People from other countries - they’re just better than us, aren’t they?

Agreed. I was totally taken aback when living in England and a colleague returned after his mother’s funeral and no one condoled with him or mentioned it, and no flowers had been sent. Someone I knew only from occasionally meeting her out walking her dogs (a neighbour had mentioned that her father had died some months earlier, since I’d last seen her) thanked me for condoling and said she’d been shocked by people crossing the road to avoid her.

I’m quite certain it’s ’not knowing what to say’ rather than coldness or indifference, but it can come across that way.

Certainly not in Ireland. You would attend funerals for colleagues’ or friends’ parents or siblings or spouses that you’d never met, without thinking twice. You’re there for the person you know who’s bereaved.

Even if you were best friends of the deceased's son or daughter, but had never met the parent? THAT would be very weird indeed of the family. Cold is right.

That kind of zipped up attitude seems to spill over into other facets of British life too. I'm not immune but I would definitely go to my best friend's parent funeral and I wouldn't second guess the reaction of family to my presence. My friend would be happy to see me, and it would be for HER. That's what friends are for I would have thought. But hey I'm a bit warmer than most I suppose!

It would be seen as weird by the family if you turned up a funeral and you didn't know the dead person.

When posts mention how cold British people are (to them) and the defence given by others is "no, they are just shy and reserved", I often think of British attitudes and customs around funerals and death.

It is not mentioned, and people seem to be terrified of approaching the bereaved to sympathise. There was a thread recently where people were horrified that mourners would turn up at a funeral if they DID NOT KNOW THE DECEASED. Gosh that made me wince. Surely a death is a time of coming together for the bereaved, the living left behind, comforting them, remembering the dead person, all that sort of stuff. I'm sure it happens in some parts, but that was the general gist. Add to that the three to four weeks hiatus between death and the funeral, when everyone goes back to normal life in the interim and then has to grieve openly a month later. Totally unreal stuff. But it is what it is.

I suppose the responses to funeral attendances on that thread made me think how cold could people be not to go to the funeral of the relative of their dear colleague, walking group companion, choir member that sings beside them every week, school mum friend seen every day twice a day, hell anyone known very well and loved, just because you didn't know the deceased person!

I can see how this would come across as cold, impervious to real life, and stuck in "that's not the done thing", and stiff upper lip.

Just one example and my 2c.

I also live in SE London and I do not care if people are overweight or tattooed or fake tanned. The vast majority of people in London are lovely. It's the world's greatest city.
What a nice post.
Yes, I don't get the gardens either! 😉

Another French living in the UK (London). The UK isn't perfect, Brits can be a bit weird sometimes with social classes and their obsession with GARDENS, but overall I love living here.

I'm Parisian, when I go back to Paris for a weekend, on Friday evening I'm all like "Aaaah Paris sera toujours Paris" whilst humming some Edith Piaf, but by Sunday morning I can't run fast enough to catch the Eurostar and go back home.

I live in a pretty run-down area of South East London, a place that would make pearls clutch themselves, but it's very community driven and the vast majority of people are just lovely. Yes some of them have shitty tattoos, are a bit overweight and go to Tesco express in their PJs, that's fine if they're nice people.
I'm happy to be French but I'll equally be happy and proud to become British when I finally finish my citizenship application.

Exactly this. Choose where you go!

I'm French and whilst I agree about kids better behaved when eating out (as used to share family meals sat at a table) I would disagree about clean streets. I am shocked when I go back home at the amount of dog poo and litter in the streets, at least in big cities. It is different in small towns and villages but I expect it's the same in the UK.

There is one every few weeks. It’s totally depressing. I’ve been travelling around England this week thinking to myself what a beautiful country we live in !!

Your just being silly now

No former mining town in Slovenia is anywhere near the size of Doncaster (and there are worse places than Doncaster in the UK, I'd say). I can think this man might come from Trbovlje, Jesenice, maybe one of the Carinthian towns?- they are all pretty tiny, maybe rather dull for the most part, and easy to get away from. Jesenice for example is a gateway to the hiking and skiing country, and very close to Ljubljana, with its industrial heritage being reshaped for tourism (also the case in Carinthia). You have to see and experience Slovenia to get a measure of what I mean. Everything is small scale.

It's possible that people from particular places are not the most objective of sources. Sure, all places have problems, but Slovenia has fewer than most, and none of the former industrial towns there have a fraction of the problems or poverty of former industrial towns in the UK or many other countries. It doesn't stop people moaning.
Also, Slovenia is not actually Balkan. I love the way all the people replying here think they know what the poster meant by the controversial orientalist term "Balkans"- most assumed Croatia and started talking about wars in the 90s, with comments like "at least we don't kill our neighbours." Perhaps the poster meant Macedonia, Albania, Greece or Bulgaria, none of which were involved in the Serbia/Croatia/Bosnia war. And are actually close to the Balkan mountains, unlike Croatia.

Yes I'm sure, I have known him for a good eight years. As a PP pointed out none of our nations are homogeneously either good or bad so I have no problem reconciling both viewpoints. Also that of OP who was sitting in a nice Balkan state forming her own impression.

That nails it really. When on holiday, people naturally go to the nicer places in another country, not the grot spots, so we do get an unrealistic view of the country. Likewise if someone goes abroad on business, they'll probably be going to the "business" district of a city, where most people will be office workers, etc., and not the run down "downtown" areas.

I remember when we holidayed in California and spent our first few days in San Francisco on the waterfront in a hotel near the tourist attraction piers (39??), went to Alcatraz, boat tour of the bay, cable car ride to the main central shopping area, chinatown, etc. Thought it was a lovely city, everyone friendly, clean streets etc. Then I wanted some specific Levi jeans and found they had a big store in "downtown" San Francisco, so we headed there, and oh my! what a grot spot. As we parked up, there were literally primary school aged boys walking openly on the sidewalks with huge mallets/hammers and we saw one with a machete, another with an axe. Naively at first we thought it was some kind of fancy dress parade, but it quickly dawned on us when we also started noticing some very dodgy looking blokes on street corners etc. As we drove away, we actually heard what we thought was a car back firing, and then wondered why a couple of people were crouching down behind a car as we passed them - turned out we'd driven through a bit of a gun fight!

Foreigners coming to the UK and only doing a "highlight" tour, say by coach, really won't see the worst of the UK as they'll just see the sanitised version - not much gang crime nor litter in Keswick or other tourist hotspots, and it's exactly the same with Brits are abroad.

@AImportantMermaid · Yesterday 15:20

I think this when I go to Italy. I always say to my partner, ‘The Italians have really got their shit together’. The culture, the food, the wine, the clothes, the language…it all feels so relaxed yet exuberant.

Being on holiday in another country is always better than being at home (for that 1-2 weeks you're there) for pretty much everyone. No housework or drudgery or dragging the kids to school and hobby groups, no cooking, no washing and ironing, no chores, being waited on hand and foot by hotel staff, the locals all being lovely to you because you're a tourist, and all being smiley and nice, because you're often their bread and butter.

Just try moving there and living there, working there and trying to fit in, in their workplace with their rules and laws and their ways that will be different to the British. Trying to mix and fit in with the locals and be accepted by them, having to learn the language, getting to know all the laws, trying to rent a property (or buy one,) and just the day to day drudgery of living in a foreign place where you know no-one. Italians haven't 'got their shit together' any more than the British, they are putting on a show for the tourists.

And the UK has a LOT of beautiful scenery and beautiful buildings...

Are you sure it was Slovenia? Because overall that country ranks really high up on safety and life quality and education.

Actually there are things he misses from home which he cannot really do here and he is looking forward to going back for the sake of those things. So it is a choice based on priorities - just like people choose to stay in or leave the UK I guess.

I think his company would have allowed him to extend his deployment.

Does he have to go back?

I spent last Monday working with a Slovenian guy who who works for the supplier of a piece of capital equipment we are buying. He spent a lot of time worrying about going back there (he is re-patriating next month), worried about safety of his kids, drugs, employment opportunities for his family. He is from an ex mining town - It all sounded similar to somewhere like Doncaster.

I definitely think northerners are generally warmer than southern Englanders, though there are obviously exceptions.

100% agree - Northerner here 😀but I am married to a Southerner from London and even he agrees his old homestead his changed so much when we visit. Where have all the Cockneys gone?

OP, it is holiday goggles. You need to scratch more than the surface and spend enough time in a country to see the issues. You might even see some fat, ugly or scruffy people away from the tourist areas.

Everyone? I don’t know where in England you live, but that’s not my experience. I live in Liverpool, a city famous for its friendliness. You can barely leave the house without somebody striking up a conversation with you and having a giggle. I definitely think northerners are generally warmer than southern Englanders, though there are obviously exceptions.

I also think that British people are, unfortunately, not as good looking, on average, compared to most other countries

I said I agree with this comment from the PP. “On average”. But continue with your performative outrage.

Yes I often have to counter this myth, the UK has lower home ownership rates than many EU countries and has done for many decades, its not a new thing

That's not entirely accurate image of 44 something countries considering some have 90+ home ownership rates.... Not everywhere is Germany and Switzerland.