AIBU to expect more consideration during my husband's on-call weeks?

Anyone who wakes up their partner at 5.45am at the weekend without a particular reason is awful!

He sounds horribly selfish

Oh and I do less of the kids pick ups when on call but more when I’m not to balance things out.

OP, your behaviour is defaulting to him being in charge of decisions that are yours. If you want to sleep in another room, just sleep in another room. He is the one who is over-reacting if he kicks up a fuss about this. It is not dramatic of you to want unbroken sleep.

I sleep with DH on call but I’d never take a phone call. There is a call alarm but I wear headphones so he doesn’t hear it.

I run out of the room to limit disturbance and sneak back in after the call. I’ve chosen a role with on call not him.

Your husband sounds selfish, inconsiderate, has double standards and isn't a team player for your family. He's an idiot.

I do on call and it never occurred to me or my husband that we should sleep in separate rooms for it.

Can you not just say that you are a very light sleeper and not going back to sleep after a call so it's going to work better if you are in the spare room?

My husband had a similar pattern of on call weeks, the only limitation really was that he had to take his phone with him and stay within 20 min of the house. So he could do most of the family activities with us, park, shopping etc.
Then if he was called he would step out, and sometimes he had to leave.

Unless he was actively working, there was very little difference to a normal week/weekend.

Sleep in an different room if you want to, you don't need his approval.

He sounds like a twat.

I've been on call in previous (IT) roles with an expectation of being online and able to work in 20 mins. Confidentiality meant it would be inappropriate to take the calls/try and work in a public place. Supermarket trips, taking kids to activities all pretty impossible in the on call weeks. But the money was good! I would always sleep alone in those weeks. Selfish not to.

I do on call (hospital doctor). We don’t have a spare room but my husband is incredible
at getting straight back to sleep so he doesn’t find my calls too disruptive. I leave my work clothes out ready to put on and don’t put lights on if called overnight. Long calls where we are discussing complicated plans I’ll go downstairs for, quick ‘you need to come in’ doesn’t need that as I literally grab my stuff and go.

When the kids were younger I couldn’t really risk being solo with them as I have to be onsite within 30 minutes if called in. It’s easier now.

I would say this depends on the type of on call work he is doing.
I do on call, I am called regularly especially overnight. My partner doesn't mind me answering the phone but I then leave the room and go downstairs to actually work.
Other than a quick walk round the block to walk the dog I can't leave my house when on call as if I am called it is urgent and I wouldn't be able to say I'm on the school run I'll be back in 15 sort of thing.
However he should be spending the time in the house on call doing jobs/housework at least!

He's being a selfish, self-centred dick.

Maybe explain to him that sleep-deprivation is a well-known torture method. If he won't sleep in the spare room, then you will. That's his choice.

By the way - you have full agency on this sleeping arrangement decision. He doesn't get to decide you get a shit night's lack of sleep. Who made him king of the fucking universe?

If you want to sleep in the spare room do, tell your DH he is disturbing you. If he doesn’t like it, tough.

I’d sleep in another room if I didn’t like it.

What exactly does on call mean? My dh had to be at the factory ready to go within half an hour, and it took 25 minutes to drive there. So he really did have to drop and run.

He’s out of order not sleeping in different room
but in the big scheme of things I would just sleep in different room you don’t need his permission

it depends on in the nature of the job I used to work for one of the utilities and had to do callouts
on role like your DH had to go in and generally expected asap max 20 minutes to get in
the other job was online and you were expected to sort it there and then

The issue is you are telling him it is bothering you. There are solutions, but he’s refusing to acknowledge your feelings and preferences. He might not understand your preference but that’s not the point. He’s ignoring your needs. That’s not how marriage should work.

When I did on call I slept in the spare room, on call nights were busy and the calls could be quite complex. I stepped back from things that needed me to be somewhere (school run/kids clubs) because the nature of the calls meant I needed a degree of privacy because of stuff I wouldn’t want anyone overhearing so my DH picked up the load out of the house and I’d cover more housework.

If you’re being woken by him being on a call I’d move into the spare room.

If you want to sleep elsewhere that week, then do it. So many women here change their preference because their DH doesn’t like it. You can either disappoint him, or disappoint yourself. Why should his opinion be more important than your own?

I do on call, I don't sleep in the spare room but I do leave the bedroom to take calls and DH is a much heavier sleeper than me so it doesn't wake him. I have to be able to log in sometimes immediately to deal with an emergency (life and death, I work in criminal justice) so cannot do swimming lessons at they are not calls I can take in public and my laptop doesn't connect to public/visible WiFi and I need it to issue orders. I could usually do school runs unless I know something is brewing but my on call is 5pm to 8am points weekends so it's not usually an issue. I wouldn't take DS out on my own because sometimes I need to drop everything and go in and wouldn't have time to take DS home, again my work calls are not the kind of calls he should be hearing

We don’t have the option to sleep elsewhere but I would if we had a spare room; I quickly go downstairs and just say to the person on the phone to hold on as I don’t want to wake DH or the kids.
I also still go about my daily life but with a view that I may need DH to take over if I get a call.

It depends a little bit how often he’s called overnight on where he should sleep.

When I’m oncall(anaesthetist) I sleep in the main bed, if I get called I leave the room to take the call. If I know it’s going to be an awful night I sleep in the spare bedroom. If it’s going to be really awful I sleep at work.

Is there an issue with your spare bedroom that makes it less appealing to sleep in?

Your husband has no business telling you that you can’t sleep where you want to if you’re in need of peace and sleep.

He can shove that attitude.

Meh

It's once every 5 weeks. My thought is 'so what'

😀Not helpful but throughout our working lives both me and DH have had early starts when the other doesn't. We don't have a 'spare room' like everyone on here seems to. You just get up - don't put the light on - have clothes out ready.

That's it.

Depends on the job. Doctor or vet where he has to rush in at a moments notice for medical emergencies? Then he is not being unreasonable about his unavailability to help with the kids etc when he is on call. But if it's something like IT where a lot of it can be done over the phone and it's not life or death - then he is being unreasonable.

As for the night stuff though, yeah he should sleep in the other room when he has his phone on loud.