Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to answer the door about the neighbour's fence?

240 replies

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:40

I don't think I am BU but I feel a bit uneasy about this for some reason.

I came in from a lunch out about an hour ago and went upstairs to open the curtains in my bedroom - the room is south facing so I have been keeping the curtains drawn and wanted to let some cool evening air in before bed tonight. When I opened the curtain my neighbour, who lives at a right angle to me, was in her back garden with someone and was pointing at my house at the moment I opened the curtain. It was a little awkward and we made brief eye contact so I immediately looked away.

I then came downstairs and shortly after there was a knock at the door. I ignored it and it was repeated a couple of times. I could see through the slatted blinds that it was two men. They walked up the drive and paused, then came back down and knocked again a couple of times before finally giving up and going.

I'm sure it was the same neighbour (her partner) who was pointing at my house. There is a fence that blew down a couple of months ago and the man came round to nail it up shortly after it fell as they have a dog. He said it would need replacing and I thought to myself I would probably offer to pay halves though I didn't say anything as I didn't want to commit myself and it was a week night and I was cooking dinner. I don't care about the fence as I have no dog and there is a bush there that gives privacy. I know from my deeds that I'm not responsible but I'm happy to pay halves if it's a reasonable price and they do all the work. But I don't want to discuss it tonight as I've had a bit to drink and it's not urgent to me. I also don't like that they were pointing at my house and were persistent in knocking. AIBU not to have answered?

OP posts:
GardenCovent · 30/05/2026 22:16

SmoothCollie · 30/05/2026 19:46

All this over a knock on the door. This website is like a different world.

This.
I’ve never know anyone in real life that acts like mumsnetters who refuse to open their door if the caller hasn’t put the request in writing 28 days prior.
Just bizarre

BudgetBuster · 30/05/2026 22:12

LivingTheDreamish · 30/05/2026 22:11

I think it's totally okay to not answer the door to two men you don't know if it's not a good time for you to engage.

One of the men was her neighbour...

RapunzelHadExtensions · 30/05/2026 22:12

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 30/05/2026 20:09

Good grief. If you’d just answered the door you’d know what it was all about! Who knows why they were pointing, perhaps they like your windows? Who knows? Who cares. I despair with some of the ridiculous behaviour on MN.

It's mad isn't it 😂

LivingTheDreamish · 30/05/2026 22:11

I think it's totally okay to not answer the door to two men you don't know if it's not a good time for you to engage.

hahabahbag · 30/05/2026 22:11

They were probably pointing to your house to tell the contractor giving them an estimate which house they back onto, he then came to know to tell you that they were proceeding with the work and perhaps because they needed access into your garden to install the fence, they would seek permission to do so and check dates when you can accommodate this. All this over them indicating which house a boundary is with!

21ZIGGY · 30/05/2026 22:06

Batshit

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 30/05/2026 22:03

youalright · 30/05/2026 21:32

Not at all i was pointing at multiple neighbours houses earlier today as I was talking to a friend about what style of windows me and partner have been discussing and was pointing at the neighbours windows I liked and didn't like

Show quote history

You absolute hellhound.

One of the neighbours has slightly annoyed me recently.

Tomorrow, I'm going to stand in the middle of the cul de sac, and point silently and menacingly at his house.

Just to mess with him.

Notsosweetcaroline · 30/05/2026 21:49

TeenLifeMum · 30/05/2026 21:41

Oh my life, you were home and someone knocked on your door. Normal response is to open it, have a brief conversation then say goodbye and close the door. Mn is so odd about social norms.

I know in real,life, see neighbour pointing at your house, wave, smile, whatever.
neighbour knocks at door. , answer it deal with it pleasantly or say you will pop round tomorrow.

on mumsnet.

see neighbour pointing at house, quickly look away.feel awkward. Neighbour knocks at door. Hide, don’t answer it, watch them from your hiding spot. Start a thread on mumsnet to ask opinion on uour behaviour and take issue as you don’t like people pointing at your house and angrily demand neighbour should have telepathically known you were hiding and watching them and didn’t want to answer. And why .

viques · 30/05/2026 21:43

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:54

But they only knew I was in because they were staring at the house when I opened the curtain, which is odd in itself. Just because someone is in doesn't mean they have to open the door. Why would you not conclude it's not a good time and go away before multiple knockings?

Because I am not psychic.

I would probably think “oh she’s stuck on the loo poor soul, must be really constipated.”

Rather than “that’s odd I saw her a minute ago, hope she is just being weird and hasn’t fallen downstairs and broken her neck.”

Withthe2Ls · 30/05/2026 21:42

😂😂😂😂😂😂
I enjoyed this. Think that drink went a little to your head tonight to feel you need to tell MN you didn’t aster a knock at your door. FFS

KilkennyCats · 30/05/2026 21:41

chillyputsomesockson · 30/05/2026 21:40

So just tell them that you’re not bothered about a fence, if they want to put one up their side then they should go ahead. They’re only being polite to see if you have any opinion on it. Seriously op you sound like very hard work.

Show quote history

They probably just want permission to enter her garden to do the work.

TeenLifeMum · 30/05/2026 21:41

Oh my life, you were home and someone knocked on your door. Normal response is to open it, have a brief conversation then say goodbye and close the door. Mn is so odd about social norms.

chillyputsomesockson · 30/05/2026 21:40

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 21:34

It's not a mutual problem.

So just tell them that you’re not bothered about a fence, if they want to put one up their side then they should go ahead. They’re only being polite to see if you have any opinion on it. Seriously op you sound like very hard work.

HelenaWaiting · 30/05/2026 21:38

AgnesMcDoo · 30/05/2026 20:58

Much better to start a thread on the internet to discuss this with strangers than have a grown up adult conversation with your neighbour

Edited

Unless I misunderstood, it wasn't her neighbour at the door though. It was two randoms. If it was about the fence, that's pretty rude, imo. The neighbour should be speaking to her directly, not sending workmen round.

Inmyuggs · 30/05/2026 21:37

Better to deal with it than avoid it because as a responsible dog owner thry want to secure the yard.
Qhy not go over and get it sorted.
You will offer to pay half.
Pointing i would of waved back.

SquirrelGG · 30/05/2026 21:37

SmoothCollie · 30/05/2026 19:46

All this over a knock on the door. This website is like a different world.

Yep, sometimes I feel like I've strayed into a parallel universe on here!

Slightyamusedandsilly · 30/05/2026 21:37

You're under no obligation to open the door if you don't want to. Just like you don't have to answer the phone if you're not in the mood, or respond to messages until you're ready.

I don't answer the door in the evening after a certain time. Not because I'm scared or bothered, but because I'm relaxing after a hard day and don't want to deal other people.

And frankly, if the neighbour had booked to have someone come round to measure up, if she'd wanted your input, she would have been sensible to let you know when they were coming in case you wanted to talk to them. She was daft to assume that just because that time was convenient for her, that it was convenient for you.

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 21:34

It's not a mutual problem.

OP posts:
Winewolfhywls · 30/05/2026 21:34

Think you would come across as rude tbh, the neighbour is taking steps to fix a mutual problem and you won't answer the door. You could have at least said, sorry it's not a good time but if you put a note through I'll have a look tomorrow

youalright · 30/05/2026 21:32

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:50

Well, yes. If you opened your curtains to find a neighbour pointing up at your house wouldn't you find it a bit strange? And followed by persistent knocking at the door even more so?

Not at all i was pointing at multiple neighbours houses earlier today as I was talking to a friend about what style of windows me and partner have been discussing and was pointing at the neighbours windows I liked and didn't like

Neverwatchedgameofthrones · 30/05/2026 21:30

You are overreacting due to being pissed.

ThatJadeLion · 30/05/2026 21:29

YANBU. You don't have to answer your door. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

chillyputsomesockson · 30/05/2026 21:29

You sound unhinged OP the more you write. I think it’s time you switched your phone off and went to bed.

Notsosweetcaroline · 30/05/2026 21:28

How much have you had to drink? It’s all a bit cringe, don’t like them pointing at your house, hiding and not answering the door.

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 21:25

I'm 99% certain there is no issue with my house that they can see from their garden. However, if there is, surely they would put a note through if I didn't answer the door to them. That is certainly what I would do in that situation. Unless people think it's 'basic manners' to withhold crucial information about someone's house if they snub you by failing to answer the door for some reason you are unaware of?

OP posts: