AIBU to feel anxious about my husband playing tennis with a woman?

Hi, I train in a male dominated sport and have become “one of the boys” by default. I hang out with them after training too. The thing I like about them is they are solid guys, good fun and most importantly, devoted to their partners. Their partners/wives also trust them, in fact, I’ve become friends with their partners through social events or being invited to their homes. My point being, not all training partners/female friends are a threat, and if you have a solid relationship based on trust with your husband/partner, then you nothing to worry about. I cherish and value my male friendships, but I’m also a girls girl and have really loved meeting the “other halves” as it’s like getting a 2 4 1 on friends ☺️

Nothing wrong with him wanting to play with a female member, nothing wrong with her wanting to work up a sweat playing with a male member. It helps both practise technique. For example men are usually taller - so if she gives him a lob he will probably smash that, in a way that a female partner wouldn’t.

If he's going to do that he could do it with anyone at work or who meets in the supermarket.

i wouldn’t get together but I’d feel the same as you OP. And I wouldn’t feel sorry for him, he knew you didn’t play when he married you!

Seems sensible to enjoy as much tennis as possible before the constraint of a child comes along. What exactly is it that his pregnant partner needs him to be doing whilst he’s out playing tennis!

Well I mean you can be very confident…. But given you don’t know anyone in this scenario, I don’t think you can “guarantee” @gannett

A young fit woman tennis player is probably going to be reasonably attractive. Is he supposed to go out of his way to find an unattractive partner only???

I’m sorry but this is bizarre. Obviously posters like OP aren’t going to moan if he was playing with an ugly woman, it’s confirmation bias.

Maybe he finds her attractive, oh well. You can’t control everything. We all interact with people we might think are good looking.

My mind's a bit boggled at the idea of a members-only tennis club where it's taboo to .... play tennis with the other members

Seems there are two types of tennis club, those you go to to play tennis and those User774563 goes to that seem like something out of an 80s Jilly Cooper novel where hot Italian women go to seduce married men!!

OP I think it's fine for OH to play a tennis with someone new he met at the club (of either sex) and also fine to grab a drink after.

It doesn't sound like he's given you any cause to doubt him, perhaps chalk this feeling up to pregnancy hormones and just let him know you're feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment and if he's as decent as he sounds he'll reassure you and be mindful of your feelings.

You clearly have no knowledge at all of tennis clubs. Those who have money to burn may well pay for a coach but coaches don't usually hit they coach. Some clubs have hitters who will just train with you. They're usually juniors who are working their way up to potentially becoming a coach.
Most people don't bother with coaches or trainers/hitters, they just team up with other club members of a similar standard, male or female. I have a variety of hitting partners - some are female, some are male. Sometimes I put a message out on a group chat asking for a hitting partner for a certain time and, shock horror, usually it will be a man that responds. Then we have a great 60-90 minute hit and sometimes I'll buy him a drink in the bar afterwards to say thank you.

What are you talking about ? You might speak for your tennis club but you don’t speak for mine. There are several levels of players at my club and some fairly active WhatsApp groups for planning matches ( mostly doubles I should say ). I play with a regular doubles partner but if I didn’t I’d be on the groups more often to make plans. I also have coaching but I wouldn’t pay for a lesson every time I want to hit a ball. There are about 3 or 4 blokes that I like to play with / against because they’re at a good level for me and we get on but logistics of it are challenging. I’ve not had drinks with any of them but the evening meet ups are much more social.

None of this really helps the OP but I’d emphasise it can be awkward finding partners at the right level and then co ordinating diaries with times that courts are available.

Ha ha this is so true!

Get a grip. I go on walks with other men who are attractive. It means nothing and my DH doesn’t care because he trusts me. I’d hate to be as jealous as some of the people on here. It must be exhausting

Yeah, I seek out male match partners for this reason too.

Some men are just at my level and it's no different to playing another woman. But testing yourself against slightly better men can really help you get used to a different level of pace and spin. It helps me tactically too when I can't overpower them (which is my default game) - I have to actually think about accuracy and placement!

Also it feels really really good when you win a match against a man.

Wow I’m surprised at how little support there is for the OP’s concerns in this thread. A bit of jealously and mate girding is entirely natural especially when you are vulnerable and pregnant. It’s not like she is acting out on her feelings unreasonably.

As a tennis person I can also guarantee the OP that when they chat over drinks later, they will spend all that time talking about their backhand technique or their tactics or Alcaraz's injury or Serena's comeback or the French Open results - the kind of conversation they can't have with non-tennis people because they'd bore them senseless.

Clearly @User774563 definitely is not ok and still hurting for the latest man in her life cheating on her!

I play tennis ans regularly hit with or play matches against men. Fortunately in my area there is plenty of choice and I guess I could restrict myself to women only but it's better for my game to play men too. It's all about the tennis but sometimes we'll have a drink in the bar afterwards.

You are being unreasonable especially if your DH is running out of hitting partners.

U ok Hun?

My DH has played tennis for years, with men and women. It's not uncommon for him to have a drink with them afterwards - they have a club house with a bar. Playing tennis is a sociable activity and usually there are others around playing or waiting to play. If you don't trust yours, that's a you problem - unless you have a concrete reason not to. (Though if someone did want to stray, I can see that tennis is a good place to meet someone, but then so is work or the gym, potentially)

Surveys and relationship research indicate that between 74% and 80% of men admit they would cheat if they were guaranteed they would never get caught. However, these are hypothetical admissions; in reality, about 20% of married men report having actually had sex outside their marriage

So you can all carry on sticking up for the men all you like, fact is that most of them put sex above their relationship. OP is right to feel uneasy about the situation.

As someone who ACTUALLY plays tennis and is a team captain and club committee member of many years standing I have to completely and utterly disagree.

I play with many men, sometimes on my own, that I have met through tennis. It’s normal to meet people at social tennis and then arrange games with people you have met that will give you a good game at your level. I’m better than most of the men that aren’t at team level so I regularly get invited to play. I don’t play with any friends I have outside of the tennis club.

This is one of the reasons that these "men and women can't be trusted to socialise with each other" posts really annoy me - I've seen it hold young women back at work way, way too much (and had experience of it myself 20 years ago).

Perfectly normal work friendship involving drinks, meals or common interests outside work - in line with how all the young men bonded with their managers - ending up in drama because when you're a young woman enjoying a platonic drink with a male colleague, too many people can only see it in sexual terms.

This.

this entire thread has been hijacked by women who are clearly pick-mes with low self esteem who think there's nothing wrong doing one-on-one activities with a married men in the name of feminism.

This made me laugh!

Call me a raging bra-burning feminist, but I have chatted to, done activities with and had drinks with married men.

Somehow failed to have an affair with any of them, though - where have I been going wrong??