To think parents are not teaching any independence?

There is a certain type of self-styled ‘boy mum’ who seems to baby their sons, running round after them and not expecting them to lift a finger. Nothing is their fault apparently. It’s weird. And the results of that are often the useless partners we read about on here all the time.

I think it is quite a privilege to be able to be uncontactable these days. I have a DH and a student DD who both have health issues so I need to be contactable at all times.

It has nothing to do with being needy in my case.

There’s a new thread today asking for a list of what her 20-YEAR-OLD son should pack for a holiday to Spain.

This may shock you... but there are jobs where adults have their phones out of reach all day.

I do this fairly regularly and intentionally. I like to be switched off from everything. I tell people roughly where I’m going (usually a long walk) but other than that I’m incommunicado for a few hours. It’s absolutely fine and actually a good thing to do in my view.
if I get lost I ask someone. Like the olden days.

Similar in DD's school except its a tray on the teacher's desk (and some teachers allow them to keep their phones, for instance in art they can listen to music with headphones while doing their work which is nice)
Not so keen on them having their phones during breaks but if has been useful as DD has occasionally messaged me during the school day to say she's feeling ill and ask if she can go home.

I think the phone is just an example. I do think young people these days are less independent but the true issue is resilience.

Phones have made us all lazier and more anxious. We don’t solve problems in the same way, we ask Google for everything. And we are seeing the effects of lack of independence when we look at the generational differences in work ethic for example.

We wrap our children in cotton wool, more than I remember. We give them our anxiety by enforcing that they cannot be without a phone. And we become anxious because we are tracking th.

I do have a teen, but the reason for her having a phone is so we can communicate - however that may be. So she keeps in touch with family too and has own friendships. I would love to see dumb phones rolled out but I would also love to see more parents showing their children how to use phones responsibly.

would you go off for the day and purposely leave your phone behind? Every day?

I do go out and leave my phone behind. I said so before. Why wouldn't I?

As a grown adult I can be trusted to use the internet responsibly. Children aren’t mature enough so rely on their parents/carers to ensure they only see appropriate things.

Why do some adults always have such higher expectations of children and adults than they would have of themselves. All those saying "oh yes, they don't need phones" .... would you go off for the day and purposely leave your phone behind? Every day?

Hardly unusual seeing as only about 40% of households had phones in the early 70s

Yes, quite a lot of my secondary school friends c.1970, possibly the majority, didn't have a phone.

It's relevant to what the kids could do if the parents had no phone/ were at work/ had no car.

Obviously, having a phone and a selection of people to call is a far better idea than thumbing a lift.

I grew up in suburban Dublin in the 60s and 70s and can't remember a time when we didn't have a phone. An aunt in a very remote rural area got a phone in the early 80s. She was the last of my relatives to have a phone.

Living remotely meant that my cousins had free bussing to school and back, so they didn't experience the sort of emergency I might have run into, taking the public CIE bus from school every day with my younger siblings and a few other children in tow.

My parents taught me to use a payphone around age 8, gave me the coins I needed (kept them in my schoolbag), and I had the numbers of three neighbours memorised in case I really needed help urgently.

Twenty years ago, the local authority sent every state-educated child entitled to a place on a school bus a laminated ticket showing their name and school, and public buses accepted payment in cash!

Hardly unusual seeing as only about 40% of households had phones in the early 70s

The 80s id agree with you more

How's that relevant to what the parents could do about kids ringing them if a bus doesn't turn up

Thumb a lift, I suppose.

You don't see many kids doing that nowadays. I wonder why.

Well we didn't have one Nor did my grandmother. My friends mum installed a payphone in her house as she had loads of teenagers

It was 82 I was at secondary school and79 when I was making my way to and from school by myself

40 years ago - so 1986. It was pretty unusual for households to not have a phone in 1986.
I had a friend at school who didn't have a phone in the early 1970s and that was quite unusual even then.

No mobile and no house phone
There were pay phones everywhere

And what use was a payphone if you didn't have a phone at home, as many people didn't? Who ya gonna call?

So why not give up your phone during the day then?

My phone spends most of its time in my bedside drawer. As I think I said before, I only take it out with me if I'm travelling to meet someone, and might need to let them know the train is delayed. But we managed without phones - we (mostly) made an effort to be where we said we would be, when we said we would be, so our friends weren't hanging around waiting for us. (Over the course of my life there have been two people I gave up making arrangements with because they were not reliable.)

It was a reply to someone saying people only managers 25 years ago because their were phones

I'm not saying they aren't useful but best not to over depend on them. Easily dropped, smashed or stolen

Agree.

It's not a safer world either, these days, despite what some here are claiming.

My DCs' high school in the US has banned phones during classes. All classrooms have a phone storage thingy like an over the door shoe holder where students deposit phones as soon as they walk into the room. Students can use their phones during passing periods and at lunch, and once the school day is over their phone use is entirely up to them.

No home phone at my house though. Who would I call?

How is this relevant in 2026?
The world is a different place now. We all managed with the resources we had 40 years ago because the world was set up for that. In 2026 I use my phone to buy rail tickets (it has my railcard on it), buy cinema tickets, as a satnav, to listen to audio books on long drives, to keep in touch with DD who is a student, to look up a myriad of useful information and loads more.

Stating what we did or didn't do 40 years ago is pointless.

Only because you didn't have them available 😅 people managed with no hot water and electricity too 🤷‍♀️

Can't imagine in 40 years saying to people well I managed without such a such so children should too 😅