AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

So sorry you have such a mummy’s boy for a husband. I’m not sure I could get over the lack of support from him and the interference from your MIL. At 3 weeks post partum from an emergency section your “D”H should be taking care of you and helping with the baby. Not in a million years would my DH have gone away for a whole weekend at this time for a family party (he might have stopped in for a few hours but only if things were going well at home).

I suspect your MIL is one of those matriarchs who expects everyone to dance to her tune and your DH has grown up with learnt behaviour of keeping her happy. And if you’ve grown up in care you haven’t had the experience of a single supportive family so don’t know that this is not normal. Well let me tell you it is not normal.

You and his child should be his first priority now and you need to spell this out to him. And if he won’t listen to you then get your health visitor on board to tell him some home truths.

I hope you cope ok over the weekend. Please just take it easy and do the absolute basics to keep yourself and the baby fed and comfortable. Order takeaway for you and just live on the sofa and bed. Sending strength!

If your ML did say that she's a nasty piece of work. You have just had an emergency section and you need some help. Who wouldn't? Your DH should have stayed him to help with his new baby, and he should be having stern words with his mother. Also I doubt any court would remove a newborn baby from a mothrr because of what the ML supposedly said

Why is he such a simpering mummy's boy and why isn't he telling her to stfu? No court is going to take your baby away because you asked your husband for help at 3 weeks post partly. However, if he runs off to mummy every 2 seconds, and isnt on your side, THAT will be a problem

Please tell your foster mum. She sounds great.

This lovely. Please tell her.

Certainly not.

But I'm more concerned that you believe he could be looking to divorce you. If it was a secure marriage, your husband would simply laugh at his mother or tell her to fuck right off. Why do you believe he might go along with this nonsense?

MIL thinks you can't cope and he should go for full custody, yet she guilt tripped him into leaving you alone with the baby. She sounds like a nasty malicious woman. Your DH sounds weak to be bowing down to her. The family member who text you is inconsiderate delivering it the way she did when you are alone struggling postpartum.

Has that family always been awful or are you seeing true colours now you have a baby. Do you have your own friends and family? I'd be wanting to keep my distance from DHs family.

I had an emergency C Section and it was very, very difficult to do anything at all. You feel like you’re going to tear in half when you move.

Your mother in law is being very, very unreasonable and your husband should have stood up to her.

This is how it starts.

Please contact your last foster mum, she sounds like a real support for you x

My DP had gastro surgery, three weeks in, he was still in hospital, for the next weeks, he was still having the dressings nurse check his wounds and was told not to do more than self care and certainly no going out. When my Mum had me, it was a ten days stay in hospital, for a C Section, until you'd recovered, unless you had care. When I had my first, it was a three day stay and again, post C Section it depended on recovery. Women used to be surrounded by other women, they was unusual to be left completely on their own. Years ago, there'd be a teenage girl who needed pocket money and they'd go in help. Women who have had major abdominal surgery, need care.
@RudaRudoRude you would get residency and he'd be just visiting until your baby is 1. Then the court would look at him taking the baby out. They could never argue that you aren't fit to look after the baby, while leaving you on your own. He doesn't care about you. This is no way normal. This should be the beginning of the end.

Would he have been happy to be left three weeks after abdominal surgery with a newborn baby?
why do mils needs trump yours you are in this level of pain because the two of you choose to have a baby and now he can’t even support you.

i would be apoplectic with rage

Is your relationship on the rocks?
Why should she tell him to leave you and try for custody?
Do you not trust your partner? Surely he should have shut her down straight away?

This is exactly how I feel. He is acting unfit as a parent, not you.
His priority should be his own family as father & husband, with very real needs (post surgery & premature newborn baby) versus his wider family party. He is putting his mother’s wants above his own child and wife’s needs.
He needs to grow up & accept his very adult responsibilities not just leave you to it.
His family are inconsiderate and unkind towards his wife & child - he needs to see this & stand up to them, have your corner in this.

I feel terrible for you being made to feel inadequate, being guilt tripped, being left without help and support of your supposed partner. You need some tough talking for him to step up and be a better father. He has responsibilities now. And frankly to have some heart, for you. His life partner in one of her toughest times. Sending love, please be kind to yourself and look after yourself.

I was thinking how glad I was that my midwife for the two home deliveries wasn't brisk with me about it all! (She'd got a gong for services to midwifery, so other people may have agreed with me about what a star she was.)

If she will support you then tell her. She is right to be angry at him and you need to surround yourself with people who will look after you.

is she in a position to come and stay with you for a couple of days just to help you out?

whatever your MIL says ignore your doing a great job especially when your not getting the support from her son!

Because she loves you and knows they are treating you like shit honestly.

I'd absolutely be furious and lose respect for my husband if he left me looking after a baby after major surgery to go to a family party because mummykins was upset that he wouldn't be there.
She's awful too for expecting him to be there after your c section.

Just because you bounced back doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with those who needed longer to recover

Thank goodness you are retired.

She's bonkers. X

I think there may be a slight difference between a weekend away at a hotel with a newborn, and a BBQ!

Would the hotel even have wanted them there, a newborn and a mum who might need medical treatment?

There is no way DH would have left me 3 weeks after an ECS. If anything I would say that him gallivanting off to the party is the sign of a poor parent, not you needing help whilst recovering from major surgery