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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think this was really thoughtless?

80 replies

Query2026 · 31/05/2026 13:37

I’m in the kitchen bending down to unload the dishwasher. Unbeknown to me DH has opened the cupboard above me to get himself a glass and has left the cupboard door open.

I stand up and crack my head on the cupboard door. Very painful and results in a lump.

When I discuss this later with DH he says it’s reasonable to have cupboards open in a kitchen. I have said I think he was thoughtless and selfish because he could see i was below there unloading the dishwasher and I shouldn’t have to go hovering around checking whats above me. He said he just doesn’t think it’s a big deal.

AIBU to think this is not only thoughtless but also says something about how he views me?

OP posts:
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Evilkineavel · 01/06/2026 13:28

KilkennyCats · 01/06/2026 13:24

That’s not normal for a grown adult, ADHD or not.
How do you keep yourself safe?

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It is normal for adhd. I have an app on my phone to lock the car. And a set routine for the house but when I’m stressed it can all fall to an arse very easily.

KilkennyCats · 01/06/2026 13:24

Evilkineavel · 01/06/2026 12:51

I do forget to close my front door. And forget to take the keys out. And forget to lock it. And forget to lock the car.

That’s not normal for a grown adult, ADHD or not.
How do you keep yourself safe?

troothfairy · 01/06/2026 13:00

YANBU! My husband leaves cupboard doors open and I’ve lost count of how many times he’s stood up and smacked his head on them. I’ve run out of sympathy to be honest.

Evilkineavel · 01/06/2026 12:51

I do forget to close my front door. And forget to take the keys out. And forget to lock it. And forget to lock the car.

JoshLymanSwagger · 01/06/2026 12:46

I don't understand how anyone can leave a cupboard door open. Your hand is on the handle/knob. Close it.

Does anyone forget to close their front door?

I told DH about this thread - man, does he know me well! - He said if it was me, I'd have taken a screwdriver to every cabinet and taken the bloody doors off.

And he's right.

SecretSquid · 01/06/2026 11:32

Absentmindedly leaving a cupboard door open is one thing. Opening a door that's over your wife's head while she is unloading the dishwasher, and insisting it's reasonable behaviour, is downright nasty. Abusive even. Has a hint of deliberate about it.
As to the open dishwasher idiots, I remember a case when a child was killed. Tripped over and landed on the loaded cutlery, where a sharp knife was sitting pointy end up.

PartyQuestion30th · 01/06/2026 07:36

We’ve got a head smasher cupboard, DH leaves it open when sorting the dog food out, I think that’s daft as he’s walked into it 3 times I know of…so 8 shut it while he naffs with dog food as I don’t want him to smash his head again and I like him (most of the time).

your DH sounds not so nice.

Clairey1986 · 01/06/2026 07:27

What a dick. If he was genuinely just thoughtless he’d be apologising but the fact he isn’t and is blaming you for being hurt shows what a shite little man he is.

I couldn’t be with someone with that attitude.

He’d have earned himself dishwasher duty forever even with an apology in my house.

Pansykavalier · 01/06/2026 07:22

PeachySmile2 · 31/05/2026 22:13

Mine leaves the dishwasher all the time and it drives me nuts - we have a baby and could trip whilst holding her!

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And baby will be crawling before you know it and might find the things in the dishwasher really interesting and worth exploring - while his back is turned or he’s distracted…….. especially the knives…

PeachySmile2 · 31/05/2026 22:13

Marmite27 · 31/05/2026 13:39

Why did he leave the door open if he’d finished?

Saying that, DH has left the dishwasher open for someone to trip over.

Mine leaves the dishwasher all the time and it drives me nuts - we have a baby and could trip whilst holding her!

Weekmindedfool · 31/05/2026 21:59

Why do women put up with such shit partners? The mind boggles.

Boreded · 31/05/2026 21:59

Well he sounds like a dick. All he had to do was say sorry and ask if you were ok then all would have been fine. Instead he has pretty much made it your fault because open cupboards are normal 🤷‍♀️

Weekmindedfool · 31/05/2026 21:57

UniquePinkSwan · 31/05/2026 13:55

I leave cupboards open. I don’t mean to but there is no malice in it. It was an accident

Why do you leave them open?

TheDogsMother · 31/05/2026 21:54

I think I must have buried this memory but this thread has revived it. My ex H used to do this and it drove me mad.

Nearly50omg · 31/05/2026 21:03

He deliberately left that cupboard open to teach you a lesson

Jellox · 31/05/2026 21:03

I have left cupboards open, we probably all have.

But if someone hurt themselves you’d immediately apologise and make a conscious effort to not do it again.

Jellox · 31/05/2026 21:02

The leaving the door open would have annoyed but not as much as him not just owning up to his mistake and apologising.

I would keep reminding him to shut the doors.
What’s the point in having doors on cupboards if they’re going to be left wide open.

Gymnopedie · 31/05/2026 21:00

its ok it was a careless mistake. Forgive him.

No it's not OK. And it wasn't a careless mistake because he never does close cupboard doors. I guess he thinks that task is beneath him. And as he won't apologise and instead is trying to make it the OP's fault, after she got hurt, why on earth should she forgive him.

OP it's not identical but have a read of this:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

Basically he's saying he's more important than you.

Chocolattcoffeecup · 31/05/2026 20:45

Yes very thoughtless

I'd think about doing the same to him

NinaGeiger · 31/05/2026 20:41

I really can't understand why men do this. Every time my husband does it makes me love him a tiny bit less. It's so pathetic.
There are a lot of ways men are becoming better but my Dad never did this.
If my husband did this though and it caused me to hurt myself though he'd immediately apologise and try and do it less

MCF86 · 31/05/2026 20:40

I don't normally like to stereotype but the open cupboards really seems to be a "man" thing. I've known several!

Not seeming to care when someone you love is hurt isn't normal though.

Evilkineavel · 31/05/2026 20:37

Pansykavalier · 31/05/2026 20:33

No, it really isn’t an accident.

It’s fucking carelessness!

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In my case irspoor executive function as a result of my disability -namely adhd.

Pansykavalier · 31/05/2026 20:33

UniquePinkSwan · 31/05/2026 13:55

I leave cupboards open. I don’t mean to but there is no malice in it. It was an accident

No, it really isn’t an accident.

It’s fucking carelessness!

pyjamalife · 31/05/2026 20:28

Fair enough, I understand the defence mode, I try hard to overcome that when I've done something. But my embarrassment at injuring someone would override that and I would apologise. I can understand that the defence mechanism would take over for others though (it's a really hard symptom to try to control).

Evilkineavel · 31/05/2026 20:17

pyjamalife · 31/05/2026 20:03

I'm surprised how far down I got before ADHD was mentioned. This is a genuine trait that lots of people have. I'm terrible for it.

Not apologising profusely, however, is a dick move. I would be mortified.

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Same re apologising but I’m not a dick and im not lazy. I try as hard as I can

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