AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

this.

@Chewbecca what on earth has given you the idea that if the OP was to travel, that she’d be remotely cared for or looked after by her dreadful Mil or H?!

Your attitude is utterly awful and is the reason new mothers feel worried about being judged. I had a straightforward birth compared to op with some stitches and was in pain 3 weeks later.

Op isn't struggling to cope, she's in pain from emcs, but coping but no newly post partum woman should be left to just 'cope' alone if she's asked her partner to not selfishy go away for the weekend. in fact she shouldn't have to ask. a decent man wouldn't dream of doing that.

Fully agree with this. Your husband will never have your back @RudaRudoRude and you cannot trust him ever again now that he seems to be agreeing with his mother about leaving and applying for custody of baby. You need to get in there first.

really hope you recover well and I'm glad your foster mum us there to support you.

This

Please make a GP appointment though! I don’t want to worry you but you should not be in pain. I’ve had 3 sections and your body needs to heal. It also could be you are overdoing it? Are you following the rule of lifting nothing heavier than the baby? So you should not be lifting baby in car seat, lifting shopping heavier than your baby etc? If I ever forgot and lifted a heavy laundry tub it would hurt

he needs to hear his life changed when he became a husband & father. His priorities should have changed

No, it’s not. Stop trying to make OP feel shit. 3 weeks after surgery, first baby, breastfeeding, bleeding and not sleeping. No one in their right mind would want a weekend away with family!

He could take you to court and ask for 50:50 but that’s as good as it would get, without significant evidence you were abusing or neglecting the child or struggling with mental health so much you couldn’t realistically care for the child. No judge would demand a child were removed from its mother full time without evidence of this. He wouldn’t get 50:50 until your baby was a bit older either, especially since you BF so don’t worry about that.

He shouldn’t have gone. Nothing about your post makes me think you’re struggling at all, you sound like a totally normal new mum who had a traumatic delivery and is still in pain. He should be there for you, that’s his role. Fucking off for the weekend is massively unreasonable.

Assuming you are in the UK you don’t need to worry about them going for “custody” which isn’t something that exists in the UK. He could get 50% residency but not for a long while yet as your baby is so little (exotic you are breastfeeding).
And not thing about this is you not coping or being a fit parent. His behaviour is that of an unfit parent. If he thought you were a danger to the child then why did he go away and leave her in your sole care?
Your FM is exactly the kind of support you need. Do reach out and listen to her.

And I’m also horrified that he didn’t immediately come home when you had high blood pressure in pregnancy.

Lot of people blaming the person who passed it on or calling them a sh*t stirrer. I'd prefer to know and I also would believe someone was acting in my best interests, and also actually acting instead of walking away/not getting involved.

Did MIL she even say that? Also what kind of person would then repeat this to a mother who is 3 weeks pp? Let alone following an emergency c section under GA. I agree with pp that whoever told you this is a shit stirrer. I’d wait til after the party, invite them both round (MIL and the shit stirrer) with husband present and have it out.

Like a lot of the other comments on here, in my opinion, he’s completely choosing his mum and “his family” over you and the new family you’ve created, at exactly the moment you need him the most. And it’s awful that it’s when you’re at your most vulnerable - physically and mentally, that he’s chosen to do this and he’s weaponising everything you’ve gone through (which is huge) and making you think you should be coping alone.

As a side, my husband’s mother did this to me, post our first child. And he went along with it as I struggled. In short, it wasn’t pleasant and ultimatums were given. It still gives me rage now and on behalf of others going through this and I hope when I’m the MIL one day, I remember this and I don’t become a ‘pick me’ when my sons have children.

I’m glad your FM has come over to support and I want to reassure that you are completely in the right and not overreacting. It’s dreadful that they are picking on you at your most vulnerable time. One day you will feel a lot stronger.

So he wasn't bothered you were upset? Sounds like a mummy's boy deadbeat dad, yet again.

What you had is a crash cesarean, they're incredibly traumatic and can take months to years to recover from, he should be taking your lead on this, not his mother's.

You married a mammy's boy. He picked her over you.

Your husband has abandoned you at your MILs' request......At the time you needed him the most.

He has completely failed in his duty of care to both you and your new baby.

This is not right OP, your MIL is devious and manipulating and your husband has allowed himself to be controlled by her, so he is a weak minded and shallow induvidual who has failed his family.

That is more than shamefull and there is more common sense in a kids drone with 30% battery life left.

So glad to read the house is yours.
Please photograph those messages.

Please tell the foster mum the truth and urgently contact your health visitor.

Please do not trust him or his family.
Email those screenshot to email so he cannot delete them.

I hate to worry you, but you really need protecting from him.

Even the slightest aggression, ring the police immediately.

He is in a conversation about taking your baby.

Of course it wouldn't be allowed, but the very idea that he would engage at all, means he is not on your team a d side.

Any information on his salary, get screenshots too.

We are here for you.
You poor pet.

I had an emergency C-section, with an epidural and I couldn't even bend to put my knickers on, let alone solely look after a newborn. Your husband should be utterly ashamed of himself for putting his Mum before his wife and newborn baby. Your MIL is a grown adult, and therefore her being 'upset' shouldn't have entered your husband's radar. His priority should be you OP and his child, not a party and definitely not his Mum.

The fact he's prioritised a wedding anniversary celebration weekend, and his Mum (and reading your updates this isn't the first time), doesn't bode well for the future. You need a very frank conversation with him, about putting his immediate family eg. You and your child before his Mum. If you can't get through to your husband that his immediate family eg. You and your child are his priority now, you are in for a whole lot of misery, with building resentment.

Your husband needs to grow some balls, and stand up for himself.

I couldn't have put it better. What a waste of skin this 'D'P and his family are.

To be honest if my partner did that and then I found out the MIL had been saying that I’d want rid of him and his horrible family!!

big red flag 🚩

Please don’t try and support any postnatal women ever with this attitude. She had an emcs , a different beast to a scheduled c, and was kept in for 4 days. Baby is colicky and op is doing a bloody awesome job. Her shit for brains dh, his even worse mum, and judgement like this can all get chucked in the fire.
op, not sure this is a battle you really want to fight. He’s choosing his batshit mum, and her batshit advice. You might have grown up in care but you’re doing amazingly. He didn’t and he’s a fucking tosser, so don’t base any judgement on how you grew up! Take care of yourself, take care of your baby, ask for help from people who will give it you, put none of your time and energy into supporting him.

It sounds like you are in a good position re your house and job, @RudaRudoRude .

Your MiL really is a terrible person, and your H clearly can't stand up to her at all.

I'm so sorry that, after having been in care yourself, this new family has turned out to be so toxic.
Hopefully they won't make the divorce too difficult.

You sound like a thoughtful, practical, and caring person. Your baby is lucky to have you as their mum.

Oh glad to hear its your house. Tell him to stay with mummy and daddy

Can you go and stay with your foster mum?

What did she say? (Sorry if I've missed it).

Whatever it was, initially your H told her you needed help (of course you do!) and he couldn't come.

Then he changed his mind.

He is not a good person, @RudaRudoRude , and is light years away from being a good husband.

And your PiL, especially MiL, sound really awful people.

I'm so sorry that these precious first weeks have been made unnecessarily stressful by his appalling behaviour.

Take care of your baby and yourself, do the minimum of house stuff, and later on when you're feeling stronger think about what you want to do about your marriage.

💐💐💐

wtaf ?? I could barely move at that stage. You definitely shouldn’t be left alone that’s poor form. Your husband should not have gone - or if he did go - for only 1-2 hours maximum.
ive heard it said that women remember how they were treated when they were vulnerable in pregnancy and post partum and it’s so true. I would find it hard to forgive DH and MIL. I don’t think I could ever move past it.