To think parents are not teaching any independence?

Apologies, i dont check mumsnet every day and didnt notice this.
Not surprised at all
I dont check my own phone at work. I probably could, but it would be very u professional And we are told not to. However I do have it for my commute there and back, making any last minute changes, if i need to stop at shop to collect anything etc.

Yeh it seems like based on these replies that the phones actually create independence as they enable the kids to work it out themselves and not rely on asking adults for help

What mostly baffles me about that type of replies is that “sorting it out” still involves asking for help, from adults, just with extra steps. I don’t really see the difference.

Well said @jinglejanglescarecat
My plan was to take 4 trains on Saturday. I ended up on 3 in the end due to a long delay.
I needed my phone for my ticket and railcard
I needed my phone to check my return train time
I needed my phone to find out what happened to one of my trains

I think if we return to the original post:

1. phone or no phone - has no impact on independence.
2. not all bus rides are 15 minutes.
3. giving them cash won’t help in a lot of situations as a lot of places no longer take cash - public buses being one of them in some places.
4. a lot of people have grown up with tech and phones and so are used to feeling safe and being able to call for help, plan a route, use a map if lost, send a text to say they’re going to a friends, call to say they’re staying for a club, pay for a drink in a shop when it’s really hot…..
5. it’s not about being precious - it’s the world now. I frequently have train issues with cancellations/delays etc. first thing I do when I find out o can’t get home easily is use my phone to plan a new route, look at the issue and see if it’s likely to resolve soon, maybe book an uber instead, text/call my partner to say that I’ll be a bit later home (as he’ll worry if I’m late), change any plans I had (I’ve had to move an appointment before). I couldn’t do this without my phone. Yes I can ask at the information desk and figure out things. But phones mean I can be independent and figure it out myself!!

OP how long is your kids bus journey? @MrBlobbysNuts

What you’re describing has nothing to do with getting the bus without a phone though. We managed it back in the day because no one (or very few people) had mobile phones and the world was much more set-up for not having a mobile - eg. Pay phones everywhere, it being commonplace to ask to use the phone in a cafe, the school office maybe staying open later in case kids had to come back cos they’d missed the bus. Kids still called their parents for help - they just did it on a pay phone or at the school office. It’s just a lot easier to call from your own phone now. And we’re not giving them some kind of special treatment, we’re giving them the same treatment as any adult would get - cos any adult would have their phone on the bus. It’s up to parents to put boundaries in with their kids, eg. “No I’m not picking you up cos you missed the bus, you’ll just have to wait for the next one”. It’s not about them not being able to contact you at all. Do posters saying it’s ridiculous actually have kids around this age? I have a 12-year-old who gets the bus to school plus a fairly long walk. There’s no way I’d want her walking that walk alone (even though I tell her to always walk with friends, she is occasionally alone) without any way to contact me in an emergency. Why would I take the risk? It’s not making her any less independent because she wouldn’t dare ring me to ask for a lift unless it was a true emergency. It does mean she’s safer though, and tbh that’s all I really care about. Even my own dad gave me a mobile to take to school for emergencies in the late 90s as I had to get a train & 2 buses to his work in a pretty dodgy part of town.

YABU. 40 years ago there were payphones.

But WHY isn't it acceptable? Are kids more stupid these days they need co stant tracking and supervision? I don't think so.

But SOME parents ( not including myself in this) don't seem to have any confidence in their kids abilities. And therefore not allowing the kids to do stuff by themselves. This starts a lot younger than age where they would need a phone. The amount of times I've seen kids in shops etc where the parents are not letting them deal with choosing and paying for something themselves, or when they try and do something Mummy jumps in to help. My DD helped oit at a brownie thing where the kids were meant to be frying sausages ( under supervision) Majority of the " supervising" parents too k over and cooked themselves Or ethe extreme case of my neighbour who was out in the snow building a bloody snowman for the kids who were watching from the window so her little darlings ( who were about 7 and 10 at the time) wouldn't get cold FFS

I still don't see gaving phones or checking whether children are home has anything to do with independence. It is almost always about giving parents reassurance. It also means parents can track their children via life360 or whatever.

I mentioned ring doorbells because parents are worrying if they aren’t home on time and they haven’t heard from there. Yes it wasn’t the case in the eighties but times have changed. To go back to children not having a phone on their journey home requires a change in mind frame where they aren’t constantly checking on their kids or worrying so easily.

Not saying it’s not doable but it isn’t necessarily easy for some. And maybe that is hampering independence but it might also be a way of parents allowing some independence - being comfortable with them being home alone etc.

what was acceptable from parents in the eighties in terms of giving children independence is not as acceptable these days. We always see posts on here about how kids can’t be left home alone until a high age etc.

I meant if the parents were at home obviously.🙄 If the parents were at work then there might be no need to phone them if just going to be late home. I actually started secondary school in the 70s and definitely would be in contact with my parents if missed the school bus. I also would phone my mother at work to ask her if she could pick me up on the way home (and probably some of my friends) if there was a problem with transport. Just because you didn't contact your parents it does not mean everyone else was doing the same thing! It's not necessarily anything to do with kids being capable either. It could be just so their parents don't worry.

I can see how that works in a primary school but not in high school where they don't have the same room all day. We have boxes too for when pupils get them out but they tend to outright refuse to give up their phones and say it's against their human rights!

What actual percentage of kids travel to very rural areas on an unreliable bus daily.

The greatest majority won't and the parents are far more likely to have cars in that scenario living in the back of beyond

And as for the school trip scenario, of course one of the teachers should have a phone with contact numbers / Whatsapp for the parents.

I don't however remember my DDs school taking them on a trip and so e ,A level students attended ( year 12) . Got the " late" text myself DD pointed out that I wasn't coming to fetch her any ,BECAUSE SHE HAD HER OWN BLOODY CAR parked at the school.

So some infantilisation was being done by the school also ( bearing in mind she could've left school by then

Like how? Parents are at work. How's the neighbour going to let them know?

Honestly are people really dense here? When is started secondary school in 1982 ( ignore the fact id took myself to primary and back on bus / train before that) we didn't have a house phone, a car and my ( single parent) dad was at bloody work

Yet people going on about phoning neighbours, using call boxes and even better parents checking on the " ring" bell.

Strangely enough I'm nearly 5t and managed to cope. Even taking ages to get home at times as spent bus fare on other stuff so had to walk it get a " backie" on someone's bike

Your kids are capable of a lot more than many parents give them credit for if they are taught well and not over protected

Not in the bloody 80s it didn't lol. And not everyone has one now either.

Are the parents at work then checking doorbell notifications lol

Ring doorbell or equivalent enables the parent to see if the child has arrived home, even when they aren’t there

Why would they need to sort it out? They could just let the parents know.

Tell the parents child will be late - maybe let someone who drives go there drive past and pick them up.

I don't have a car but me and the kids know people who do drive - and we can arrange taxi and ubers these days often from smart phones.

I aslo lived in 90s in a rual location - with a hour bus service with huge gaps and a dedicated school bus that wasn't as reliable as it should have been- I can't image what alterniate arrangments to get home you think could have been made. With DD1 at college it was a perfect storm both train and buses out and us not driving her best bet was a taxi which she ordered by herself with her smart phone.

I don't get your posts - we live in a world were mobiles are now expected to travel around. The harking back to some imagined past is coming across as more 4 yorkshire men sketch than any real point.

My kdis bus did get badly delayed on a school trip - a text was sent to parents to pick up around an two house later tahn palnned- I wasn't worried but did appreciate knowing as could change plans accordingly for pick up - too young according to school to walk home themseleves.

Because parents talk to each other. I know parents at my son's college, I know they didn't get help filling in the uni applications. Funny how you suddenly have info from your son when you only mentioned forums before.

How do they get a bus ticket without a phone though? Ours are all on apps not paper tickets.

Our school also makes a big song and dance about not having phones then outs all the homework in an app which they need to access from their phone, ditto all information and how the pay for lunch….

My mum asked me recently if i remember the school trip where my bus broke down when I was about 6yo. I did.

What I didnt know... the parents had absolutely no idea where the bus was. The school didnt either. The first bus got back an hour late, and told the other parents... that bus was going back to pick up the rest of the children.
My mum was at home, as she had picked up my brother and my friends sister... friends mum was dropping me off.

Apparently my Mum just presumed I was safe as I would be with friends mum/teachers.

It was a completely different time.

Even if I did phone a neighbour do you expect them to sort it?

And if parents are at work they are unlkely to even know the teen is late are they? I finished school at3.15 pm, theoretically home by 3.r5.

But often went straight out with mates etc. As long as I was home before 5.45 when dad returned from work he wouldn't know if id arrived at 3.45 or 5.40

And surely you'd teach kids alternative routes/ options. Before They start secondary school

I had a 21 yo at work asking me how to dry his hands without a kitchen towel.
I work in tech and he was a software engineer intern.

Well it parents didn't have a car so it would've been bloody impossible for them to give me a lift