AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

Thank god for your foster mum. Can you see the difference between someone who cares for you and someone who doesn't, ie. him and his family?

I hope your fm helps you to see that this isn't a healthy relationship for you.

And by the way, you sound like an amazing mum. You had a rough start in life and look at the love you're showing your lovely baby. Now look at your bellend of a husband and how he and his family are behaving. They're the ones who are not fit to bring up a child.

@RudaRudoRude
They didn’t want you in the family. Your husband didn’t want you in the family. You are only married because you got pregnant, and he “had” to. He didn’t pick you. You didn’t pick him. You got pregnant and married him due to that.

This isn’t a marriage. Walk away. They don’t like or respect you, he doesn’t like or respect you. You’re the inconvenience they got stuck with because of a baby. That’s all there is to it. But he also your inconvenience that you got stuck with because of a baby. He isn’t a good guy, he isn’t the guy you’d have chosen if you knew how he felt or how he’d behave. He isn’t worth it.

This. You've put it perfectly. This OP's story has really upset me.

You're doing brilliantly OP, you're so much stronger and more resilient than your spineless DH.

This.

What the OP is describing is genuinely horrifying. And - I usually hate how readily this term gets used online - there's some very clear gaslighting going on.

Honestly. I would show the messages to your foster mum. I would also - whilst he is away - speak to your midwife or health visitor and explain everything you have done here. The holiday when you were pregnant. This weekend away. Make sure it is logged somewhere. Ask for advice, reassurance and support. Take photos/ screen grab those messages.

Please take photos of all messages.
You are being abused.

Tell your GP and medical team of what you have been told.

You poor pet.
You are so vulnerable and they are truly disgusting people.

You have not married a decent man.

You need to not get pregnant again and you need to return to work.

Tell people the truth, he is a complete disgrace as is his family.

Utterly shameful.

There's absolutely not a chance in hell he'd get custody of your child. No way. He wouldn't get 50:50 either. You have a newborn baby and he doesn't even care enough to spend this weekend with him. He's shot himself in the foot there.

His mother is an absolute disgrace. If my son rocked up at a party when his wife had just had a baby, I'd put him back in the car and send him home. They are really shocking.

Hope you're OK OP 💕

I'm dumbstruck!!!!

Dear OP. OMG YANBU! Your post made me so sad and so angry on your behalf. I was so relieved to read that you had contacted your foster mum and she is now with you.

I can't imagine having been left alone with my 3 week old DS for a whole weekend and I didn't have a caesarean. Your in laws sound like nasty people.

I hope other guests were horrified that you had been left on your own and made this clear to your husband and in laws. Shocking behaviour!

I had an 8hr laparoscopy for endo excision and was signed off work for 6 weeks…. And that wasn’t being cut open!

I'm so sorry OP, your husband shouldn't have gone and should be backing you now. You are in absolutely no way unreasonable, and I'm so sorry that it even crossed your mind that you might be. There is zero risk of your husband being able to use this to get custody.

I had an EMCS too and my partner took a month off work and did EVERYTHING for me and around the house while I literally sat on the couch and fed the baby all day. He only went out to go to the shop. He did this because he felt it was his responsibility and because he wanted to spend time with and support his new family.

I hope that when your husband is home he is supporting you?

Glad your foster mum is coming over, hope this helps you feel safe and supported, you certainly deserve it.

I feel sorry for the women under your not very tender care. You were obviously in the wrong job as I would expect a former midwife to have empathy for an OP who is struggling post-partum with a selfish husband and a horrible MIL. As a care leaver OP doesn't have her own mum for support.

Your criticism and harsh words are really misplaced and inappropriate.

No, he couldn't, but if you think that he would try that's a much bigger issue!

I find it incomprehensible that he was expected to go and even more incomprehensible that he went. I am really sorry that this has happened and this is something that I would struggle to forgive

This. Hope you're ok OP, sounds like a tough situation. MIL is a snake & DH needs to rethink his priorities.

I agree. I’m so sorry op. What a horrible experience. Do not worry as they cannot get custody. In fact HE looks worse for leaving you in this position. Make a copy of all the texts.

I don’t know if I’m just hormonal or this isn’t fair

“hormones” don’t ever make you unreasonable. We need to get out of this mindset that women are just hysterical creatures whose hormones make them overreact to anything and everything.

your feelings are valid, whether you’re pubertal, premenstrual, post partum or menopausal.

so if you think it’s not fair, or are upset by his behaviour, that is completely reasonable and he should be addressing it.

if you can’t cope still post surgery then he needs to help. Or find a compromise such as get you paid help if seeing his family is so important. Hell he could have paid a local teenager to keep you company, fetch things from upstairs and make you cups of tea. And a cleaner so you can relax in a lovely clean house.

to fuck off and leave you to it when you’ve told him you can’t physically do it it shitbag behaviour.

I had an emcs and a suspected heart attack at 35 weeks pregnant.. Mil's first reaction was relief. As now dh could accompany her +fil on their annual trip. When dh refused she went nuts. Actually never forgave him /me and haven't seen her since dc was a couple of months old.
Ds is nearly 12...
Years..

I would've thought leaving his wife a new baby 3 weeks post c section would go against him not against you. What kind of a man would do that? Not one I'd give custody of a child. I'm so sorry he's done that to you OP.

This doesn't sound 'lovely' -
At night when the baby is crying it’s lonely. ...I’m trying to eat healthy and cooking washing up and doing the washing.

Why isn't he doing the washing? Why isn't he making you food?

Your husband and his parents are all a very bad word.
Glad your foster mum is coming to look after you.