I think I’ve finally broken, so sad and so alone

ThisOliveKoala · 15/07/2026 09:31

WasRightYetSoWrong · 31/05/2026 23:27

Yes, from your writing, I would find you difficult to partner.

However, if you wind your neck in and just appreciate life and don’t be naive then you’ll find your one.

Wishing you all the best.

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I agree with everything you’ve written, there are a lot of single men and a lot of single women. Women do need to lower their standards as time goes on. I think it’s just a fact that your standards at 25 should be different at 40, 50 etc.

it’s supply and demand and I know some women hate to face the reality but it’s just life. No one is saying settle for an awful man, but there are some nice simple guys out there.

May not be the tallest, may not have the best car etc but they are honest and kind. I think women should have standards where the most important attributes are an honest and kind man, everything else can be worked on.

DallazMajor · 15/07/2026 06:16

Sosaddj · 31/05/2026 20:48

I feel like this weekend has finally broken me.

All my life the main thing I wanted was to have a family and a husband. I loved progressing my career and did well in it. Along the way I had relationships but nothing worked out for one reason or another. Sometimes it was me, other times it was just a shocker of a man that seemed nice at first.

I have a lovely amazing 5 year old and I’m a single parent and my 40th is next year.

Ex left me when Dd was 2. He sees her now and then. We weren’t married and thanks to my previous career we’ve been ok financially. I don’t know how I managed to carry on when he left but I did and things have settled now.

I feel so unbearably sad. Weekends spent alone while I see so many families around. Even seeing my siblings I am a second option, they leave when they need to (which I get) but it just highlights that it’s just me… I have nobody to rely on, nobody to take care of me.

For a long time I felt strong about this. I felt lucky I no longer needed to deal with a man’s crap again. I really enjoyed evenings to myself and making all the decisions.

I don’t feel like that anymore. I feel totally alone. My re mortgage is coming up again and that’s all on me. If I forgot something in the weekly shop nobody is nipping out to get it in the evening. I can’t collect a pizza as I can’t leave DD. I worry about money even though i have enough as I’m on my own. I don’t want to go on the big family holiday this year as they’re all sharing a place and it costs me proportionately more for one adult to travel rather than two.

I am just so sad. I am not perfect (far from it) but I don’t think I’m much different to the next person and yet most people have found someone by now. I’m exhausted and even if I was to meet someone I know I probably wouldn’t be their first choice to spend time with as I’m so stressed essentially being a lone parent most of the time.

I don’t know why I’m posting. I just suddenly cracked this weekend and it’s like I’ve realised I still do have this wound and craving to spend my life with someone.

Emotional loneliness is hard. I feel your pain.

I’ve given up on ever finding “true love”. I’ve had a miserable time in relationships to the point that I am beginning to think that any available man over the age of 45 is a complete nob.

Anyway yes. I feel your pain OP. Do you want to move in with me ? lol

Sending a hug 🥰

TartanTwit · 15/07/2026 06:11

Hugs OP x I've been exactly where you are and it is crap. You're doing a great job, just keep going and it will improve.

shuggles · 03/06/2026 21:02

BinNightTonight · 01/06/2026 08:13

Thank you. I am one of the lucky ones as I do have family nearby (although my mum was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer and obviously wouldn't be able to have my child long term) Its a constant worry!

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Sorry about your mum. I hope she is getting the support she needs.

Cosmo8329 · 02/06/2026 15:48

I saw a good analogy the other day

Some trees loose all their leaves in winter
The tree does not die, it still stands tall
Waiting
Waiting for the right time to regrow in warmer weather with new growth

I think that you need some time to heal, hugge, to think, breathe, conserve your energy

Lalalouloulee1 · 02/06/2026 08:59

Checking in to say - I was you at 40! Then life changed dramatically and I met my love by doing my version of the burnt haystack method. I know how lonely it feels but if you want it to change and you'd like a lovely partner, why shouldn't it change? Fwiw I think you sound great and a wonderful assert to any partnership and a great mum. Maybe now your dd is getting a bit older it's time to focus on your well being, looking good, exercise and doing some gentle dating here and there. I know it's hard but if you've got this far with your career and motherhood it's time to focus on you and what you need. All the best 💐

Lifestooshort71 · 02/06/2026 08:48

How are you doing today op? Weather has broken here and it's tipping it down. Hope you're in a better place 💐

houseofvelvet · 01/06/2026 19:02

DoloresDelEriba · 01/06/2026 08:56

hey Sosaddj
Hope you are feeling a bit better today.
weekends are tough. Sending you a virtual hug and a ‘hey, it’ll be ok’ ♥️

dolores x

Edited

Same! hey OP- I hope you are feeling a bit better today. Just checking in and thinking of you.

I really hope you feel a little bit more positive today x

DoloresDelEriba · 01/06/2026 08:56

hey Sosaddj
Hope you are feeling a bit better today.
weekends are tough. Sending you a virtual hug and a ‘hey, it’ll be ok’ ♥️

dolores x

Gloriia · 01/06/2026 08:21

Op, many of these happy family scenarios you see are just an illusion. People having affairs, abuse, many are controlling, loads of people endure mindless squabbles and resentment.

Many would love to be like you, financially independent and not having the crap of other people to put up with.

Just cherish your dd, you will support each other as she grows up.

So yes, it's fine to have a quick wallow but just focus on your independence amd your dd, take a deep breath and carry on. Good luck .

Mysteise · 01/06/2026 08:20

Loreleily · 01/06/2026 01:55

wtf. Why have you decided she’s ‘ready’ to date again. She need to find peace with her own life not hitch her happiness on finding a man ffs

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Why don’t you read her post again. She literally says she is very tired of being alone, it makes her sad, she would like a family. Why have you decided she has to be happy being single! Most people need companionship.

BinNightTonight · 01/06/2026 08:13

shuggles · 31/05/2026 23:11

@BinNightTonight This is such a thoughtless response. It is not a good position to be in, to be a solo parent. If I end up in hospital tomorrow or die, what happens to my baby?

This is a real concern that is a byproduct of loneliness, and there are a lot of people who erroneously think that loneliness is not an issue.

I imagine the solution to this would be to have a circle of people that you are actively surrounded by, so that if something did happen to you (which we hope it doesn't), then your baby would not be alone for long before being discovered.

Thank you. I am one of the lucky ones as I do have family nearby (although my mum was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer and obviously wouldn't be able to have my child long term) Its a constant worry!

RamsaySnowsSausage · 01/06/2026 08:00

WasRightYetSoWrong · 31/05/2026 23:27

Yes, from your writing, I would find you difficult to partner.

However, if you wind your neck in and just appreciate life and don’t be naive then you’ll find your one.

Wishing you all the best.

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And there's the real you. You've had your tone deafness repeatedly pointed out but you double down with rudeness. Posting condescending nonsense to strangers and lacking in self reflection - Definitely not something I'd ever accept in a partner. If that makes me difficult to partner, then so be it but what's the point in changing criteria to get someone only but having to spend your life with someone with those qualities. No.

Selting · 01/06/2026 07:14

WasRightYetSoWrong · 31/05/2026 22:05

Wow! That’s a sad perspective.

I feel genuinely fortunate for my relationship, even more so after reading your post. I’m 26 years in, 10 years married, and we’re great together. Equals. I honestly believe that.

Life isn’t easy, but we’re doing get through it together.

I grew up in a broken home, but I feel that put me on the right path to find my perfect husband.

I’m one of many who have loving relationships, none of my friends have divorced and are all happily married.

There’s someone out there for everyone. Just need to find them.

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This is a tone-deaf and smug post. Of course there are decent men out there; I celebrated my silver wedding last year. But let’s not deny that there are also plenty of awful men and it is pretty damn hard to find them, esp as you get older. Read the room perhaps. This celebration of your relationship was not needed here.

Passaggressfedup · 01/06/2026 06:15

I met my husband at 38 when I was at my lowest about being a single parent of two and had the worst relationship history, similar to what you describe.

It was love at first sight and we've been married 13 years so far.

I won't say it's easy! Far from it, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I am grateful I got to be married and with that came a stable life. My husband is amazing at dealing with every day matters and decisions. It's a godsend.

It can happen, don't give up, even when you are at your lowest.

usererror99 · 01/06/2026 06:06

I’m sorry OP - I hear you and I understand. I still have moments where I cry now 5 years post divorce with 3 very young children. And that’s ok. Yes I count my blessings and all that because my life certainly isn’t as bad as some have it but that doesn’t mean we can’t grieve and cry and have a few moments where we lament our lot. Being a lone parent is crap a lot of the time. I’m surrounded by married couples/families - the whole 1/4 marriages ending in divorce doesn’t exist in my area/ friendship group / school mum group - I’d say it’s more like 1/15 (given there is only one other parent in my eldests entire class who is also divorced/separated) and that compounds the loneliness. Be kind to yourself and take it a day at a time x

Loreleily · 01/06/2026 01:56

BerryTwister · 01/06/2026 00:35

When I was 39 I was a single parent of a 2 year old.
8 years later I met my partner, and we’ve been together for 10 years now.
Life isn’t over yet OP!

And ‘life’ isn’t bloody dependent on having a man in it ffs

Loreleily · 01/06/2026 01:55

Mysteise · 01/06/2026 01:20

I think you need to reframe things. To me, it sounds like you are finally ready to start dating again. For three years you have been happy to be alone, angry with ex partner and navigating early years as a single parent. Very little chance to meet someone sporadically in that situation! Now, your daughter is five, you are past those intense early years with a little more time to think about your own needs again. You’d like company and have the headspace for romantic relationships once more. Time to get back on the horse.

wtf. Why have you decided she’s ‘ready’ to date again. She need to find peace with her own life not hitch her happiness on finding a man ffs

Mysteise · 01/06/2026 01:20

I think you need to reframe things. To me, it sounds like you are finally ready to start dating again. For three years you have been happy to be alone, angry with ex partner and navigating early years as a single parent. Very little chance to meet someone sporadically in that situation! Now, your daughter is five, you are past those intense early years with a little more time to think about your own needs again. You’d like company and have the headspace for romantic relationships once more. Time to get back on the horse.

Mydoreston · 01/06/2026 00:42

Newlysinglemum1 · 31/05/2026 21:42

I mean this nicely but honestly I absolutely hate being told to count my blessings as a lone parent.

I do that daily, 99% of the time I'm sunshine and rainbows because I have to be and it feels pointless dwelling on anything else. But actually lone parents are allowed to feel the weight we carry sometimes without being told 'chin up'. We have nowhere else to put that so being able to come into a space like this and be properly heard rather than shut down is actually quite important.

Op I see you, and I completely get that weight as I carry it as well and it's a very lonely place to be at times even though we know that it comes with peace and that peace is precious.

You are allowed to grieve the parts of your life that didn't work out the way you wanted. You are allowed to recognise that yes, it would be really nice for you to be actually seen, heard and taken care of and loved as a woman not just as a mum/ friend/ family member.

I think we all have those moments, where that sneaks up on us. Things like holidays, birthdays etc can feel extra hard when you see others with what you want and you wonder why it hasn't happened for you. It does help me to remind myself that when I see lots of happy families out and about that their men could be utter dicks behind closed doors and I'm thankful I'm not running after a man child as many women find themselves doing, but would it be nice to find someone and have a proper partnership and be loved properly the way I deserve? Absolutely. I don't need to apologise for feeling that way op and neither do you.

You are doing the work of two people on top of what sounds like a full on job and it's a lot. You're amazing.

I have a counsellor I see every few weeks and that helps me off load some of the heaviness of carrying everything on my own. I try to make some space for a little self care where I can. I also try to allow myself to feel my feelings when I need to. That's really important for avoiding burn out.

Do you have options for childcare op? Could you dip a toe into the dating pool again if you wanted to? There are plenty of single fathers out there. I think as a society we still really platform 'couple things' and we don't really celebrate single people successes the way we actually should. So while loads of people are out there in your and my shoes we just aren't as visible. And that makes it easy to feel alone.

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Completely agree and I say this as a child free woman - personally, I would rather remain child free than be a single parent. It is NOT what I want and while I would love my child overall I’d find it miserable to raise them alone.

Partly because I’d feel terrible for them if they didn’t have an active and engaged present father. And partly because I wouldn’t want to be the one doing everything.

So I have full sympathy for you, Op and any other lone parents struggling.

Darklight1 · 01/06/2026 00:35

Could you be depressed? Menopausal? Pre period? I’m single and I totally understand with all the happy families etc. I am depressed and it hits much harder. I constantly feel guilty my child is missing out on so much as spends most of their time with me and not a family. I don’t even have family close

BerryTwister · 01/06/2026 00:35

When I was 39 I was a single parent of a 2 year old.
8 years later I met my partner, and we’ve been together for 10 years now.
Life isn’t over yet OP!

Camomilecrumpet · 01/06/2026 00:28

Ace56 · 31/05/2026 20:58

Gently, you need to count your blessings. You wanted a child and you have one, you’re financially secure and are close with your family (close enough to go on holiday with them). Lots of people have none of these things and really are alone.

Your life isn’t over yet, there’s always time to meet someone new.

100% this. OP, it sounds like you’re doing really well in life.

I don’t doubt that it’s very stressful being the sole responsible adult in your household, and loneliness is an awful feeling so I don’t want to diminish that at all. However, you are still pretty young, particularly given you don’t have to worry about rushing to have a DC.

Your life doesn’t look like what you pictured right now but that’s normal and can change quickly.

I completely get feeling like you’re no fun to be around when you’re chronically stressed but you’re probably not as bad as you think.

Be kind to yourself.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/06/2026 00:11

Hi op, I am you! Same age and almost same age child.
if you lived closeby I’d be your friend and book holidays and playdates with you/ you need to find your tribe

Loreleily · 01/06/2026 00:04

At the end of the day we all only have ourselves to look out for us. You only have to look at the myriad of posts on here to see that.

Im a single parent too. I have lots of friends but like you it’s ultimately down to me. But that’s empowering in a way. Of course sometimes I get down and shed a tear, but really…life is good. Enjoy it