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Original poster

Rude, or normal boy behaviour?

80 replies

Floofydawg · 31/05/2026 12:29

If you have young adult sons, how often do you hear from them?

Trying to understand if my DH's two sons are giving him the runaround. He hardly ever hears from them and most messages to them go unanswered. He sends them expensive birthday gifts and doesn't get a word of thanks. When they come back to visit (they live away from us) they prioritise seeing their mum. They seem to favour her even though she was the one who split the marriage up. He takes them out for meals and they never offer to pay.

I just feel a bit resentful on his behalf, he thinks this is normal for boys but I think they're being rude.

OP posts:
Passaggressfedup · 31/05/2026 15:33

OP, you are in love and still see your OH as an amazing man and therefore amazing dad you think he is.

In all likelihood, he was never the exemplary dad you think he was and still is. It has nothing to do with their mum having an affair. That has nothing to do with them. Much likely to be about his behaviour or lack of behaviour.

SockPlant · 31/05/2026 15:23

Loulou4022 · 31/05/2026 14:17

Seems to be part of the course on MN!

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the phrase you are looking for is "par for the course". And no we are not "man haters"

We are realistic about why two young men don't particularly have a relationship with their dad who they maybe didn't see much growing up. If his current actions are anything to go buy, maybe he was the kind of dad who swooped in EOW and did excitingly expensive things with his sons, bought them expensive presents but didn't provide what boys need from a dad.

Who knows. OPs DH and her sons know. And the expression "you reap what you sow" comes to mind.

What he needs to do is try to build an adult relationship with his adult sons. On his own, at least to start with.

Original poster
Floofydawg · 31/05/2026 15:17

GamingGang · 31/05/2026 13:17

How old were they? Surely you would n’t have been there or even in your husbands life when the split happened. Did he not build a relationship with them after the split? How long did he wait between the split and meeting you, and introducing you, living with you etc?

Edited
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We met 6 months after his split but we didn't live together until 6 years after that.

OP posts:
Pickledonions12 · 31/05/2026 14:25

Floofydawg · 31/05/2026 14:07

God there are a few man haters on this thread.

Man haters? Or people who have discerned, from what you've said, that your husband is passive

3WildOnes · 31/05/2026 14:17

I prioritise seeing my mum over my dad because I'm closer to her. In my 20s my parents always paid for meals out. I would always say thank you for gifts.

Loulou4022 · 31/05/2026 14:17

Floofydawg · 31/05/2026 14:07

God there are a few man haters on this thread.

Seems to be part of the course on MN!

ToTheRamen · 31/05/2026 14:15

Floofydawg · 31/05/2026 14:07

God there are a few man haters on this thread.

Is it “ poster behaviour”?

Original poster
Floofydawg · 31/05/2026 14:07

God there are a few man haters on this thread.

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 31/05/2026 13:21

Floofydawg · 31/05/2026 13:11

22 and 24, both working. He's told them now, but he respected her wishes when they were younger.

They know now but still chose her. Says a lot about him.

watchingthishtread · 31/05/2026 13:20

I think it's fair to assume that there's a whole lot more to their relationship than you are aware of. It's clearly strained. You'll probably never know why but it's very unlikely to be as simple as they're rude or it's their mums fault.

The part about him paying when he takes them out for meals is not unusual.

GamingGang · 31/05/2026 13:17

Floofydawg · 31/05/2026 13:15

@GamingGang he did see them. But they used to come over pretty much ignore both of us.

How old were they? Surely you would n’t have been there or even in your husbands life when the split happened. Did he not build a relationship with them after the split? How long did he wait between the split and meeting you, and introducing you, living with you etc?

ToTheRamen · 31/05/2026 13:17

Floofydawg · 31/05/2026 13:15

@GamingGang he did see them. But they used to come over pretty much ignore both of us.

They don’t like you two. It seems apparent, no?

Original poster
Floofydawg · 31/05/2026 13:15

@GamingGang he did see them. But they used to come over pretty much ignore both of us.

OP posts:
Pickledonions12 · 31/05/2026 13:15

SockPlant · 31/05/2026 13:04

"wouldn't let him"?? he is a grown man and can do what he likes.

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Dear lord. He sounds so passive 😳🙄

GamingGang · 31/05/2026 13:14

Floofydawg · 31/05/2026 13:11

22 and 24, both working. He's told them now, but he respected her wishes when they were younger.

Why? How old were they? Why would he respect her wishes at the expense of not seeing your children. It doesn’t make sense.

GamingGang · 31/05/2026 13:13

Floofydawg · 31/05/2026 12:59

Their mum had an affair and wouldn't let him tell the kids why they'd split up, consequently they didn't properly speak to him for years after he met me. He's done nothing but try to be a good dad to them.

Why couldn’t he tell them. If my partner had an affair and then turned my children against me, I would tell them in an age appropriate way. It sounds like an excuse or there is more to this. If they were too young to know the truth then they were too young to choose to not se him and so they would have Ben made to if he’d have done to court. If they were older, then he should have told them and if he was a good dad, they would have chosen to see him. Something doesn’t add up.

Original poster
Floofydawg · 31/05/2026 13:11

22 and 24, both working. He's told them now, but he respected her wishes when they were younger.

OP posts:
SlightlyAjar · 31/05/2026 13:10

DaVinciGirl · 31/05/2026 13:01

Boys? They’re fully grown adults.

No such thing as ‘boy behaviour’ either.

Exactly. There aren’t different gendered types of rudeness. If the OP’s DH is of the ‘Ho ho, boys will be boys’ persuasion, it’s not hard to see why they’re like this.

Allywill · 31/05/2026 13:08

How old are they? If they are students/ young adults it’s not a surprise they don’t offer to pay. If they mainly lived with mum after the split they probably view her house as “home”. What do you mean he wasn’t “allowed” to tell them about the affair? When they were young it probably wasn’t appropriate to bring them into adult matters but surely he can decide what to tell them and when - he doesn’t need permission from anyone?

SockPlant · 31/05/2026 13:04

Floofydawg · 31/05/2026 12:59

Their mum had an affair and wouldn't let him tell the kids why they'd split up, consequently they didn't properly speak to him for years after he met me. He's done nothing but try to be a good dad to them.

"wouldn't let him"?? he is a grown man and can do what he likes.

SockPlant · 31/05/2026 13:03

it is rude. Your DH is a grown man and can make his own decisions. Does his sons' behaviour hurt him? then he might want to reconsider how he handles gifts etc. How about a day doing something together rather than an expensive thing? if they would prefer the expensive thing, he knows where he stands.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/05/2026 13:02

There is no boy behaviour. Or girl behaviour. It doesn’t sound like they’re very close to him or want to invest much in the relationships.

outerspacepotato · 31/05/2026 13:02

His sons have a limited relationship with him for their own reasons and he is ok with that. Don't stick your nose into his relationship with his sons and definitely don't criticize them or resent them. That's not your territory as Dad's wife.

DaVinciGirl · 31/05/2026 13:01

Boys? They’re fully grown adults.

No such thing as ‘boy behaviour’ either.

Original poster
Floofydawg · 31/05/2026 12:59

Their mum had an affair and wouldn't let him tell the kids why they'd split up, consequently they didn't properly speak to him for years after he met me. He's done nothing but try to be a good dad to them.

OP posts: