Driving new car anxiety

Driving lesson with an instructor
‘automatic lesson’
Then take the car as much as possible whenever you are on your own to build your confidence .
It’ll help .
However I feel your pain we have a luxury ‘tank’ currently considering going down to one car so I’m without but I borrowed my daughters mini last week for an errand and loved it -reverse parked in a second and turned so easily . Loved driving with gears and being in control no beeps no pings alerts/ alarms
and drove better in my opinion because I enjoyed it .

BlackBean2023
So DH can buy a luxury car with no consultation but you have no disposable income to buy a run around?
I think you have bigger problems than just not being able to drive the car, which you will get used to, but other people also will ding in car parks!

It sounded more like op didn’t want to change cars, was willing to keep going until the car finally stopped and he decided to go for it. I don’t think we need a ltb over op being nervous.

op I was very similar and then had to change car for three weeks while car was in the garage, it’s honestly just all about habit and practice. Just honestly start driving. I avoided driving for two days which isn’t possible given work kids and how rural we are, then I started driving it as much as possible, I was terrified!!! When we finally had to change car it was a different car again but no worries. You’ll end up adoring it!!

OP, I'm not sure, given what you've posted, that the discussion about the car can be extricated from your DH. Are you actually afraid of driving the car, or are you worried about your DH's reaction if you ding it? That's what you need to answer. Your DH's reaction, was he really not happy about you hitting the brake thinking it was the clutch, or are you elaborating for the purposes of the post? You need to answer that question honestly. Any new car requres a mindset pivot until you get used to it, that's normal. Moving from geared to automatic also requires a bit of extra concentration, but not for very long. It's really easy after only a very short period of driving. But the way you've written your initial post makes it sound as though there are now 3 'people' in your marriage and DH is firmly in bed with the car, and that's a bigger problem.

I once pranged one of our old cars by reversing it out of a parking space and hitting a bollard that I'd forgotten was there, and was beside myself for being such a moron. My DH's response? "It's only a car, you daft arse" followed by a big hug. You need to know that you'll get a similar response, not silent treatment for a few days and never being allowed to forget your mishap.

(And also, just to clarify, this is no assumption on your DH, or the state of your marriage. Some men can be right knobs about their cars.)

This is something u may not get used to !!
I actually bought myself a lovely car lol and hardly ever drive it to scared of banging it or someone screaming it which actually did happen someone scratched it all the way along side of car on purpose !
I had it fixed cost me a fortune !
Then I downgraded to a new fiat 500 and I loveeeee it I'm out and about all the time the car anxiety can really affect u !
So in all honesty u should have a discussion with your hubbie about getting yourself a reliable runaround !!

A £50k car is a luxury for most people.

Yes I understand OP, used to drive a Ford, have replaced car and new car is so easy to drive

if it’s more modern it should be easier but I understand your worries

I’m about to get a new car, and I’m buying 3 years alloy and scratch insurance, is that an option?

The best thing about an.old car is u not precious about it. Hope things get easier.

You will get used to it. You can drive a car so you can drive that car.
I was the same with an automatic, I hadn’t driven one for about 10 years and when I stopped I slammed my foot on to the brake. It took a while until my feet stopped trying to move and my hands went to the gear box. But I flit between automatic and manual now and I mange just fine.
Dh also has a high end ‘luxury’ car (the automatic) but I have another car that I can drive if I want to. He is ‘precious’ about the car and of course he doesn’t want it dented because I’ve parked it somewhere but if I’m just going shopping or popping somewhere I want to park in a tighter car park then I take the other car. If we didn’t have the car then he wouldn’t have any right to say anything about the car and nor would he.
It’s just a car and after a while the novelty wears off anyway

The issue with him.being over protective will not help ur anxiety. I had a 2015 Fiesta that i recently changed for an automatic. It is a smaller car though. Tip re left foot, u will find there is a little platform inside on the left. Put ur foot on there and keep it on there- that's what the dealer told me

Why does almost every thread end up with someone quoting a post having not read it properly?

Where did I say there were marriage issues?

I think it is quite obvious, however, how the husband makes the OP feel about driving his car.

Agreed. This isn't just the car-OP, there's lots of good advice for learning to be confident in the new car, I like the instructor idea particularly, also, taking time to sit in it and learn where all the controls are.
Years ago, I went on holidays with my then partner and child. We used his car as it was bigger but there was always some reason I couldn't drive it. I absolutely hated the feeling of being stuck/helplessness. If I wanted to go and do something, we all needed to go as I couldn't drive the car.
Please, don't be me. Sit in the car, get used to it. Get the seat in the right place for you (some cars do this automatically depending which key is used). Learn how to move the steering wheel up and down to suit you. Go for lots of short drives.
Him buying a car like this? Very, very unhelpful.

I hear ya!

After years of driving older manuals we got an automatic new car through notability (it’s also adapted for my ds to drive) and I was really anxious driving it.

Not least because it’s a lease car too!

But I was ok. DS taught me about all the tech stuff and 18 months in I’m still learning about some features.

I got use to driving auto quite quickly and actually love it now! (parking takes a while to master!)

Today is Sunday. Typically the roads are quieter so if you can go out alone for a good drive along quieter roads and familiarise yourself.

I bought a new car recently, I found TikTok really useful for learning about all the various controls etc. It’s the biggest car I’ve ever driven but is actually the easiest to drive and park because I took the time to research all the bits and bobs.

Why does almost every thread end up with assumptions the OP is having marriage issues?

You know nothing about the husband.

I passed my driving test about 6 months ago so while I can’t comment on the new car side of it, I get the feeling anxious bit. My advice is just get out there without your DH and kids first for some small drives and get over the nervousness. My DH is a nightmare in the car, a total backseat driver and constantly passes comment and I told him firmly that he either trusts me to drive or he doesn’t get in. You need to have confidence in yourself or you’ll make this a thing. You’re a safe driver I assume, and we’re grand in your previous car. You just need time to get used to the new one and you’ll be whizzing about in no time. And if it does get the odd scratch here and there it’s not the end of the world. It’s a piece of metal. Your DH will calm down when it’s not so new. Good luck

I was really nervous switching from a manual to an automatic but I absolutely love it. Especially the adaptive cruise control and parking camera. My car practically drives itself.

You do need to change your mindset a little though, this car will get scratches, chips, little dings from other doors. These things happen and there is just as much chance of them happening when your DH drives itself as there is when you drive it.

If you are driving it to work every day and also doing the school run, when is your DH actually driving the thing?

I echo what others say, go out in it on your own on a route you know well. eg drive the school run on a Sunday. Automatics really are fab once you get used to them. Make sure you spend plenty of time adjusting mirrors and seat. Learn how to use the hold button. I bet it has an electronic handbrake too, right? I found that a big change but it’s amazing not to have to release it when you pull off. Practice that in an empty car park or something.

I bet it has parking sensors and cameras too. Learn how to use those and you’ll realise how much easier they make everything. As for dings, my car actually brakes for me if it thinks I am too close to something when manoeuvring. Yours may well do the same.

Practice makes perfect.

Oh and tell your rude kids that their behaviour is NOT acceptable.

Part of the anxiety is probably just because it’s a different car, regardless of whether it’s a “luxury” one or not. So things may be in a different place or unfamiliar. You don’t have to use any of the more complicated controls and functions, especially if you are mainly going to be driving it around town in short trips. As you get more familiar with it, then you’ll be able to figure out if and how you want to use any of the non-basic functions.

Definitely drive it on your own, and the children need to be told not to be so bloody rude about your driving, especially if they expect to be picked up and dropped off by you. I’m sure walking is an option for your eldest!

This! You wouldn't be so anxious if your husband weren't being an arse about it.

My husband recently passed his test, and I've accompanied him on a few drives whilst he gets used to my car.

He stalled the poor thing seven times and crunched the gears etc, but I didn't say anything, just calmly said it's ok. He's not likely to see you gain confidence if he's there chipping away at it!

Automatics are considerably easier to drive than manuals so it won’t take you long to adjust.
But whilst you didn’t ask for opinions on your marriage, I do think it’s relevant to the issue here that your DH bought a car he wanted, seemingly with little regard for your opinion. And it appears that much of your anxiety centres about the fallout if you were to feel/be responsible if it gets damaged. Not to mention the family mocking you when you did take it out.

You will get used to it quickly but I would recommend taking it out on your own for some short journeys when it's not busy to practice parking and maneuvering. Having your kids shouting nonsense in the back and dh being judgemental is hardly going to help.

Go and find and empty supermarket car park and have a go at parking. Drive some of your usual routes. Do all of this at a quite time....this morning should be good. Make yourself use it once a day and I reckon you will be fine within a couple of weeks. Sitnon the drive way and fiddle with the buttons, work out where important things like fog lights, windscreen wipers, hazzard lights erc are. Play with the seat settings so you know what works for you. The automatic is actually much easier once you get used to it.

You might scratch it. He’ll need to get over it. If you had no say in the decision he needs to accept potential consequences. Once it has a few scratches and scrapes then you can probably both relax a bit.

Why not book a driving lesson with an automatic instructor and then another with same instructor in your own car. The independent person should help calm your worries.

Put your left foot completely out of the way- if it’s not near the pedals you’re less likely to use it. Honestly, the switch to automatic will feel much easier once you’ve driven it ore or two more times.

Agree with PP that your husband isn’t helping, likewise your kids. Maybe try a few drives on your own. He doesn’t sound very supportive and the impression you give is that you’re scared of him rather than the car. Imagine that you scratched it- what is it about that idea that most bothers you? Is it the scratch itself or his reaction? I know you want to focus on the car not your marriage but if the thing worrying you is your husband’s reaction, nothing we say about the car is going to help.