AIBU not to answer the door about the neighbour's fence?

Liesmorelies · 2026-05-30T18:40:24+00:00

I don't think I am BU but I feel a bit uneasy about this for some reason. I came in from a lunch out about an hour ago and went upstairs to open the curtains in my bedroom - the room is south facing so I have been keeping the curtains drawn and wanted to let some cool evening air in before bed tonight. When I opened the curtain my neighbour, who lives at a right angle to me, was in her back garden with someone and was pointing at my house at the moment I opened the curtain. It was a little awkward and we made brief eye contact so I immediately looked away. I then came downstairs and shortly after there was a knock at the door. I ignored it and it was repeated a couple of times. I could see through the slatted blinds that it was two men. They walked up the drive and paused, then came back down and knocked again a couple of times before finally giving up and going. I'm sure it was the same neighbour (her partner) who was pointing at my house. There is a fence that blew down a couple of months ago and the man came round to nail it up shortly after it fell as they have a dog. He said it would need replacing and I thought to myself I would probably offer to pay halves though I didn't say anything as I didn't want to commit myself and it was a week night and I was cooking dinner. I don't care about the fence as I have no dog and there is a bush there that gives privacy. I know from my deeds that I'm not responsible but I'm happy to pay halves if it's a reasonable price and they do all the work. But I don't want to discuss it tonight as I've had a bit to drink and it's not urgent to me. I also don't like that they were pointing at my house and were persistent in knocking. AIBU not to have answered?

Friendlygingercat · 31/07/2026 11:08

You are perfectly entitled not to answer the door if its not convenient. Get a ring door bell. You can look on the app to see who it is before you commit yourself. If you don't like the look of them just stay quiet. If you think it might be important answer on the app. You can always say "oh I'm away from home right now and your breaking up ...."if it turns out to be a boring nuisance.

Ring type phones are worth their weight in gold if you live alone and hate neighbours and random callers as much as I do.One of the good things about being old is I can always get off with "not hearing" the bell. Weaponised incompetence is the way to go.

LuckyHazelFox · 21/06/2026 15:39

JustGiveMeReason · 21/06/2026 15:24

I have no idea why people were so outraged by this. Especially all the people acting like I've never opened my door and never will, even though I literally said in the OP I'd opened it last time they came and just didn't want to that particular night.

I don't think anyone has been outraged.
People were
a) answering your question
b) pointing out that your neighbours were perfectly reasonable to want to mention it to you before beginning work and perfectly reasonable to have an expectation you would answer the door as you were not only in the house, but that you knew that they knew you were in the house.

Your update has proved everyone right. Your neighbours are perfectly reasonable people who just wanted to to be polite and mention it to you before doing work that means they might have to stand on your property briefly whilst it was being done. So absolutely no reason for you to have been so odd and awkward in the first place.

Don't burst the OP's bubble. She's almost convinced us all WE were being unreasonable.

JustGiveMeReason · 21/06/2026 15:24

I have no idea why people were so outraged by this. Especially all the people acting like I've never opened my door and never will, even though I literally said in the OP I'd opened it last time they came and just didn't want to that particular night.

I don't think anyone has been outraged.
People were
a) answering your question
b) pointing out that your neighbours were perfectly reasonable to want to mention it to you before beginning work and perfectly reasonable to have an expectation you would answer the door as you were not only in the house, but that you knew that they knew you were in the house.

Your update has proved everyone right. Your neighbours are perfectly reasonable people who just wanted to to be polite and mention it to you before doing work that means they might have to stand on your property briefly whilst it was being done. So absolutely no reason for you to have been so odd and awkward in the first place.

Fridgemanageress · 21/06/2026 13:29

If you’re not responsible for the fence, don’t set a precedent to help towards the fence!

Next time they ask you, you that’s my fences, and that one is yours, now, please excuse, I have alot things to do.

BudgetBuster · 21/06/2026 13:23

Floatlikeafeather2 · 21/06/2026 11:35

I don't understand why, if you were so sure your behaviour wasn't odd, you felt you had to make a thread asking others if it might be. If you were genuinely sure what you had done was fine, it wouldn't even have occurred to you to seek others' opinions.

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I don't understand why, if you were so sure your behaviour wasn't odd, you felt you had to make a thread asking others if it might be.
Because she was drunk 😂

Notsosweetcaroline · 21/06/2026 13:20

Seriously12 · 20/06/2026 22:13

Not the least bit surprised by your update OP.

Unfortunately your thread drew the usual nasties that love to give an OP a kicking any chance they get.

You were not the least bit unreasonable not to answer your door if it didn't suit.

Good luck.

From a fellow door unopener I assume 😂

I also don’t know what this thread was about, and I’m also not surprised by your update and you didn’t offer to contribute. Of course you don’t need to open your door when you see your neighbour knocking and know you’re in, and no when you bear no responsibility you don’t need to offer to contribute.

was your behaviour odd, yes of course, you were drunk and hiding from your neighbours, starting a thread on mumsnet asking if you were unreasonable and then arguing you were not, which seems utterly bizzare to me. Why ask.

Floatlikeafeather2 · 21/06/2026 11:35

Liesmorelies · 20/06/2026 22:10

An update? No problem - we spoke over the fence a few days later and they said they are getting the fence permanently replaced and would need access when they do. I said my side gate can be opened from the outside and they can do that any time if I''m not in and they said ok, thanks. I didn't mention paying as they seemed to have it all sorted and I didn't get a sense that they were expecting me to (my deeds show no responsibility on any side, so if theirs are similar it might make sense for us to share). I also didn't get a sense they thought I was a raging weirdo or rude for not answering that night, and they also didn't seem annoyed. It's quite dull really but I have no idea why people were so outraged by this. Especially all the people acting like I've never opened my door and never will, even though I literally said in the OP I'd opened it last time they came and just didn't want to that particular night.

I don't understand why, if you were so sure your behaviour wasn't odd, you felt you had to make a thread asking others if it might be. If you were genuinely sure what you had done was fine, it wouldn't even have occurred to you to seek others' opinions.

Seriously12 · 20/06/2026 22:13

Not the least bit surprised by your update OP.

Unfortunately your thread drew the usual nasties that love to give an OP a kicking any chance they get.

You were not the least bit unreasonable not to answer your door if it didn't suit.

Good luck.

Original poster

Liesmorelies · 20/06/2026 22:10

An update? No problem - we spoke over the fence a few days later and they said they are getting the fence permanently replaced and would need access when they do. I said my side gate can be opened from the outside and they can do that any time if I''m not in and they said ok, thanks. I didn't mention paying as they seemed to have it all sorted and I didn't get a sense that they were expecting me to (my deeds show no responsibility on any side, so if theirs are similar it might make sense for us to share). I also didn't get a sense they thought I was a raging weirdo or rude for not answering that night, and they also didn't seem annoyed. It's quite dull really but I have no idea why people were so outraged by this. Especially all the people acting like I've never opened my door and never will, even though I literally said in the OP I'd opened it last time they came and just didn't want to that particular night.

OP posts:

Seeingadistance · 20/06/2026 21:20

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:41

They knocked 2 or 3 times, then went up the drive away from the door, conferred for a while then came back down and knocked a further 2 or 3 times. I'd say that's persistent. Something made them give up but then they changed their mind. Odd - on some level they had realised it was time to give up but then they started up again for some reason.

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I'd be thinking there was maybe something quite serious or important that they wanted to tell me - a problem with my house - a wasps' nest or maybe they someone suspicious hanging around while you were out ...

LuckyHazelFox · 20/06/2026 21:13

Scarlettpixie · 20/06/2026 19:32

When I had my fence replaced, I popped round to the neighbours to let them know. I didn’t expect them to pay as it’s my fence but wanted to let them know when so they could secure their dog and because the guys might need to step on their garden. No issues. When the other side did theirs, they popped round to say its in hand (they rent) and they propped it up to secure our dog which I appreciated. These are normal neighbour interactions. No sweat. No need to avoid anyone. Your issue with the pointing is just weird. People gesture. It means nothing. Have you spoken to them since you posted?

Yes, it would be great to get an update 😆

Scarlettpixie · 20/06/2026 19:32

When I had my fence replaced, I popped round to the neighbours to let them know. I didn’t expect them to pay as it’s my fence but wanted to let them know when so they could secure their dog and because the guys might need to step on their garden. No issues. When the other side did theirs, they popped round to say its in hand (they rent) and they propped it up to secure our dog which I appreciated. These are normal neighbour interactions. No sweat. No need to avoid anyone. Your issue with the pointing is just weird. People gesture. It means nothing. Have you spoken to them since you posted?

PeoplesNet · 20/06/2026 19:17

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:54

But they only knew I was in because they were staring at the house when I opened the curtain, which is odd in itself. Just because someone is in doesn't mean they have to open the door. Why would you not conclude it's not a good time and go away before multiple knockings?

All the people on here who have never experienced anxiety. I have done this and still do sometimes(!) Just so you know: you definitely were being 'weird' (/ anxious) and it's something you need to work on. Facing things head on. Being assertive. But yeah, wish men would have a think and not knock on women's doors in pairs, ffs! They don't help.

Regarding the fence: why on earth are you going to offer half? You don't need or want it and you said it's not on your land, as per the deeds. So, if they want a fence on their land.. let them build and pay for one? That's so odd. Imagine it keeps blowing down. Are you going to keep paying half? Will you have any rights over it? I wouldn't be paying for that.

DBSFstupid · 02/06/2026 02:12

Ironfloor269 · 31/05/2026 12:12

Wtf have I just read? Going by OP’s responses this morning, it might not have been the booze talking last night either. She is just batshit bonkers. But keep them coming, OP. I’m loving the laughs 😆

😂

trueredstart · 01/06/2026 20:40

Boy, some people really find life so tough.

Panda69 · 01/06/2026 20:10

OP there are many many people that would react the same way as you...up to you if you dont feel in mood to answer door, or phone,and people can be rude expecting to have access to you and your time at their demand,on their time frame...I dont know why you have had so many people feel the need to be twats! It reflects on them,not you!

LuckyHazelFox · 01/06/2026 19:50

CombatBarbie · 01/06/2026 19:40

🤣🤣🤣 you won't because you are going to forever reminded on MN as being "that person" when a door knock or neighbour dispute comes up....

😆 🤣

CombatBarbie · 01/06/2026 19:40

🤣🤣🤣 you won't because you are going to forever reminded on MN as being "that person" when a door knock or neighbour dispute comes up....

Original poster

Liesmorelies · 01/06/2026 18:52

Notsosweetcaroline · 01/06/2026 16:54

This is a bit odd op, considering you’re the one hiding from your neighbours, declaring them rude for knocking on your door and not making assumptions like you dictate they should. It’s not exactly giving full and happy life vibes.

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I don't fully understand this but I'm pretty sure I will have forgotten about this in a few months time.

OP posts:

MyLimeGuide · 01/06/2026 18:00

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 01/06/2026 09:51

I don't have issues with people but I still don't like talking to people. That's from years of anxiety about being stared at and commented on because my mannerisms and speech are different from NT people's. As I said, I was using an example of one of the many reasons people don't like talking to people.

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And it was absolutely valid. Some people are just so trapped in their own thought process and cant comprehend that others may feel differently.

Friendlygingercat · 01/06/2026 17:05

Get a ring type door bell then you can see who it is and decide whether you want to open the door or not. The ring doorbell gives you the option to speak to people without opening the door. You can tell them its not a convenient time. I have a very stern notice on my door which makes it clear I don't open to unsolicited callers, sellers etc. If someone is ignorant enough to ignore my notice then they can stand there all day for all I care. I'm not running a social club for people with too much time on their hands.

MySaintedAunt · 01/06/2026 17:05

They probably tried knocking twice, a few minutes apart, because they assumed you'd gone to the bathroom. They knew you were in.
I'm another one baffled by people's refusal to answer their door tbh. Ok, if you're genuinely in the bath, it's 2am, you know it's the Jehovah's Witnesses etc fair enough, but to ignore it because you can't be arsed just seems contrary tbh.
You could've answered and probably got whatever they wanted dealt with in the time it took you to write your OP.

Notsosweetcaroline · 01/06/2026 16:54

Liesmorelies · 31/05/2026 19:44

Christ, what empty lives some people must lead if this would count as a memorable experience for them - the terrible day we saw our neighbour but then, shock, horror, she....didn't answer the door!!!!

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This is a bit odd op, considering you’re the one hiding from your neighbours, declaring them rude for knocking on your door and not making assumptions like you dictate they should. It’s not exactly giving full and happy life vibes.

JustGiveMeReason · 01/06/2026 16:52

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:50

Well, yes. If you opened your curtains to find a neighbour pointing up at your house wouldn't you find it a bit strange? And followed by persistent knocking at the door even more so?

Er...you did.

Odd = strange

Original poster

Liesmorelies · 01/06/2026 16:47

JustGiveMeReason · 01/06/2026 16:26

I don't know if you are referring to me as "some people", but I have plenty of empathy. I have empathy for the neighbour who is trying to crack on and put things right in just maintaining the property and making sure his dog doesn't go into a neighbour's garden, and the OP of this thread - who obviously would have said if she had any reason not to open the door - is being bloody awkward and trying to make out the neighbour is odd.

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I did not try and make out they were odd, I said they were rude, which I believe they were. I think persistently knocking rather than just assuming now is not a good time is rude.

OP posts: