AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

My mum had my brother in the 80s and got looked after in the hospital for a few days. It’s only modern time where people are sent home the next day. (if no complications) An emergency surgery is completely different to an elective one, they are focused on speed rather than what the wound recovery will be like.

Fuck off

This is malicious nonsense, I feel quite angry for you. No court is going to take a newborn away from a mother because she's unwell or exhausted. Try to ignore these people and have a serious talk with your partner about how tge two of you can give your baby the best start.

I’m just gutted for you. 30 years ago I had our daughter by c-section under GA.
The next morning my MIL insisted that my DH (one of 4 brothers) painted the outside of her house.
I couldn’t get out of bed unassisted for the toilet, couldn’t lift the baby and was struggling to establish BF.
He was apologetic but promised he’d be as quick as he could, and that the nurses were there to help me. Why he didn’t tell his mother to F off was, and still is beyond me.
His mother has, and continues to put herself first, she is now 91, and he’s still at her beck and call.
She’s never put herself out to help us or our kids in any way. Can’t see anything changing now!
My DH and I are still together, and he is on the whole a good man. But There have been several occasions over the years when he should have put me first and didn’t.
Our eldest daughter had a baby 3 weeks ago by c-section and her lovely DH literally didn’t leave her side 24/7 for the first 3 weeks including sleeping literally on the floor next to her bed in hospital for 4 nights. We are so proud of him.

This is very sad 😔 Op your husband needs to realise that you and the baby are his family now and should be his number one priority. Most people wouldn’t be taking a three week old anywhere. At that age you would need to stop every 30 mins and get the baby out of their car seat as it is not safe for them to not be fully flat sleeping at that age. (Look up car seat safety)

Im sorry to hear that you didn’t have a stable upbringing that you can compare things too.

Ask and accept as much help from the midwives and health visitors as possible. They will be able to give a positive account if your MIL keeps stirring things up. Also, get all your ducks in row as they say on Mumsnet. You and the baby are the ones being let down here. I’ve had an emergency operation very similar to a C-section and the recovery was A LOT worse and longer than my subsequent planned C-section. Go to all the follow ups and the postnatal check with your doc. There could easily be a bit of an infection making it harder for things to heal. Make sure your scar is not very red or hot x

Your husband needs to remember that he is a father now and needs to support you. He can still be close to his mum without pushing you out like he is now.

If he can’t support his wife and child then I would be questioning the future of the relationship. Put you and the baby first.

@AgnesMcDoo i had 3 c/s. am a retired midwife.
i’m not an ignorant dick.

Having an emergency c section is awful in my experience. Remember your hormones will be going crazy right now too. Just because mil is behaving erratically does not mean dh is to. You need to stand up to him when he is home. He needs to start choosing you and the baby as you are a family now. Yes of course he can see his family but it would have looked a lot better if he had stayed at home. He wouldn’t get custody of a newborn op he has no reasons. It sounds like mil feels you are not good enough. Keep proving that you are ❤️

They all.sound like horrible people OP.Of.course he should have stayed and helped you with your baby if you had a cesarian only, a while back.He should.have your back, and want want is best for you.both you as his partner child's mother .

I think your mother inlaw sounds unkind and manipulative.Can you start standing up for yourself a bit more?
I don't know how.social services view these things, but here's betting they would take into.account the cesarian.

The person who told.you.what everyone at the party or the ml was saying about you is stirring trouble,it's only made you worried.

Hope you can get some rest somehow and heal soon.
Just because you.were in care doesn't mean you are less a person than the mother inlaw.She sounds nasty, you sound thoughtful and kind.Please don't let these people.get to you.

Start finding out about being more. assertive, and how to deal with unpleasant people like mother inlaw.
She doesn't get to decide about your relationship.

All these people insisting OP should be fine 3 weeks after section are frankly ignorant dicks.

This is sad to read, I'm sorry you're going through this.
Your husband should be putting you and your health first, way above his mother being unhappy.
If you asked him to stay, he should have done so.
To feel you can't cope 3 weeks after birth is absolutely not a failure, it's completely normal.
Your mil also is nasty. But why isn't your husband shutting her down when she says things like that?

That makes your MIL even more of a poisonous snake, encouraging your husband to keep leaving you on your own when she knows you don't have family support of your own - she's utterly toxic. However that doesn't absolve your husband of the responsibility to stand up to her and defend you. If he can't do that he's not worth having unfortunately.

Really sorry your pregnancy and newborn experience are being ruined by them. You're undoubtedly strong and you can do it alone, but you shouldn't have to.

@LarksAscending my comprehension is fine.
Three weeks to still need support of any sort is a bit extreme.
Hospital stays of 5-7 days aside it’s been 3 weeks.

Show ur husband, and he now needs to make a choice, be a family man or a mummy’s boy. Not convinced he will choose the right
one. Sounds like ur advice should be heeded and your mil is a
nasty
piece of work.

Please ignore MiL and what she may and may not have said. Your Husband needs training. (I know some people will say - don't bother) but a good man who doesn't have a clue - can be a great man once you point it out.
Yes he should have stayed and helped you.
No he shouldn't listen to his mum.
When he gets back - take a break
Let him look after you both.
Speak to him in a way he understands. If he is sorry and says he won't do it again then let him prove it to you.
(I had an ECS for baby 1 and wouldn't have taken baby to a family do after 3 weeks. But, every woman and every birth is different so sone would.)
In fact show your husband this thread to help articulate to him why he was ridiculous leaving you.

Helpful 🙈

Have confidence in yourself that you are in the right here. What a terrible way to treat you, leaving you by yourself and not shutting down the discussion by his mother. And that he left you alone at 7 months pregnant to go on holiday with his mum, and then you were 'told off' for texting him. Just awful.

It’s pretty common for many to still be in a lot of pain 3 weeks after major surgery.

whilst some people bounce back after a few paracetamol others take a lot longer.

what op is describing is what I went through with both my sections.

I was on strong pain killers for several weeks

Honestly OP, I wish I could give you a big hug and a cup of tea or an iced drink, and look after the baby for a couple of hours so you can rest. It's what you deserve. Your DH is at the least unsupportive and your MIL has been very unkind and lacking in empathy to a new young mother.

New mums used to stay in hospital for at least a week after a vaginal birth and even longer for a c-section.

Her DH is a selfish prick for leaving her on her own.

Your husband is an absolute cockend. So is his fucking bitty mother.

I feel so sorry for you OP, and I really do hope you fuck this bell end off, because his prick of a mother is never going to change

@RudaRudoRude You have a HUGE DH problem here.

And no, demanding custody just because you're in pain from an emergency C section is not going to work.

You need to be telling you DH how disappointed you are with him that he chose his mum over his wife and child, despite the fact you are still in physical pain from the emergency c-section.

If he cannot cut the apron strings, then the marriage isn't going to work. Is he married to you or his mum?

Do you have an friends you can talk to if you haven't got parents? or any foster parents/care people that you got on well with?

No of course he couldn't, his mother is talking utter nonsense. If anything the fact that he went off and left you and the baby would be evidence that he's not responsible enough to be a father. Ignore the gossip but read him the riot act when he gets back about how neglectfully he has behaved. The fact that you had to get your neighbour to help you move stuff downstairs shows that he hasn't given your (or the baby's) health and safety a second thought, the useless git.

She is managing on her own. She has looked after her baby alone because her DH fucked off. She wanted him to help because it’s easier not because she is incapable.

Your reading comprehension is appalling.

Well done OP for ignoring the posters telling you that you can't possibly be struggling after three weeks. I've had two c sections, second was planned and I was up and about very quickly. The first was under general anaesthetic and it took me six weeks to be able to walk properly and I'm generally very good with pain and getting on with things. Your husband should definitely be with you xx