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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to answer the door about the neighbour's fence?

240 replies

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:40

I don't think I am BU but I feel a bit uneasy about this for some reason.

I came in from a lunch out about an hour ago and went upstairs to open the curtains in my bedroom - the room is south facing so I have been keeping the curtains drawn and wanted to let some cool evening air in before bed tonight. When I opened the curtain my neighbour, who lives at a right angle to me, was in her back garden with someone and was pointing at my house at the moment I opened the curtain. It was a little awkward and we made brief eye contact so I immediately looked away.

I then came downstairs and shortly after there was a knock at the door. I ignored it and it was repeated a couple of times. I could see through the slatted blinds that it was two men. They walked up the drive and paused, then came back down and knocked again a couple of times before finally giving up and going.

I'm sure it was the same neighbour (her partner) who was pointing at my house. There is a fence that blew down a couple of months ago and the man came round to nail it up shortly after it fell as they have a dog. He said it would need replacing and I thought to myself I would probably offer to pay halves though I didn't say anything as I didn't want to commit myself and it was a week night and I was cooking dinner. I don't care about the fence as I have no dog and there is a bush there that gives privacy. I know from my deeds that I'm not responsible but I'm happy to pay halves if it's a reasonable price and they do all the work. But I don't want to discuss it tonight as I've had a bit to drink and it's not urgent to me. I also don't like that they were pointing at my house and were persistent in knocking. AIBU not to have answered?

OP posts:
Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:43

that's just a nasty and faintly misogynistic comment
Do you know what misogynistic means?

@BudgetBuster Yes, do you know what faintly means?

OP posts:
TheGoodEnoughWife · 30/05/2026 20:43

Agreed. The natural assumption if they have seen you but you then do not open the door is that you haven’t heard them not that you don’t want to speak to them.

VIII · 30/05/2026 20:43

They knocked 4-6 times... That's hardly persistent.

Will you go over and talk to them tomorrow about the fence or are you just going to wait for them to come back and ignore them again?

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:42

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:40

No, it could easily mean you haven't heard the door Hmm

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But there was eye contact at the windows so its pretty obvious OP heard but just didn't want to answer the door.

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:41

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:40

Why though? Why should anyone have to do this???

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Basic manners?

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:41

Flipflopsandsunhat · 30/05/2026 20:38

'Persistent' knocking is the only sort of knocking on MN, no-one ever just knocks. So bizarre.

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They knocked 2 or 3 times, then went up the drive away from the door, conferred for a while then came back down and knocked a further 2 or 3 times. I'd say that's persistent. Something made them give up but then they changed their mind. Odd - on some level they had realised it was time to give up but then they started up again for some reason.

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 30/05/2026 20:41

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:39

By not answering the door, that's a pretty sure giveaway that you don't want to talk right now!!

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I wiuld assume that my neighbour was on the toilet or in the shower

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:40

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:40

Maybe they thought you hadn't heard them?

Next time, just answer, explain you're busy and ask them to come back another day.

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Why though? Why should anyone have to do this???

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:40

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:39

By not answering the door, that's a pretty sure giveaway that you don't want to talk right now!!

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No, it could easily mean you haven't heard the door Hmm

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:40

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:38

Umm, because I don't open the door???

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Maybe they thought you hadn't heard them?

Next time, just answer, explain you're busy and ask them to come back another day.

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:39

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:35

How are they supposed to know you don't want to unless you answer the door and tell them 😂

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By not answering the door, that's a pretty sure giveaway that you don't want to talk right now!!

BudgetBuster · 30/05/2026 20:39

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:28

Who cares what neighbour you'd want? I don't want neighbours pointing at my house, but hey. There's definitely nothing wrong with the house either, it will definitely be about the fence. And they have no reason to view me as a cranky cow - that's just a nasty and faintly misogynistic comment. I've spoken to them once - the time I opened the door while in the middle of cooking tea, and let the man into my garden to fix the fence so his garden was secure for his dog. not sure why that makes me the neighbour from hell.

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I don't want neighbours pointing at my house, but hey.
Then tell them that

And they have no reason to view me as a cranky cow
yes they do... they know that you were purposely avoiding them so yes I'd assume you were a crank

that's just a nasty and faintly misogynistic comment
Do you know what misogynistic means?

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:38

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:35

How are they supposed to know you don't want to unless you answer the door and tell them 😂

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Umm, because I don't open the door???

OP posts:
Flipflopsandsunhat · 30/05/2026 20:38

NotMeAtAll · 30/05/2026 19:52

If they knew you were in, their persistent knocking is no weirder than not answering the door. Of course you're perfectly entitled not to answer the door.

'Persistent' knocking is the only sort of knocking on MN, no-one ever just knocks. So bizarre.

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:37

@LaliqueSaltGrinder Why are you shouting at me? Are you ok? I have said I've opened the door and spoken to them before. It's not a case of I never open the door. I didn't want to tonight, I think that's ok and shouldn't lead to persistent knocking. What's wrong with coming back tomorrow or putting a note through, having assumed that now is not a good time for any one of a myriad of reasons why that may be the case.

OP posts:
TheGoodEnoughWife · 30/05/2026 20:36

Am sure as the neighbour has a dog they want to get the fence sorted and probably the people fixing the fence were knocking out of courtesy. To not answer is just a bit off. Little hassle to you but gets them on the way to it being fixed. You behaved awkwardly and a bit annoying to be honest.

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:35

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:31

I haven't spent time wondering what they wanted. I know what they almost certainly wanted - to talk about the fence - and think it's rude they tried to insist on talking about it tonight when I really don't want to.

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How are they supposed to know you don't want to unless you answer the door and tell them 😂

KilkennyCats · 30/05/2026 20:35

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:31

I haven't spent time wondering what they wanted. I know what they almost certainly wanted - to talk about the fence - and think it's rude they tried to insist on talking about it tonight when I really don't want to.

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You sound absolutely ridiculous.
Of course it wasn’t rude of them to try to discuss just because you didn’t want to! How would they have known this?
If you’d opened the flaming door and told them they’d have gone on their merry way.

LaliqueSaltGrinder · 30/05/2026 20:33

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:50

Well, yes. If you opened your curtains to find a neighbour pointing up at your house wouldn't you find it a bit strange? And followed by persistent knocking at the door even more so?

I did this to my neighbour to tell her that a tile had flown off her roof and was lying in my garden.

The absolute obssession around not answering your door is so weird. Just SPEAK TO PEOPLE.

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:31

G5000 · 30/05/2026 20:25

oh, you need access from neighbour's side? We should go check with her then (gestures in the direction of the house they are talking about). perfectly normal.

What is weird is to hide and ignore repeated knocking and then spend time wondering what they might have wanted.

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I haven't spent time wondering what they wanted. I know what they almost certainly wanted - to talk about the fence - and think it's rude they tried to insist on talking about it tonight when I really don't want to.

OP posts:
Livpool · 30/05/2026 20:31

YABU

Mumsnet is notoriously weird about not answering the door

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:28

JustABean · 30/05/2026 20:20

Using excuses to be difficult, they saw you were in probably thought nip over and your looking like an awkward neighbour I wouldn't want to have tbh

Who cares what neighbour you'd want? I don't want neighbours pointing at my house, but hey. There's definitely nothing wrong with the house either, it will definitely be about the fence. And they have no reason to view me as a cranky cow - that's just a nasty and faintly misogynistic comment. I've spoken to them once - the time I opened the door while in the middle of cooking tea, and let the man into my garden to fix the fence so his garden was secure for his dog. not sure why that makes me the neighbour from hell.

OP posts:
MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:28

I think they should have written a letter to OP. Knocking on the door is imposing.

CandidRobin · 30/05/2026 20:27

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:54

But they only knew I was in because they were staring at the house when I opened the curtain, which is odd in itself. Just because someone is in doesn't mean they have to open the door. Why would you not conclude it's not a good time and go away before multiple knockings?

No, i would assume the person couldn't hear the knocking so would knock again. If it wasn't a good time, I'd imagine someone would open the door and say so. I'd be too embarrassed not to open the door when I knew they'd seen that I was in. Who knows, they may have noticed something about your property that they wanted to draw your attention to like missing roof tiles or something which could have explained the pointing.

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:26

IPM · 30/05/2026 20:24

Lol

You make it sound like they shinned up her drainpipe and tried to climb through the window 🫣

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😂

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