AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

My partner has a habit of popping out do something and then disappearing for hours as he has decided to do other things or disappear to pub. He doesn’t text or message me to say he is going to be gone longer and thinks he shouldn’t have to tell me where he is every minute of every day and says I’m trying to control him. I’m just asking for basic respect and communication - if he has implied he is going to be an hour and is still not home after 3 or 4 hours and not contacted me I think that is disrespectful - also I don’t know whether to eat or whether he is going to want to do something when he gets back etc. He keeps doing it and every time we argue ge says he won’t do it again, but he does. He worked all weekend but finished about 2.30 yesterday and practically asked permission to go and wash his car - he came back at 9.30!! He text after 5 hours and said he was out with his dad. I’ve told him I’m done - if he wants to behave like a single person and not answer or consider anyone then he needs to be single. Am I being reasonable? I should add that in the past he has had a drink problem and stopped drinking after going to AA. So I spent all night feeling sick with a churning stomach knowing he had been in a pub all that time and whether he was drinking and if he was going to kick off and be nasty when he got home!!

Sweetheart I am sorry!
That’s going to make it night on impossible for them to see the baby then. All those threats about getting custody.

I hope you are seeing things clearly that you are better off without him (and ergo them) in your life and that you can build a happy and positive future with you and your boy, you are a fighter OP, you've done it since you were young - you've got this girl! 💕

You’re doing so well. His arrest for violence and hers for harassment may not prevent contact, but it will act as a barrier. Please support the police/prosecution. Stay strong!

Thank goodness for your fps. You poor darling 💐❤️

Have you seen a solicitor yet?

So sorry to read your update but so glad the police are taking action and your foster parents are helping you to keep safe. I hope you’re proud of yourself for surviving all you've faced. Unfortunately it’s common for abuse to start or escalate during pregnancy or when a baby is born, typically in response to victim not being able to give the abuser their full attention, jealousy of the baby and the victim pushing back on attempts to control. Are you working with a domestic abuse charity?

Thank you for the update, I'm so sorry there was violence, they are horrid to have done the things they have. I know its hard from my own personal experience but please believe me that however awful things have been and are, you will get through this period and move on. Enjoy your little baby, hug your fantastic parents (doesnt matter if they are not biological). You are a fabulous quality person xx

You are so strong, dealing with all if this with a tiny baby and recovering from surgery, a wonderful mummy! Your foster mum is amazing too. Glad you have friends and family support. You will get through this. Hope you and foster mum are both ok.

Grand parents wedding anniversary is important but own marriage is not. Wow. How can he listen without any reactions to his mother telling him to leave his wife.

@RudaRudoRude

Glad you’re ok, well, you know.

Blimey! Was pleased to see an update, but that’s a sad one. That sounds very tough! You have a lot going on. Really glad you have your foster family and that they are being such a support.

As others have said, helpful in the long run, but still hurts, physically and emotionally.

You’re doing great!!

I'm so sorry you have had to go through this. You are such a strong women, I hope you can see that. I'm glad you have your fp for support. They def showed you their true colours, be glad you got out of this relationship now. Wishing you all the best with your little one x

You have done the best thing ever for you and your baby by kicking him out. I can’t believe he came and assaulted you! I’m glad you’re with your fp.

They have shot themselves in the foot if they were thinking about custody/access, etc as surely this would go against them/him..?

JFC. My mother and I don’t get on at all and not even she would do this. WTF is wrong with her. And if I asked my husband to stay he would. I had a totally normal birth and he did everything he could for me. Why do women marry such horrid men.

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been assaulted by your psychopath of an ex-husband but I'm glad that they've both been charged.

Your foster parents sound amazing and so supportive. I bet the gruesome twosome massively underestimated how supportive they would be and how they would help you fight back.

I wish you and your baby all the best.

Oh you poor love. At a time when you should have been able to concentrate on recovering and your new baby you've had to deal with all this . And you've done it with courage, strength and maturity. Well done to you. And I am so glad that you have your lovely foster family standing by your side.

Oh OP, what a time you've had. I'm so sorry this has been your start to motherhood. @Tabarnak is spot on - it's clear that their family is very much the dysfunctional one! You sound level-headed, emotionally mature, and well supported by people who know and love you.

I’m so sorry OP. Terrible how this escalated.

you are one strong woman and you have done the right thing leaving him. What a waste of space.

Op you are brilliant!

It's not easy to leave a relationship when you're so vulnerable after having a baby. Well done you 👏
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this and that that pair of lunatics have caused so much stress and pain through these early months of motherhood.

You might not feel it right now but you are amazing. Hang in there, with the help of those who care about you.

Bloody hell, he and his mother... what a pair! Shocking!

It must have been a horrible time, OP, but you have done fantastically well. And how ironic that his family looked down on you and considered you come from a dysfunctional family:
Them - charged with criminal offences. Vicious, dishonest, manipulative and with a toxic mother and son relationship, him a terrible and neglectful father who left his new baby with a post-op ill Mum
You - bringing your baby up within a family of (foster) parents who clearly love you and offer rock-like care and support, your siblings, and you, a great Mum.

Which is the dysfunctional family here????

If they break their bail conditions they may well be taken in and kept on remand, so they do have their freedom to lose.

You sound like a strong woman. I wish you and your baby safety and joy

This. They're all fuckers with zero empathy or consideration.

So sorry to hear this op. I went through similar from my parents in law, though not as extreme. The person who should care for you, your baby and have your back is weak and controlled by those do not have your best interests at heart. Such a hard lesson to learn. I sympathise with your earlier rejection too and do wonder if it is a pattern.

I hope you and baby are well.

@RudaRudoRude

I'm so sorry this has happened to you! But you are strong and you will get through it!

I hope they get the book thrown at them!

The thing to remember is that although what he did is appalling, in the long run it works well for you.

There is absolutely no doubt now that he and his mother are abusing you, and they lost any chance at all of taking control of you or your son with his actions. Any counter allegations will not be taken seriously on the back of these charges. They are control freaks who have lost control.

I am even more convinced that no one has ever before held them accountable for their actions, and they simply can't cope with having to justify themselves when they know that what he/they have done is unjustifiable. Well done for standing up to them. I know that what he did was horrific and terrifying in the moment (had similar myself) but in the long term you will realise that actually he did you a favour. And the rest of the family will love you for what you have done.