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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu for not remembering birthday?

40 replies

GoldfishMemory99 · 31/05/2026 19:11

MIL passed away two years ago, yesterday was her birthday.

Unfortunately I have been very busy the past two months with work, applying for an echp for one of my dcs, doing a right to choose referral for them, my eldest dc health problems yadda yadda yadda.. basically I have been dealing with a lot. DH leaves me to the paperwork and things like this as I deal with it better.

He is angry at me today because I forgot it was his mums birthday, he did say a few weeks ago it was coming up but didn’t mention the date. He didn’t mention nothing yesterday either, he was out most of the day! It’s important to add I do remember the date she passed.

aibu to think it’s not my fault I forgot? Apparently I don’t care and am terrible with people over it.

OP posts:
Original poster
GoldfishMemory99 · 31/05/2026 19:29

Stoicandhappy · 31/05/2026 19:26

Ask him when your dads birthday is…

i did I got the reply of “it’s not the same, your dad is alive.” Confused

OP posts:
Nogimachi · 31/05/2026 19:29

Erm…she’s dead so her birthday is no longer a celebration day.

He is being ridiculous and looking for an argument.

All he needed to say was “Mum would have been 81 today” or whatever and you would have commiserated with him.

Tell him to stop being so childish. This is about him, not about you.

Stoicandhappy · 31/05/2026 19:26

Ask him when your dads birthday is…

spellingtest · 31/05/2026 19:25

Just whack it on the calendar and you’ll remember next year. But only if it makes life easier, if not fuck him.

LadyLooo · 31/05/2026 19:25

Ridiculous that you’re even asking if you are unreasonable.

Original poster
GoldfishMemory99 · 31/05/2026 19:24

ExtraOnions · 31/05/2026 19:23

Been married for 20 years, MIL very much alive … couldn’t tell you her Birthday, and I’m pretty sure DH doesn’t remember mine

That’s another thing I rarely remembered when she was alive we didn’t have the best of relationships. Just not sure what to do now as he’s annoyed but I see it as a non issue really.

OP posts:
Original poster
GoldfishMemory99 · 31/05/2026 19:23

Sunnydaysarehereagain2026 · 31/05/2026 19:22

So he forgot but you are to blame for not reminding him. I'd mentally be quitting any dw work that involves anyones birthday..

No, no he remembered I forgot and he just didn’t mention the date or anything to me yesterday.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 31/05/2026 19:23

Been married for 20 years, MIL very much alive … couldn’t tell you her Birthday, and I’m pretty sure DH doesn’t remember mine

Original poster
GoldfishMemory99 · 31/05/2026 19:23

TheChosenTwo · 31/05/2026 19:19

What was he expecting to do on this anniversary? Why couldn’t he just do that anyway?
This is just bizarre.

I have no idea, he didn’t mention anything last year either.
Don’t know if it’s just the grief talking, but I was kind enough yesterday he went out drinking with friends while I watched dc so really there shouldn’t be a problem! Not sure if he expected me to be in flood of tears asking if he’s alright constantly.

OP posts:
Sunnydaysarehereagain2026 · 31/05/2026 19:22

So he forgot but you are to blame for not reminding him. I'd mentally be quitting any dw work that involves anyones birthday..

Helpforsummer · 31/05/2026 19:21

I can barely remember the birthdays of people who are alive...

TheChosenTwo · 31/05/2026 19:19

What was he expecting to do on this anniversary? Why couldn’t he just do that anyway?
This is just bizarre.

PeloMom · 31/05/2026 19:17

What did he expect you to do???make a cake? Throw a party?

Original poster
GoldfishMemory99 · 31/05/2026 19:15

Thats what I thought, anniversary of death understandable but I can’t remember every single date. He didn’t even want to do anything for it, so I don’t see what the big deal is. My grandad passed not long before his mum and I don’t expect him to remember the bloody date.

OP posts:
Irememberwhenitwasallfieldsroundhere · 31/05/2026 19:12

Fuck that, it’s not up to you to remember, he is BU