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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to answer the door about the neighbour's fence?

240 replies

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:40

I don't think I am BU but I feel a bit uneasy about this for some reason.

I came in from a lunch out about an hour ago and went upstairs to open the curtains in my bedroom - the room is south facing so I have been keeping the curtains drawn and wanted to let some cool evening air in before bed tonight. When I opened the curtain my neighbour, who lives at a right angle to me, was in her back garden with someone and was pointing at my house at the moment I opened the curtain. It was a little awkward and we made brief eye contact so I immediately looked away.

I then came downstairs and shortly after there was a knock at the door. I ignored it and it was repeated a couple of times. I could see through the slatted blinds that it was two men. They walked up the drive and paused, then came back down and knocked again a couple of times before finally giving up and going.

I'm sure it was the same neighbour (her partner) who was pointing at my house. There is a fence that blew down a couple of months ago and the man came round to nail it up shortly after it fell as they have a dog. He said it would need replacing and I thought to myself I would probably offer to pay halves though I didn't say anything as I didn't want to commit myself and it was a week night and I was cooking dinner. I don't care about the fence as I have no dog and there is a bush there that gives privacy. I know from my deeds that I'm not responsible but I'm happy to pay halves if it's a reasonable price and they do all the work. But I don't want to discuss it tonight as I've had a bit to drink and it's not urgent to me. I also don't like that they were pointing at my house and were persistent in knocking. AIBU not to have answered?

OP posts:
suburberphobe · 31/05/2026 04:49

You sound very paranoid OP.....

footbeds · 31/05/2026 02:34

This surely isn’t meant to be in AIBU as the OP doesn’t see anything wrong with her behaviour 😆😆😆

Brokentoes85 · 31/05/2026 02:25

Not unreasonable at all. You're under no obligation to open the door.

Ignore all the nasty comments.

JustGiveMeReason · 31/05/2026 00:53

Not really.
Unless you are the local exhibitionist.
Why would you go into your bedroom, and then open the curtains if you were getting undressed to have a bath or shower ? Confused

It also seems a pretty unlikely scenario that you were getting into bed at 7.30 in the evening, particularly starting that by - once again - opening curtains that were originally shut.

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 31/05/2026 00:43

they knew you were in (and awake); you knew that they knew you were in and awake.

Not really - they saw me in my bedroom so it was quite likely I had gone to sleep/had a bath or shower in the 5 or so minutes between seeing me and knocking the door.

OP posts:
JustGiveMeReason · 31/05/2026 00:26

YABcompletelyU

I think it is just weird to not open your door generally, but in this particular case, they knew you were in (and awake); you knew that they knew you were in and awake. Obviously they assumed you hadn't heard the first couple of times. Then maybe they thought - perhaps she went to the toilet or something, we'll give her a minute, then knock again. It wouldn't occur to any normal, sane person to hide in their own house, from a neighbour who you've never had any disagreement with or felt threatened by, who knows you are in.

People congratulating themselves on answering the door - has there never ever been a time when you didn't for some reason?

I mean, I don't think anyone is "congratulating" themselves, but the only time I've not opened the door when I've heard it is if I am in the bath. Which you weren't.

Vodka1 · 31/05/2026 00:18

Are you sure you didn't offer them money for the fence before?

I don't get why you would just assume it would be neighborly to offer half towards a fence that isn't yours but not answer the door to tell them this?

It's ok to not answer the door but you seem to have narrated a whole conversation about exactly what it was about, without knowing.

The whole situation is odd, you opened your curtains and looked at them just as they was looking at you but then didn't answer the door but know it must be about the fence, but you've not spoken to them about it other than to let them in to fix it before?

Seriously12 · 31/05/2026 00:13

OP, yanbu.
You didn't want to answer your door, your choice.
I wouldn't offer anything at all.
Its their fence, their responsibility.
If they show you figures, think about it.
But do not offer straight off.

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 31/05/2026 00:12

I won't open the door tonight.

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 31/05/2026 00:08

Liesmorelies · 31/05/2026 00:06

To be neighbourly!

Show quote history

From someone who won’t open the door 😆

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 31/05/2026 00:06

TheMixedGirl · 31/05/2026 00:02

Why would yoy pay half if the fence is not your responsibility?

To be neighbourly!

OP posts:
TheMixedGirl · 31/05/2026 00:02

Why would yoy pay half if the fence is not your responsibility?

Jossse · 31/05/2026 00:00

I wouldn’t have opened my door either. They could put a note through. It’s not always convenient to speak to others when they want. Especially if you’d had a drink.
dint beat yourself up. They’ll come back if it’s important or put a note through.

canklesmctacotits · 30/05/2026 23:50

No man is an island - except for Liesmorelies 😂.

I’ve read some batshit things on here over the last 15 years but “I didn’t like them pointing at my house” is on another level 😂. OP doesn’t even sound drunk!

Floatlikeafeather2 · 30/05/2026 23:43

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:40

Why though? Why should anyone have to do this???

Show quote history

Because most people would have the manners to.

OneNavyPoster · 30/05/2026 23:37

Perfectly reasonable to not answer the door. Your house, your rules. You could have gone to bed with a migraine, run a bath, be on a long distance phone call, working, just not want to talk to people now... and a million other completely rational reasons.

I would always go round with a note so if the door isn't answered I can leave a note instead, so no guesswork. No one has the right to come and round and keep knocking and demand that you answer them. You have the right to privacy in your own home.

RaininSummer · 30/05/2026 23:34

Seems quite weird to me not to answer especially as they knew you were home.

RumPidgeon · 30/05/2026 23:18

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:54

But they only knew I was in because they were staring at the house when I opened the curtain, which is odd in itself. Just because someone is in doesn't mean they have to open the door. Why would you not conclude it's not a good time and go away before multiple knockings?

Why did you come on here and can’t accept the majority of the responses stating you were being unreasonable??

Okay so you had a drink but my God why couldn’t you just open the door and let them have a quick chat? Drop your neighbour a little note stating you weren’t able to respond when the workmen knocked but are available xyz and leave your number so no one knocks on your door. MN is wild sometimes.. 😳🤯

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 23:16

Only on Mumsnet is it sometimes not convenient not to answer the door? Ok then. People congratulating themselves on answering the door - has there never ever been a time when you didn't for some reason? I said I answered it last time so why the need to explain how great it is answering the door as if I've never done it? I've definitely knocked the doors of people I've been pretty sure have been in but got no reply. I've just assumed they were busy and gone back the next day without labelling them weird, hard work, cows or hags.

OP posts:
suki1964 · 30/05/2026 23:07

Only on MN is it normal not to open the door to a ring or knock

In my world I answer the door, - salesman - sorry not interested , bye - neightbour - hear them out and then decide course of action - invite in for a cuppa, say you have caught me at a bad time, let me get back to you - but I answer the flipping door

HomeSeeker2025 · 30/05/2026 22:59

Unhinged behaviour! So glad my neighbours are fairly normal!

CombatBarbie · 30/05/2026 22:51

Could they have been insurance surveyors??? They clearly knew you were in and you acted like a.weirdo and dont want to have to come out again. It would prob have been a 3 min conversation.

We need to replace the fence but will need access to.your side in order to do so....

Ok yes thats fine.

Job done.

But I find people who dont open doors when they are knocked on kinda weird anyway.

Applecup · 30/05/2026 22:41

Absolutely bonkers

elfendom1 · 30/05/2026 22:21

you don't have to answer the door if you don't feel like it. Don't worry about it.

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 22:18

As I said in the OP, I could only see that the door knockers were 2 men, not who they were. I am assuming one of them was the neighbour but I don't know for sure.

OP posts:
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