AIBU to compare myself to a seemingly perfect family?

Thanks. I appreciate that.

I have just read back at your posts; you don't seem to me to be being miserable or spiteful. You were just pointing out that sometimes people's lives on the inside can be different to what others see on the outside.
Nothing wrong with that imo.

@YourPoliteTurtle Firstly can I ask why you aren’t responding in a similar way to the other posters who have posted along the lines that I have? It seems a bit weird that you’ve taken it upon yourself to just chastise me when there are people saying similar. Why are you targeting me? Were you the poster from the other thread perhaps?

Secondly I’m confident that you absolutely cannot extrapolate anything about the kind of person I am from me saying that things aren’t always as they seem. You certainly cannot conclude that I’m spiteful and wishing ill on people.

it is there, you are the one who said it.

It's coming time and time again, if people look happy or slightly better off, it must be because they live a nightmare behind close doors

How could that possibly be helpful to anyone?

I think it's just a very lazy, instead of admitting that many people have a seemingly better life because.. they make better choices or work harder?

I think the two child thing maybe at the root of this. Have you ever had counselling to discuss that aspect a bit.

Going through people I know well, I can honestly say that there is no family that I have been jealous of. I’m logically aware the every family has unhappy periods and challenges at some point. There was only one friend that gave me pangs of perfection….

I know a previous poster has said they hate these posts but with the family I was slightly in awe of…, the H was very high flying director of international companies so they’d lived in UK, Switzerland and south of France. They had lots of friends, three happy, academically confident children and always seemed to do things harmoniously together- somehow the wife managed to pull off looking elegantly glamorous in that pressed linen kind of a way and kept a perfect house and worked. They weren’t pretentious though, really warm, welcoming and interesting. I felt sort of like a shadow in their presence and embarrassed about my own marital difficulties. Relatively recently it emerged that for pretty much half their marriage he’d been secretly keeping a mistress. The wife was broken when she finally discovered it and they are now split.

I just didn’t know them well enough!

Here I am just being spiteful and wishing ill on people. I’m a truly awful person - you got me bang to rights 😂

Alternatively I could just be trying to help the OP by telling her that things aren’t always as they seem on the outside.

Nothing spiteful and no ill wishing.

Honestly the ability of some Mumsnetters to read something into a comment that absolutely isn’t there is hilarious.

I'm just a bit in awe I suppose

It’s ok to objectively admire other people. Doing that doesn’t have to mean you feel they or what they have is better than you and yours. It sounds like you are happy with what you have. What they have is just different although tbh it doesn’t sound much different.

there is truth in that comment

Why is it so difficult to accept that other people are ok?
Many families have no health issue, there's no abuse, no drama, they just.. have a normal life.

They might look better and have more money, why does it mean their life would suddenly turn to shit behind close doors? Is everybody really that miserable as well? If not, why would they be specifically?

Just be happy for people you know who seem to you to have a perfect life; happiness creates happiness.

Everyone's life has ups and downs, celebrate the ups, whether they are yours or someone else's, because no one escapes the downs, illness, death, worries over children etc etc etc.
Your life sounds lovely too; be content.

You say OP that they made 'the right decisions' - this is something I've noticed about my friends with good lives. They have had really good powers of decision-making, often because they are intelligent, rational people and use that to think skilfully about their own lives. Sometimes intelligent people direct their abilities into getting great qualifications or a good career, but in my view it's just as important to direct your powers of judgement into making good decisions about your life.

If this is something you've noticed, getting better at making decisions is definitely a skill that can be learnt.

There was a similar thread here a while ago from someone who envied her friend’s seemingly perfect life.
I replied that we don’t know all the ins and outs of someone else’s life and it may not be as perfect as it seemed and she may have things happening that the OP wasn’t aware of.
Someone replied to me to say that I was spitefully wishing ill on other people to make myself feel better. 😂

On a more serious note, I know of a perfect family who were viewed like this while the kids were growing up. Turns out that one of the parents had multiple and severe MH diagnoses, which came to a head and led to many, many months in hospital. They are still a happy family, but the MH issues persist.

The key word is "seemingly"...... they might all hate each other!

well some people are currently at the gym they love getting a fit and toned body, or head down running the business that's making them a very nice income but doing something they love and make them proud

when others are on MN.

Neither are "wrong", different priorities, but if you look a family photo of the first one, they will look happy, healthy and cheerful on a nice holiday. People might get jealous of the photo, but they often ignore the work that goes behind.

Awww OP no one ever sees the real stuff and I felt like you a couple of years ago about a family .. then I became closer friends and their home life is not casual or fun. It’s stressful and full of resentment over money and parenting and mostly everything.
they come together to show a Instagram perfect life or photoshoot and trips and matching outfits. if anything I discovered that my slightly chaotic way less money lifestyle is actually a much happier home!

It's totally possible to have a lovely life, one that you're very happy with, that's filled with joy and love. But every single person experiences worry, fear, bereavement and all the negative things that life inevitably throws up.

My concern with the 'perfect' life is the extent to which it can be an act - something that looks great from the outside but doesn't function well on in the inside, or hides a lot of unresolved issues. I agree that it isn't always the case that happy people are hiding dark secrets, but it's worth remembering that people can often put on a good show to cover up a lot of hurt.

There have been 2 people that I really envied and thought they had perfect lives. It turned out they were both alcoholics.

I have friends like this. Yes they have the usual health concerns and worries about children, but they are very much in love and adore each other, four great and all very different children now living in various parts of the country. Lived quite frugally so now have money in retirement and they’ve just paid for the whole family to rent a villa in Spain for half term. The boys are hilarious so there will be much laughter and hilarity.

Actually they make me feel a bit queasy. If I wasn’t so fond of my friend I’d be giving them a wide berth 😂.

Yes everyone will experience sadness, death etc but that doesn’t mean they can’t have a lovely life.
Some people are happy with their lot, to them their life may be perfect due to the decisions they have made.
I don’t think you can say the perfect life doesn’t exist because for many people, who see the positives rather than the negatives, they are happy living the life they have so to them it is perfect.
I hate that just because someone looks like they have a perfect life posters are quick to jump on the fact that it’s impossible and there must be some dark secrets that will blow their world apart. It’s utter nonsense

Maybe they are perfect, but you don’t know how they got there.

I live in a beautiful house in the countryside that lots of my friends idolise. It was partly paid for by a payout my parents received when my sister died aged 24 when I was a teenager. I’d trade it for a hovel to have her back, so it’s not as perfect as it looks.

OP they're probably not as perfect as they seem. If it's the looks that you're focussing on then perhaps do something to make yourself feel better about how you look. Dont assume they're happy and their work life balance is perfect because it probably isn't.

Being with the same person since the age of 18? Dunno that I would fancy that personally. Different people will have very different priorities / preferences. How boring life would be if we were all the same…