a child and you have one, you’re financially secure and are close with your family (close enough to go on holiday with them). Lots of people have none of these things and really are alone.

Your life isn’t over yet, there’s always time to meet someone new.

Original poster
Sosaddj · 31/05/2026 20:57

travailtotravel · 31/05/2026 20:55

Honestly its normal to feel like this sometimes. Do you have a social life out of the home at all? Doing something for you and meeting other people will help. I'm not going to say jump into dating but that's an option if you feel ready.

@travailtotravel i have some lovely friends and I see a friend fortnightly on average. Also see family and siblings once a week or so. And then I work so see colleagues and sometimes go out for lunch. I’m just sad that I don’t have someone to rely on. I had to put a friend down for an emergency contact at work. It just feels horrible

OP posts:
Original poster
Sosaddj · 31/05/2026 20:55

mumofoneAloneandwell · 31/05/2026 20:52

Oh 🥺

Well - youre approaching 40 and youve had your baby

It can be a negative, but it can also be a positive! Theres no rush to have a kid with a shite man! You can find the man you really want!

Can you spend the next year getting ready to fall in love? Your life can be:
Your dd
Yourself
Your career (if thats important)
Your love life?

All isnt lost - youve got time ❤️

@mumofoneAloneandwell thanks for replying. I don’t know why I am so upset tonight. I think part of it is that none of this was how I had envisaged it. I so wanted a marriage and someone to come home to every night. I was so ready to dedicate myself to family life and I had worked so hard in my career to be able to contribute financially too. I know none of these things mean you magically get what you want but I feel I did my best and still ended up alone. I often think I probably wanted it too much and was too picky.

I can’t imagine anymore what it’s like to get in a car with someone else after a play date and decide who will be driving home. I know that sounds so ridiculous and small but it’s these tiny things that hurt me most, the small day to day moments of loneliness

OP posts:
travailtotravel · 31/05/2026 20:55

Honestly its normal to feel like this sometimes. Do you have a social life out of the home at all? Doing something for you and meeting other people will help. I'm not going to say jump into dating but that's an option if you feel ready.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 31/05/2026 20:52

Oh 🥺

Well - youre approaching 40 and youve had your baby

It can be a negative, but it can also be a positive! Theres no rush to have a kid with a shite man! You can find the man you really want!

Can you spend the next year getting ready to fall in love? Your life can be:
Your dd
Yourself
Your career (if thats important)
Your love life?

All isnt lost - youve got time ❤️