AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

Awe OP, you’re not having an easy time at all. Huge respect for how you are handling such a difficult situation. Thank goodness too for your FP. Pleased your ex and exMIL been charged. One day at a time, but just focus as you are on being the best Mum you can in the midst of this maelstrom.

Oh wow! I was so pleased to see an update from you, sorry it’s such a rubbish update😞 hope you’re okay. So glad you’re out of this relationship OP, they’re hellish! So pleased that you’ve stuck to your guns on this. Take them all the way that you can on the charges. Big hugs to you and FM x

How awful for you so sorry you are having to deal with this. Glad you have support and hope you stay strong ❤️

So glad you are in a safe place. Thank you for updating us.

How awful for you and your baby. Im glad theyve been arrested and charged. Can you apply for a restraining order against both? This will stop them sending harassing messages and will alsp go against them in any custody battle.

Keep your strength and composure and keep gathering evidence.

You poor pet.
That is absolutely horrific.
I am so sorry.
Wishing you the best.

I'm so sorry you've been assaulted, that's horrific. You are amazing and very clear thinking. They may still have things to loose though. I hope the arrest helps to prevent him from access to your baby, or at least unsupervised.

What horrible people he and his mom are. I would consider staying in touch with the whistleblower relative of their's though, it's good to have allies. But you know best of course.

Thank you for updating, your baby is lucky to have you.

You poor thing. I'm so glad you continue to have your parents' (essentially!) support. Hope your baby is doing well.

I'm so sorry OP. Stay safe ♥️

How are you doing, OP?

Hope you’re okay OP❤️‍🩹 your strength is unmatched, I promise🫶🏼

This is an awful thing for you to go through when you should be focussing on your new born and being a new mum. He’s doing this to wound you. You know it, your fp know it, the police know it… the police just need to do what they need to do. He and his mum will keep slinging shit your way to cause maximum distress for you as punishment for walking away.

As this is something you know, you can now steel yourself against it. Surround yourself with your cheerleaders. Have lots of snuggles with your little one… these people won’t break you, you’ve already got through so much, you will get through this too. Whenever you find yourself going over what they have said, take a deep breath, remind yourself that they are dickheads and their choice of words is intended to harm you. Then distract yourself with something else. Keep going, you’re doing amazingly well. ❤️

Ah op you don't need to think too far down the road yet as hard as that is. Just one step at a time - you are doing so well and you've already overcome so much at a very vulnerable time.

I'd let the police do their due diligence - you've done nothing wrong and when they conclude that it will be more evidence in your corner. The police will be able to see that you're working with them and using all supports available to you and being appropriate. It's very common for abusers like your ex to make counter claims so the police will be used to this.

When things settle a little you might actually feel worse to be very honest, you've been in survival mode and eventually that will wear off and you'll need to actually grieve the relationship and the future you'd had planned for yourself and your little one. That's completely normal and it will get easier with time. Many people who have experience of being in care find becoming parents very triggering even in easier circumstances so again, that's very normal and understandable. The more support around you the better and maybe your social worker could source some counselling for you as an additional support when you feel ready?

I think you're incredible and I think there's really great things in store for you once this rollercoaster comes to an end.

Remember, your first contact with the police caused them to advise you that you were being harrassed.

His accusations are reactionary, and they will see that clearly.

Keep focusing on yourself.

I also think they you are going to need help for possible PTSD after this and it's really important that you do not keep reading his messages because your brain needs to feel like you are safe. Which you are. Can someone else read and forward the messages?

It's highly unlikely that the police will have any interest in whatever information he thinks he can give them. They have to be seen to be taking it seriously but they will do nothing with it.

Please don't let this take up room in your head because that's exactly that they want and it's completely unnecessary.

Don't have further contact of any kind with baby's dad other than through a solicitor and let them handle the police too. The police have reacted quite strongly in your favour by cautioning them. Your ex's reaction to that will not impress a judge at all.

Just focus on finding your safe place with baby and lean into the support around you. You're being incredibly strong for your baby and don't forget that's all that matters, alongside taking good care of yourself.

OP, I appreciate that you may be feeling all sorts of emotions, fear, uncertainty, anger, doubt etc. But you are so strong to be navigating this and keeping your head up, many people would fall apart and be manipulated by your husband and MIL. Having a baby does a number on anyone nevermind what you are having to experience from these toxic people.

I wanted to comment that I think you are amazing, so is your brilliant foster mum. Given how they have behaved, you will look back on this with pride as a solid decision that you made for the benefit of your child and you. It would only have got worse for you in that marriage. And the police will see through this laughable bullshit. Having an affair after just giving birth?! The baby that they were seeking full custody of isn’t his? ‘You can’t look after a child’ - from the caring family that abandoned you to fend for yourself alone 3 weeks after a traumatic EMCS with a colicky infant…the police have to keep a professional demeanour to you but I’m sure they will laugh at the antics of your husband and MIL when they read through the messages you have. They will find nothing on you because you’ve done everything that a brilliant mum would do, they are much much more likely to judge your husband. Hats off to you.

Take each day at a time from here and mute the messages for now. Enjoy your lovely baby x

@RudaRudoRude you may not feel strong but you really are!
They are and have been showing who they really are by their actions. From the time he went on the holidays to getting friends to also harrass you, the police have to show they are investigating. I think that it is more evidence against them all
Sending you all the support and so proud of you. X

You’re much better off without him or his family. Look after yourself and your baby.

The police have to appear fair, but they will be well aware of exactly what is going on here.
Stay calm, focus on yourself, your baby and health.
We are here for you and praying for you.❤️

@letsallavoidourproblems has said pretty much what I wanted to say after scanning this thread. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through but so glad you have a wonderful foster family. I used to be a foster carer and would certainly want any of my former foster children to come to me if they needed anything.

i don’t have much that’s useful to say other than you are not in the wrong and I haven’t read anything that would suggest your ex and family have a hope in gel of getting cuatody.

Also re the anxiety. I started to experience extreme health anxiety just after my child was born and went straight to the doctor and was put on sertraline, it really helped.

sending love and strength x

Also, they don’t caution people for nothing! They already know they’re harassing you. Keep reporting and documenting. The charges against them will become bigger.

Let them collect the ‘evidence’, you are married! Scammed him out of what? He’s very unlikely to pursue this OP, he’s clearly just crashing out raging, and that’s okay! Just keep sticking to your path, this all will eventually die down, I promise, it has too! They’re seriously unhinged. The police know this, but if someone has made complaints they have to look into it. Just ride it out, you’re doing amazing❤️ his mum and him can’t convince anything without hard evidence of a crime. Please stay strong, you haven’t been rejected, you’re rejecting them and a shit life. He’s a mummy’s boy and always will be, crazy ass bunch. Keep going, ignore what they say the best you can, stay level headed. You’re doing what’s right for you and your baby.

Keep updating here, we are cheering you on, and there’s lots of helpful advice to be offered here from women from all sorts of professions and walks of life xxx

The police will have seen this before but they have to take every complaint at face value and investigate otherwise they could be accused of favouritism or bias or miss something important. Them investigating his complaint does not mean that they don't believe you or think there's any substance to his claims. Remember that they have all the messages, they will know what started this, that it's his mum and him and dad that have been sending abusive messages to you, and that they're changing track with what they say to try and hurt you, and that he has lied to the police to get a welfare check.

I'm sorry it's bringing up past stuff with your birth mum too. You have done nothing to deserve this, the fault lies with him. Please consider telling your fm that you're struggling, I'm sure she'd want to know to support you. Or maybe your SW you mentioned or your GP could help provide that additional support. You are under immense strain and anyone would be finding things difficult right now. You have the added difficulty of it dragging up crap from your past. You are doing amazingly OP.