AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

Not a snowball in hell's chance. She's batshit. And I mean there's no chance. I'm not over-egging it.

Does DH have form for appeasing mummy at your expense?

No it might even work in your favour as it says alot about his character

Honestly, your DH is a shit husband and a shit father. His mother sounds even worse.

So even though you are the one who has been left alone at home with a brand new baby, his awful mother is saying that you are an unfit mother and your neglectful, 'couldn't give a shit' husband should seek sole custody? If you aren't a fit mother, why did your husband leave you alone with the baby.

They are insane but this doesn't excuse the sheer cruelty of their behaviour.

Have you got family who could step in and help you? Are you still have visits from your midwife or health visitor? If so, please tell them what has happened so that it can be documented in your medical notes.

Definitely this.

There is no way a single incident of you asking him to stay and help with the baby, 3 weeks after an emergency c-section would be taken into consideration in a divorce dispute.

Is there more to the story than this. Has he behaved like an unsupportive wanker in the past? Has his mother always disapproved of you, and does he listen to her?

What will he say/do if you raise the message with him? Unless he tackles his mother absolutely head on for her appalling behaviour, then he is the problem.

I meant to say 3 weeks.

No. The court would say that’s your family business and has 0 effect on your ability to parent, they also wouldn’t separate a breastfeeding mother from their baby just because she needed help after surgery for a few weeks (or for almost any reason at all).

There’s absolutely no chance under the sun that the court would award him full custody of a little baby for this or even for almost any reason except extreme ill health / mental health or if the woman was abusive or didnt want the child.

Wanting your husband to stay home 3 weeks after giving birth is not evidence of any form of parenting insufficiency. Your MIL is talking bollocks.

It’s not been three days though, it’s been three weeks.

He's a disgrace going there under the circumstances. And I usually dont agree with relying too much on partners. But yes he should stay. His family sound horrible.

You are recovering from abdominal surgery AND have to care for a newborn, your husband has abandoned you both as to not upset his mummy ( who sounds delightful! ). He needs to know how badly he has let you and your baby down. I would start with the fact you had to ask your neighbour for help because he left you, if that's not embarrassing enough.

This really depends though, things like core strength before pregnancy goes a long way but also if you have a baby that sleeps Vs one who doesn't for example can impact your recovery time, your age, how useless your DH has been. All things that might mean you don't 'bounce back'as quickly.

I doubt it very much so please dont worry. Most new mums struggle a bit in the beginning because growing a child then feeding them is bloody hard. Please do not let that awful person make you think you are a failure in any way because you put yourself and your child first.

That’s your sister. Everyone is different. Nobody would expect people who have had any other surgery to be travelling overnight just 3 days later.

Agree with previous poster. Your husband and his mother are dicks.

Time for the come to Jesus conversation OP.

Your husband needs to make a choice. Put his wife and child first or sod off back to Mummy.

Any man who puts an anniversary party before gis wife and child, especially when his wife has just had major abdominal surgery to get said child safely does not deserve to be called husband or father.

Any mother who encourages her little precious to put her before his wife and child would be put on time out. No contact with her, no visits, no pics nothing. He is his Mummy he can sort that and baby is far to young to be away from their mother and primary carer.

Two weeks post emergency c section my sister was in the car up to Leeds from Devon - obvs stopping every half hour or so for baby but you need to see them because the pain shouldn’t be limiting you this much

This 100%

I would be getting better and then giving it a good hard look.

He should have stayed at home and I would find this hard to forgive tbh. Unless he has AnyFucker's 'golden cock', I would be making alternative arrangements once the DC is 9m plus.

What a tosser!

Sadly this. I could just about have understood say it being his mothers funeral but his grandparents wedding anniversary???

has he always been a selfish man child?

It's the mil and DH

Your DH is the problem. He's a mummy's boy and always will be. At the very moment you needed him to step up and support he decided to side with her. It'll never change. If he's generally ok aside from these kind of shitty decisions then I'd think very hard at carving out expectations around family. Don't be a doormat so he can appease his mother at every turn. Make sure you leave him with the baby or just up and go for a weekend too once in a while.i

I’m wondering who the 5% are who think the OP is being unreasonable 🥴

Well that was frankly stupid of both of you… planning to go away on your literal due date. Strewth.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

It sounds a very unhealthy dynamic for your MIL to be getting upset about non -attendance at a party when her son has very pressing responsibilities caring for you and the baby.

And yes that does sound like the kind of person who might possibly make toxic comments.

If your DH has actually left you to go and appease his mother I would be quietly preparing to step back from the relationship. It isn't your job to fix his Mummy issues and you'll only be vilified for it.