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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

782 replies

RudaRudoRude · 30/05/2026 13:50

Name change as outing info before.
I had an emergency c section 3 weeks ago. Baby was 3 weeks early but fine. My DH has gone for the weekend to his parents for a large family celebration. I haven’t gone because I’m still really sore. I had the c section done with general anaesthetic as it was a real emergency they didn’t have time to do a epidural. I said to DH about him not going because I could do with help with the baby. I’m on my own and don’t have my own parents. His mum got upset so he’s gone there to the weekend party.
Now I’ve found out from a message from someone in his family who said to watch my back as my mil is implying that I can’t cope with the baby because I asked him to stay and he should look at leaving me and applying for custody.

I can cope with the baby, I was only asking him to stay because I really am sore and with having to do everything myself until Monday it feels a lot. I don’t know if I’m just hormonal or this isn’t fair. I didn’t think it was unreasonable to ask him to stay but was it?

OP posts:
NinaGeiger · 05/06/2026 22:35

Hope you're getting on ok @RudaRudoRude

andthat · 03/06/2026 22:04

RudaRudoRude · 02/06/2026 19:42

If I hadn’t of written on here I don’t think I’d do so well. I was so embarrassed and I didn’t want to tell my ff or my friends because I was thinking they’d be like after the holiday you’ve let him leave you again. So writing on here definitely gave me the reassurance that it wasn’t right and I needed to tell someone to get help. Maybe if I hadn’t I might have had years of this crap getting worse from him and her so actually I’m so thankful and grateful for all you on the other end of this god knows what I’d be in now if it wasn’t for that 💗💗

You are amazing.. never underestimate yourself or your resilience. Your child is so lucky to have you as their mum.

Be proud of yourself… it’s wonderful to see that you are not prepared to put up with this ill treatment. What a fabulous role model you are going to be. Wishing you the very best of luck. X

Summercocktailsgalore · 03/06/2026 21:22

Sorry seen you have done all of that!

I would ask if your Fm could meet with you and your SW and show all the evidence on your phone and ask for practical advice on what to do with his abuse.

Summercocktailsgalore · 03/06/2026 21:17

RudaRudoRude · 01/06/2026 07:23

just after I wrote I was feeling anxious the police were banging on my door and trying to get in I ran and that was painful to answer the door. They said they were conducting a welfare and safeguarding check on my baby and really firmly asking where the baby was and at this point he was crying and my fm was coming down the stairs.Because I didn’t answer my husband all day and night because I muted him he told the police he thought I had done something to the baby. And when they checked everything they were so nice and said I can log harassment. I had maybe an hour sleep after all that.

I hope you and your FM told the police:

  • you had an emergency c section 3 weeks ago
  • your DH, the one who rang the police, chose to leave you and his baby
  • your FM, a lady obviously highly regarded in society for having children due to all the checks needed, was with you - your idea, as DH prepared to leave you alone
  • you have had nothing but abuse from your DH and family & want support from the police due to harassment
CaptainMyCaptain · 03/06/2026 10:01

Sunisgettinganewhaton · 03/06/2026 08:34

When you register your baby today use your foster parent's surname if that is the one you use....
Your baby doesn't have to have his surname.

That's true. He can be on the birth certificate but baby can have your surname.

Seriously12 · 03/06/2026 09:42

OP, I really think you are an amazing young woman.

So brave, so wise for your youth.
You are going to be a great mother with such a great head on you.

Great idea to give the baby YOUR surname.
Much easier going forward for passports, schooling, etc.

Sunisgettinganewhaton · 03/06/2026 08:34

When you register your baby today use your foster parent's surname if that is the one you use....
Your baby doesn't have to have his surname.

thepariscrimefiles · 03/06/2026 08:17

RudaRudoRude · 02/06/2026 19:00

I haven’t blocked him and I unblocked his mum because like you all said it’s evidence. Now you would not believe the latest, I’m sharing this because I’m actually shocked at the twisting and mind games. Apparently I didn’t go because I knew he would go even if I didn’t and it was a cover up because I’m having an affair! And me asking him to stay was just covering up so he wouldn’t suspect anything. Honestly it is clearly like emotional and psychological abuse but I had to laugh at that because a 3 week old baby with colic and having an emergency c section and he thinks he can accuse me of an affair. It’s so crazy!

They are seriously unhinged! They are clutching at straws to make you the bad guy but are just showing themselves up as utterly deluded with a side order of cruelty.

Any concerns about the wellbeing of your baby are so far from their minds as to be totally non-existent and you have so much evidence of their lies and their harassment of a newly post-partum mum that any legal action they may decide to take will be laughed out of court.

HappyWelsh · 02/06/2026 22:10

RudaRudoRude · 02/06/2026 19:00

I haven’t blocked him and I unblocked his mum because like you all said it’s evidence. Now you would not believe the latest, I’m sharing this because I’m actually shocked at the twisting and mind games. Apparently I didn’t go because I knew he would go even if I didn’t and it was a cover up because I’m having an affair! And me asking him to stay was just covering up so he wouldn’t suspect anything. Honestly it is clearly like emotional and psychological abuse but I had to laugh at that because a 3 week old baby with colic and having an emergency c section and he thinks he can accuse me of an affair. It’s so crazy!

Unblocking them is proving the best thing! They’re unhinged! An affair🤯 3 weeks PP, following a major operation, with a brand new baby? They’re mental! Sounds Like MIL (Monster In Law) is projecting. Keep everything OP, keep going❤️ your future is going to be so so much better! You have an entire Mumsnet army rooting for you here ❤️

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 02/06/2026 21:54

RudaRudoRude · 02/06/2026 19:42

If I hadn’t of written on here I don’t think I’d do so well. I was so embarrassed and I didn’t want to tell my ff or my friends because I was thinking they’d be like after the holiday you’ve let him leave you again. So writing on here definitely gave me the reassurance that it wasn’t right and I needed to tell someone to get help. Maybe if I hadn’t I might have had years of this crap getting worse from him and her so actually I’m so thankful and grateful for all you on the other end of this god knows what I’d be in now if it wasn’t for that 💗💗

So glad you reached out!! You’re a star!!

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 02/06/2026 21:53

Agapornis · 02/06/2026 20:07

Consider using a court-approved parenting app like Our Family Wizard. It means you won't have to take endless screenshot and it can be used as evidence. It does text, calls and video calls - all recorded and not erasable.

Also this.

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 02/06/2026 21:51

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 02/06/2026 19:22

Bonkers, totally bonkers. But it does make me think that perhaps they are about to accuse you about lying that he is the father of your child. Even though they are pretending to want custody, I think their reaction now leans more towards "well it’s nothing to do with us anyway, she’s clearly been having an affair for years and she tricked him into marriage as he was such a good catch and now she’s going to divorce and screw him for maintenance for a child which isn’t even his”. Doo-lally as that may seem, @RudaRudoRude, I wonder if you shouldn’t perhaps prepare yourself mentally for that? If it doesn’t happen, great, I am being overly dramatic and over-imaginative, but if it does, I think, particularly if he is named on the birth certificate, which I understand he will be automatically as you are married, if he says the child is not his, you should not get all defensive and jump to do his bidding to prove that the child is his, but make him get a DNA test himself and organize it himself, too. It’s up to him to prove it, not you. I’m sorry if this sounds far-fetched and ridiculous, and I do hope it is, but honestly, as you have seen already this week, you have no idea how people you thought you knew are going to behave when they don’t get their way!
I hope all is well and that it all goes well at the registry office tomorrow. I hope you have chosen a name which you like and which suits your baby, not one imposed on you because of “His Family”.

Show quote history

This!

Agapornis · 02/06/2026 20:07

Consider using a court-approved parenting app like Our Family Wizard. It means you won't have to take endless screenshot and it can be used as evidence. It does text, calls and video calls - all recorded and not erasable.

Janicchoplin · 02/06/2026 20:00

TyroneBarkleyManofValueNSOUL · 02/06/2026 06:45

He's got it made gets to do as he likes and all with mummy's blessing and at mummy's request.
Honestly don't know why he got married.

Show quote history

Sounds like the old fashioned shot gun wedding. Shes well shot of the mummies boy.

Doubledenim305 · 02/06/2026 19:56

Thank you Mumsnet for setting up this site to be a lifeline💐
.
I'm so glad OP that you reached out and people could support you and give you some excellent advice.
You sound on a good path now. Well done. Xxx

Original poster
RudaRudoRude · 02/06/2026 19:42

If I hadn’t of written on here I don’t think I’d do so well. I was so embarrassed and I didn’t want to tell my ff or my friends because I was thinking they’d be like after the holiday you’ve let him leave you again. So writing on here definitely gave me the reassurance that it wasn’t right and I needed to tell someone to get help. Maybe if I hadn’t I might have had years of this crap getting worse from him and her so actually I’m so thankful and grateful for all you on the other end of this god knows what I’d be in now if it wasn’t for that 💗💗

OP posts:
LarksAscending · 02/06/2026 19:32

You’re doing amazing @RudaRudoRudereally you are being so strong mentally and physically by getting through this and caring for baby. You’re just weeks after a really traumatic birth and for them to do all of this is just so cruel of them but your handling it like super woman. You should be seriously impressed with yourself.

user1470508354 · 02/06/2026 19:27

Your husband is the worst and your mother in law is also a complete pos for saying that. You're not being unreasonable in any way. I struggled so much after my first who was an emcs, it was horrendous and my now ex-husband and his horrible family did not help at all. Leaving a brand new mum who's just had major abdominal surgery and then suggesting you can't cope is just disgusting.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 02/06/2026 19:25

Sounds like he's a mummy's boy!!

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 02/06/2026 19:22

RudaRudoRude · 02/06/2026 19:00

I haven’t blocked him and I unblocked his mum because like you all said it’s evidence. Now you would not believe the latest, I’m sharing this because I’m actually shocked at the twisting and mind games. Apparently I didn’t go because I knew he would go even if I didn’t and it was a cover up because I’m having an affair! And me asking him to stay was just covering up so he wouldn’t suspect anything. Honestly it is clearly like emotional and psychological abuse but I had to laugh at that because a 3 week old baby with colic and having an emergency c section and he thinks he can accuse me of an affair. It’s so crazy!

Bonkers, totally bonkers. But it does make me think that perhaps they are about to accuse you about lying that he is the father of your child. Even though they are pretending to want custody, I think their reaction now leans more towards "well it’s nothing to do with us anyway, she’s clearly been having an affair for years and she tricked him into marriage as he was such a good catch and now she’s going to divorce and screw him for maintenance for a child which isn’t even his”. Doo-lally as that may seem, @RudaRudoRude, I wonder if you shouldn’t perhaps prepare yourself mentally for that? If it doesn’t happen, great, I am being overly dramatic and over-imaginative, but if it does, I think, particularly if he is named on the birth certificate, which I understand he will be automatically as you are married, if he says the child is not his, you should not get all defensive and jump to do his bidding to prove that the child is his, but make him get a DNA test himself and organize it himself, too. It’s up to him to prove it, not you. I’m sorry if this sounds far-fetched and ridiculous, and I do hope it is, but honestly, as you have seen already this week, you have no idea how people you thought you knew are going to behave when they don’t get their way!
I hope all is well and that it all goes well at the registry office tomorrow. I hope you have chosen a name which you like and which suits your baby, not one imposed on you because of “His Family”.

PotatoLove · 02/06/2026 19:18

Document everything OP, this is all evidence for you.

You are bloody amazing and strong 💪

Campervanadventures · 02/06/2026 19:17

RudaRudoRude · 02/06/2026 19:10

My camera reel is just screenshots now it’s actually ridiculous. I don’t answer anything someone told me to just message with a boundary like I’m not engaging with you only about the baby and arrangements for him. Then he asks one simple question about him then the next 15 messages are all how evil I am and I’ve planned all this. I don’t read them now otherwise my head would be wrecked but everything is screenshots

Show quote history

You poor love! Next thing they will be asking for a DNA test. So sorry x

Original poster
RudaRudoRude · 02/06/2026 19:10

Dancingintherain09 · 02/06/2026 19:07

And screen shot everything incase he deletes it all

Show quote history

My camera reel is just screenshots now it’s actually ridiculous. I don’t answer anything someone told me to just message with a boundary like I’m not engaging with you only about the baby and arrangements for him. Then he asks one simple question about him then the next 15 messages are all how evil I am and I’ve planned all this. I don’t read them now otherwise my head would be wrecked but everything is screenshots

OP posts:
glowfrog · 02/06/2026 19:07

I’m so sorry this has happened to you @RudaRudoRudebut you sound amazing and your son is lucky to have you! On the upside, his behaviour and his mother’s is so outrageous and unhinged that you can have no doubt as to what kind of people they are.

I wish you all the best and I’m sure you’re going to make a great mum. Can’t imagine how hard it must feel for you right now but you are FREE.

Dancingintherain09 · 02/06/2026 19:07

RudaRudoRude · 02/06/2026 19:00

I haven’t blocked him and I unblocked his mum because like you all said it’s evidence. Now you would not believe the latest, I’m sharing this because I’m actually shocked at the twisting and mind games. Apparently I didn’t go because I knew he would go even if I didn’t and it was a cover up because I’m having an affair! And me asking him to stay was just covering up so he wouldn’t suspect anything. Honestly it is clearly like emotional and psychological abuse but I had to laugh at that because a 3 week old baby with colic and having an emergency c section and he thinks he can accuse me of an affair. It’s so crazy!

And screen shot everything incase he deletes it all