AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

Also I don’t give a shit if someone was climbing Everest 2 days PP.

Every person and body is different.

Your mother in law is trying to cut you out of their lives. I sincerely hope your husband tells her to fuck right off. I doubt he will though. I wish you all the best with your recovery and your baby OP.

Fuck your MIL. She sounds nasty. Your parents are not a reflection on you - you are your own person and if someone wants to judge you for being raised in care they’re a psychopath. There’s nothing ‘better’ or ‘worse’ about a person who was raised differently through no fault of their own. Don’t let their opinions bother you.

You’re the mum now. And you know you’ll raise your baby with lots of love and care. It’s time to grow your stronger mum skin now and let people’s judgement fall off you like water off a ducks back. They literally do not matter and who cares what they think?

You are being the best mum.

You are breastfeeding (before I get hate I didn’t)

Your home with your child that should of only just been born rather than dragging them in a long car trip to be passed around by random “family”

Mil is clearly to be kept at arms length. If you can afford or have insurance to in the us if you are there I recommend dh finds a professional to talk to therapy wise to come out of having his bollocks in his mums purse.

You keep doing what you are doing! You’ve got this. You love your baby! You’re giving them the best start and best protection and thinking of them over anyone else. Babies best interests at heart over people pleasing.

I find it a bit odd to need this much help after 3 weeks.
Although everyone is different it wasn’t that long ago, mom’s c/s or not got on with home life from the day they arrived home. Husbands off to work the next day or so.
Yes times have changed but 3 weeks in, I’d be concerned and following up with the dr. if I wasn’t managing on my own.

yup. So sorry but you chose a humdinger there OP

I bounded back super quickly after my last C-section (I went to a festival at 9 days post partum), but I still wouldn't have wanted to travel with the baby (and ALL the baby paraphernalia!) in hot weather, sleeping somewhere unfamiliar and worrying about the baby waking people up etc.

I'm not sure why so many people are trying to insist that the OP should have gone to this party to facilitate her husband's selfishness and his mother's batshittery.

She had an emergency C-section under general anaesthetic - that's a good enough reason not to go and there's no way anyone should be shamed for not wanting to embark on on long distance travel and overnight stays under these circumstances.

Unless there's some major thing you're not telling us, no.

He sounds like a deadbeat dad and a mummy's boy at the same time.

Get rid ASAP.

i think he’d be doing you a favour if he did divorce you.
Who wants a man that goes snivelling to his mum because you are texting him then tittle tattling back to her that you, quite reasonably, asked him to stay with you, and his newborn child, 3 weeks post emergency c section.
He sounds like a right drip

OP where are your parents? You sound like you need someone to support you against his mother.

My friend and her partner didn't attend a very close family member's funeral after a planned C-section a couple of weeks earlier. No-one expected them to.

Your husband and mother-in-law both sound terrible and no, you staying with a newborn baby after surgery, is not grounds for custody to be awarded to him. It doesn't sound like he'd cope anyway.

I disagree. Forewarned is forearmed. Theres no time to delay telling OP.

lol no court is going to even give him 50/50 of a breastfed baby because you wanted him to stay home 3weeks post section with a baby that wasn’t even due till now.

Mil is bat shit and he is spineless.

In fact I dare say if he really believed you couldn’t genuinely cope he would be an even shitter father for then leaving his baby with someone he deems can’t look after them. Shot himself in foot on that issue.

If men have major abdominal surgery they are told to take it easy, rest, not lift anything heavier than a mug of tea & not overdo it for 4-6 weeks.

Women have a c section & get told to get on with it, lift an 8lb baby numerous times a day and nevermind they can't rest & are sleep deprived.

@RudaRudoRude you are doing an amazing job. I'm sorry your H is so unsupportive & under mummy's thumb.
You need a serious conversation when he gets back.

I picked the wrong one and on the app you can’t change it. Your husband is a real dick for this

I think you need some more support, it's quite unusual that you wouldn't be able to travel 3 weeks after a c section, just sit, let baby be passed around and attended to by family members for the weekend then go and collapse.

Whoever has texted is at best thoughtless, at worse a shit-stirer … why on earth would they send you this message ? If they were genuinely concerned they would either be challenging it at source, or, coming round for a chat to see how you are (and then decide if you are in an emotionally stable state to hear this).

What the hell is wrong with some women.

I have an adult son. I’d be telling him his place was at home with his wife and telling them both to sod the celebration and to stay at home.

There is absolutely no way a court would award the father of a tiny baby custody when the mother is perfectly capable of looking after them.

I wish I’d read that before giving my long-winded answer saying more or less the same thing, @youalright!

Have you had a c section? Two weeks post section I hadn't left the house. I felt like I had been hit by a train. I had dreadful trapped wind pain. I was dealing with breastfeeding drama and super weepy. I was struggling with a bowel system that was still a bit shocked. I was still bleeding. And I was recovering from major surgery. Just because your sister recovered quickly doesn't mean it's the norm. Stop pressuring her that she should be able for more than she is. It's bloody difficult and there's no way I could have gone to a family celebration.

And in any case, by deserting his wife so soon after the difficult birth of their first child, surely @RudaRudoRude’s “D”H has proved that he is not actually fit to have custody of his own child himself?
Are you both quite young, @RudaRudoRude? Have you found your husband has been at his mother’s beck and call since the beginning of your marriage, and always prioritised her and her family’s needs above yours? Or is this a one-off? Though actually, that is all irrelevant, your MIL is clearly a bad parent herself if she has encouraged her son to abandon his responsibilities to his wife and first child in preference for a family party and expects you to cope by yourself. Does she not understand marriage is a partnership, as is parenting? You are not a single parent and should not be left to cope on your own like this. I am horrified for you.

It is a big occasion but your DH should have ..
Stayed home and zoomed in a congratulations to his grandparents with you and the baby. Or
Attended for part of one day with you and the baby. Or
Attended alone for part of one day - with your blessing.