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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU not to answer the door about the neighbour's fence?

240 replies

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:40

I don't think I am BU but I feel a bit uneasy about this for some reason.

I came in from a lunch out about an hour ago and went upstairs to open the curtains in my bedroom - the room is south facing so I have been keeping the curtains drawn and wanted to let some cool evening air in before bed tonight. When I opened the curtain my neighbour, who lives at a right angle to me, was in her back garden with someone and was pointing at my house at the moment I opened the curtain. It was a little awkward and we made brief eye contact so I immediately looked away.

I then came downstairs and shortly after there was a knock at the door. I ignored it and it was repeated a couple of times. I could see through the slatted blinds that it was two men. They walked up the drive and paused, then came back down and knocked again a couple of times before finally giving up and going.

I'm sure it was the same neighbour (her partner) who was pointing at my house. There is a fence that blew down a couple of months ago and the man came round to nail it up shortly after it fell as they have a dog. He said it would need replacing and I thought to myself I would probably offer to pay halves though I didn't say anything as I didn't want to commit myself and it was a week night and I was cooking dinner. I don't care about the fence as I have no dog and there is a bush there that gives privacy. I know from my deeds that I'm not responsible but I'm happy to pay halves if it's a reasonable price and they do all the work. But I don't want to discuss it tonight as I've had a bit to drink and it's not urgent to me. I also don't like that they were pointing at my house and were persistent in knocking. AIBU not to have answered?

OP posts:
PepsiBook · 30/05/2026 21:24

Don't give it a second thought.
You do not HAVE to answer the door. Ot doesn't mean you're being a cow. You may have just got in the bath for all they know.

Dahliasrule · 30/05/2026 21:21

Perhaps they were pointing at your house as there was some problem. Our neighbours told us about our leaking overflow which we were very grateful about as the water company had been telling us for ages we had a leak which we couldn’t find.

Nearly50omg · 30/05/2026 21:13

If you open the door and they make a comment just say you didn’t want to open the door and surely the fact that you didn’t answer told them that! You don’t HAVE to open the door just because a man knocks on it!! Especially when it’s about their fence and it’s their problem! DONT offer to pay half for the fence if you don’t own it then it’s their issue! They want it repaired because they have a dog and it doesn’t bother you 🤷‍♀️ Point out to them the fence is their responsibility not yours and they can carry on replacing or repairing it as long as you aren’t disturbed/disrupted

Ludmilaandthelonely · 30/05/2026 21:11

OP , you say you've had 'a bit to drink'. Maybe look at this again tomorrow.

Bethany83 · 30/05/2026 21:09

I seem to be alone here O.P but if you didn't want to answer your door at that time to talk about what you think was likely the fence that's more than fine I think! Xxx

VIII · 30/05/2026 21:05

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:55

I'm sorry, @VIII - No, I won't go over to talk about the fence as I don't care about it so I'm not going to go out of my way about it. If they knock I will answer, just like I did the last time. They have knocked twice (that I know of) and I have answered once, so no need to assume I will never answer again. i just don't want to tonight.

Well by your own admission you answered once and have refused to answer today even though they know you're in. How are they to know you will answer if they knock again? Let's hope the 50% of the time you refuse to answer for absolutely no logical reason it's not an emergency.

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 21:05

Don’t expect the nice side to face your garden though 😆

There is nothing in this world I care less about and anyway I have already said it's largely covered by a bush, so you can keep your emoji as it really won't be that funny if they put a fence up the 'wrong way round' for me. I will be very happy if it is sorted with minimal disruption to me.

Much better to start a thread on the internet to discuss this with strangers than have a grown up adult conversation with your neighbour

Well you are on the site and replying to the thread @AgnesMcDoo , so presumably you do have some insight into why people sometimes prefer to converse online with strangers rather than talking to the people involved in the various situations they find themselves in.

OP posts:
CaesarAugusta · 30/05/2026 21:03

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:57

omg - I don't open the curtains with my eyes shut. I had to be looking somewhere and I saw them - pointing at my house with a stranger. But that's fine apparently.
I think persistent knocking is incredibly rude.

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For all you know they were pointing to something like loose roof tiles and wanted to let you know. Or it was the person who will be mending the fence, and they were just pointing at the house whose owner needs to give permission for access on the other side.

Refusing to answer the door for no sensible reason is what is incredibly rude.

AgnesMcDoo · 30/05/2026 21:02

Definitely strange behaviour going on. Very odd.

But not from the neighbours

Tink3rbell30 · 30/05/2026 20:59

For goodness sake. Go and knock and ask them what they wanted.

chillyputsomesockson · 30/05/2026 20:59

Classic case of OP asking AIBU? Majority response “Yes you are” , OP “No I’m not!”.
why have you started this thread?
if I’d had written this OP then read the responses I’d think “Oh ok I can understand now that the neighbours knew I was home so that’s why they knocked a couple of times. I’ll try and speak to them tomorrow.”

Regards the fence, if you don’t want to contribute you don’t have to. The can put a secure fence up their side of the boundary. Don’t expect the nice side to face your garden though 😆

AgnesMcDoo · 30/05/2026 20:58

Much better to start a thread on the internet to discuss this with strangers than have a grown up adult conversation with your neighbour

ASeriesOfTubes · 30/05/2026 20:58

What kind of lunch goes on until 6:00PM-ish also misses the point of this thread?

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:55

I'm sorry, @VIII - No, I won't go over to talk about the fence as I don't care about it so I'm not going to go out of my way about it. If they knock I will answer, just like I did the last time. They have knocked twice (that I know of) and I have answered once, so no need to assume I will never answer again. i just don't want to tonight.

OP posts:
HelloCheekyCat · 30/05/2026 20:54

You don't need to pay half for the fence if it's theirs misses the point of this thread

VIII · 30/05/2026 20:51

I notice you ignored my question...

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:50

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:42

But there was eye contact at the windows so its pretty obvious OP heard but just didn't want to answer the door.

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The eye contact was before the knocking had started and not connected. They saw me in my bedroom so maybe one assumption they could have made would have been that I had gone to bed and maybe that was why I wasn't answering the door.

@VIII 4-6 times isn't persistent??? Of course it is. When I knock, I do it three times, max. then basic manners/common sense tells me either the person isn't in or they don't want to answer and I need to respect that.

@tiramisugelato What has basic manners got to do with it? I am in my own home and don't need to exercise manners to someone knocking the door unsolicited- beyond not shouting 'fuck off,' which I didn't do. Basic manners should have told them that for whatever reason I wasn't answering and they needed to respect that. Not keep on and on knocking.

OP posts:
tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:48

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:46

I disagree. Rude of someone to keep on knocking on someone's door because they demand response at their time regardless of what is going on in that person's home.

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Nobody's demanding anything. They knocked repeatedly because they knew OP was home and assumed she couldn't hear them 😂

HGP · 30/05/2026 20:48

I’m really not sure why you’re telling MN about this but each to their own.

I once knocked on a neighbours door because there was smoke billowing out from their roof. Luckily they answered, just putting that out there…

mondaytosunday · 30/05/2026 20:46

That’s weird. I mean you are weird. If I opened my curtains and see the neighbour I’d give them a wave! Then to not answer the door when they know you are there? You are the one acting strange! Persistent knocking is because they may have very reasonably thought you must not have heard them.
Just about everyone has said they were not being odd you were. Accept the majority opinion.
However, you are certainly within your rights to not open the door (whether it’s because you don’t have time or energy considering the amount of time spent on this thread is debatable). I’d go around tomorrow and say ‘hi sorry I was on the phone last night (or taking a shower or cooking dinner or whatever) but do you need to talk to me? Is this about the fence’?
As for pointing at your house…. I talk with my hands, and if I’m referring to a neighbour I do gesture towards their house, it’s automatic.

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:46

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:41

Basic manners?

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I disagree. Rude of someone to keep on knocking on someone's door because they demand response at their time regardless of what is going on in that person's home.

BudgetBuster · 30/05/2026 20:45

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:43

that's just a nasty and faintly misogynistic comment
Do you know what misogynistic means?

@BudgetBuster Yes, do you know what faintly means?

I don't indeed.
But ther was nothing FAINTLY or otherwise misogynistic about the previous posters comment. Literally nothing.

TooOrangey · 30/05/2026 20:44

I’m you know from your deeds the fence is not yours, why are you happy to pay half?

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:44

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:42

But there was eye contact at the windows so its pretty obvious OP heard but just didn't want to answer the door.

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Or she could have gone outside, or into a room where she couldn't hear the door. I can't hear anyone knocking on our front door if I have the stairs doors closed or if I'm out in the garden.

BudgetBuster · 30/05/2026 20:44

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:41

They knocked 2 or 3 times, then went up the drive away from the door, conferred for a while then came back down and knocked a further 2 or 3 times. I'd say that's persistent. Something made them give up but then they changed their mind. Odd - on some level they had realised it was time to give up but then they started up again for some reason.

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That isn't persistent 😂

Honestly don't be drinking and coming on Mumsnet. You can't even think straight.