Page 20 | AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

RudaRudoRude · 2026-05-30T12:50:37+00:00

Name change as outing info before. I had an emergency c section 3 weeks ago. Baby was 3 weeks early but fine. My DH has gone for the weekend to his parents for a large family celebration. I haven’t gone because I’m still really sore. I had the c section done with general anaesthetic as it was a real emergency they didn’t have time to do a epidural. I said to DH about him not going because I could do with help with the baby. I’m on my own and don’t have my own parents. His mum got upset so he’s gone there to the weekend party. Now I’ve found out from a message from someone in his family who said to watch my back as my mil is implying that I can’t cope with the baby because I asked him to stay and he should look at leaving me and applying for custody. I can cope with the baby, I was only asking him to stay because I really am sore and with having to do everything myself until Monday it feels a lot. I don’t know if I’m just hormonal or this isn’t fair. I didn’t think it was unreasonable to ask him to stay but was it?

Katiebaby3009 · 31/05/2026 16:24

YANBU to feel upset and let down by this. He is really out of order and showing you exactly the type of Dad he plans to be. It’s not looking good! I would show him this thread.

Easterchicken · 31/05/2026 16:18

Your husband is a dick
His mother is worse
Id change the locks

Casuallydresseddeepinconversation · 31/05/2026 16:13

Chewbecca · 30/05/2026 14:38

I think you need some more support, it's quite unusual that you wouldn't be able to travel 3 weeks after a c section, just sit, let baby be passed around and attended to by family members for the weekend then go and collapse.

why should she have to have her newborn passed arround for the weekend tho and then go and collapse, the baby isnt a toy and the op has just had a major operation snd is breastfeeding, also it’s the wedding anniversary party of grandparents not something like a wedding or a funeral and a weekend away from home is a long time

ec5881 · 31/05/2026 16:13

Oh my love. Just to say I’m so glad you have the support of your FM. You deserve to be in a cocoon with your baby right now not this. Pray that you can somehow in the midst of the wild hormones and the genuine crap around you find security with your baby, your FM. He doesn’t sound great. If this is genuinely what he’s like you may be better off without him. Screenshot all the messages between them and from him etc. You will be ok your baby won’t be taken from you. Can you kick him out if that’s something you want to do? I’m sure people will have so many helpful tips on here but wanted to send you love really because it’s not you - it is her and him. You can be secure knowing the problem is them and he will not get custody. He is a prick for going, and she is a toxic horrible woman. Take care and look after yourself and lean on your FM, it sounds like she has your back xxxx

strawberrylemonade11 · 31/05/2026 16:07

I really feel for you OP. I had a c - section 3 months ago and I honestly wouldn’t have coped if my DH wasn’t around for the first 4 weeks.. if that was my DH he wouldn’t have discussed options with his mum, he would have discussed options with me and then told his mum was he was doing. Regardless if you’re hormonal or not, your DH is out of order for leaving you the whole weekend. I hope you are ok with the baby and be gentle with yourself. C- section recovery is not the easiest and you are not being unreasonable to ask him to stay.

Camomilecrumpet · 31/05/2026 16:03

ExtraOnions · 30/05/2026 14:36

Whoever has texted is at best thoughtless, at worse a shit-stirer … why on earth would they send you this message ? If they were genuinely concerned they would either be challenging it at source, or, coming round for a chat to see how you are (and then decide if you are in an emotionally stable state to hear this).

I don’t know, I think I would want to be warned. OP’s MIL is clearly not right in the head and it is quite a serious situation.

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/05/2026 16:02

With these sorts of people its never their fault for you being upset at them being vile, its your fault for finding the evidence!

I am afraid that this is one of those things that you can't unsee. Now you know what a shit he is, I am not sure what choice you have but to leave him, or rather kick him out. And dont worry, despite MIL kicking off and demanding the baby half the time no court in the world would make a breastfed new born spend anymore than a couple of hours at a time with the other parent, and usually that would be in their own home or at a contact centre.

TirednessOnToast · 31/05/2026 16:00

youalright · 30/05/2026 14:29

No it might even work in your favour as it says alot about his character

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This OP. Put your mind at rest.
You have your own physical recovery, a colicky newborn and a cowardly husband/selfish family to deal with. Do NOT fret about the message (but I'd be wary if your MIL anyway by her behaviour re Party)
Best 9f luck with your baby. You will be a great Mum xx

EarthSight · 31/05/2026 15:58

Littlejellyuk · 31/05/2026 15:26

It sounds like you married a wolf in sheep's clothing.
He hasn't cut the apron strings away from his mum and she is most definitely the matriarch of the family. 🫩

You cannot be molded into their ideal daughter in law, as you don't toe the family line, despite the fact that he married you (making out that you trapped him is disgraceful) so they seek to discard you, yet want to have their son seek custody of his progeny.
He married you because "people like us" don't have children out of wedlock.
They are all about the facade of how they look to others. You have seen behind their mask and seen the trolls for what they are. They are a pile of shite. You are better than them. 💯

Get as far away from this toxic twat of a family. They will grind you down. You deserve better than this, and so does your child.
Wishing you well and I hope you get support from those who care for you (your foster mum sounds wonderful). 💐
@RudaRudoRude

This.

EarthSight · 31/05/2026 15:57

RudaRudoRude · 30/05/2026 14:22

The one thing I wanted to know is could he apply for custody on this basis? With his mum backing him? Would this even be evidence that I had asked him to stay?

Sorry, but this is batshit and I think you must be very tired right now and spiralling into anxiety.

Just thinking about what you're asking - about if it's possible he will be rewarded custody just one the basis that you asked him to stay with you after you've had a caesarian. WTF??? Of course not!

You shouldn't have had to ask him not to go. He should have discussed it with you, and being willing not to go if you felt like you were going to be struggling, or just not gone at all.

tesstez · 31/05/2026 15:57

RudaRudoRude · 30/05/2026 15:55

They are my mother in laws parents. They have always been kind to me but I’ve only seen them at family events. My father in law wasn’t happy as the pregnancy wasn’t planned and we weren’t married, my husband then said we had to get married because his dad said this didn’t happen to people like them. We have been together for 4 years so it wasn’t a fling or anything. I don’t think his parents like me very much at all.

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my husband then said we had to get married because his dad said this didn’t happen to people like them

People like them meaning pathetic low lives who have zero respect, class or understanding of what family means.

OP, you need to watch your back with them.

Kokonimater · 31/05/2026 15:56

Shame on him. Why couldn’t he have gone for a few hours? This is horrible.

katyb84 · 31/05/2026 15:45

God lord I had a vaginal birth and 3 weeks later my fanny still hurt and my stomach from contracting back to shape , she had her stomach cut open stop trying to make her feel bad for her pain.

Wheresthebeach · 31/05/2026 15:45

You need out of this relationship. Lean on your FM for support and send her photos of the messages. Call women’s aid for support- I bet he will get worse when you say it’s over. Be prepared to block MiL and contact the police about harassment if she continues to contact you. she sounds truly awful. They will threaten all sorts to keep you in line. I’m sorry you’re going through this but you need to keep you and your baby safe.

Heidi2025 · 31/05/2026 15:41

I don’t have children, however have been following this post. Please know that we are all here for you and you have so much support. Your FM sounds absolutely lovely. Please keep us posted x

Blueberrybonanza · 31/05/2026 15:40

They sound awful, tell him not to bother coming back. Your FM sounds great.

tartyflette · 31/05/2026 15:40

That’s really awful, OP, I found it hard enough when DH went back to work after two weeks but at least he was there from about 5 pm until 8 the next morning.
(I had a c-section too, DS was very large and I had had a previous loss.)
And I can’t imagine for even one second my lovely late MIL saying anything so conniving, manipulative and generally appalling. But at least you’ve been forewarned.

Littlejellyuk · 31/05/2026 15:29

FunnyOrca · 31/05/2026 13:25

Your husband should not have been making any social arrangements from 38 weeks - 4 weeks post partum. Anything further on than that should have been a “we will see how we’re doing”
You not wanting to sleep in a hotel with a 3 week old will never be a reason to lose custody
Wanting support at 3 weeks postpartum is normal and not a sign of not coping
your husband is the abnormal one for leaving his 3 week old baby
Your MIL is a piece of work
Follow FM’s guidance. She sounds wonderful and if things did go to custody hearings etc, a fab person to have in your corner and to evidence in your child’s life as another (after you) stable supportive figure

This ☝️ 💯 👏

Littlejellyuk · 31/05/2026 15:26

It sounds like you married a wolf in sheep's clothing.
He hasn't cut the apron strings away from his mum and she is most definitely the matriarch of the family. 🫩

You cannot be molded into their ideal daughter in law, as you don't toe the family line, despite the fact that he married you (making out that you trapped him is disgraceful) so they seek to discard you, yet want to have their son seek custody of his progeny.
He married you because "people like us" don't have children out of wedlock.
They are all about the facade of how they look to others. You have seen behind their mask and seen the trolls for what they are. They are a pile of shite. You are better than them. 💯

Get as far away from this toxic twat of a family. They will grind you down. You deserve better than this, and so does your child.
Wishing you well and I hope you get support from those who care for you (your foster mum sounds wonderful). 💐
@RudaRudoRude

tinyspiny · 31/05/2026 15:24

Screen shot every message in case of deletions and as soon as he gets back tell him to leave . If your foster mum could stay that would help you to stay firm and if possible get her to pre pack his bags .

LarksAscending · 31/05/2026 15:18

Tell him to pick up his stuff when he’s ready and move back in with his mum. The baby is breastfeeding so he can visit baby at your house. Nobody can say you ‘trapped’ him when you’re perfectly happy to let him go now his colours are showing.

Harry12345 · 31/05/2026 15:14

That’s good you have retired, your view on post natal recovery would have had me feeling awful if you were my midwife, thankfully mine was so understanding that the first 6 weeks after a c-section is hard going, I struggled to pick my baby up for a few weeks without feeling faint

PurplePeopleEater · 31/05/2026 15:11

I’m so glad that you have your fm, she sounds like a great support.
Some people (including medical professionals) do not understand that the recovery from a crash section under general anaesthetic is very different from a cesarean with an epidural, both physically and mentally. If your mil is anything like mine she will be pissed off that you didn’t go because she couldn’t parade the baby round at the party like she had planned . 🫤 She doesn’t care about you and it seems that your husband has picked her side. There is no chance in hell that he will get “full custody” , as others have said he couldn’t even stay at home for the weekend to help with his 3 week old baby, hardly the committed father!
I would get your fm to help bag up some things for him to collect, you don’t need this crap at 3 weeks pp, or any time at all, mummy can have him all to herself!

Harry12345 · 31/05/2026 15:05

BreakingBroken · 30/05/2026 15:03

@AgnesMcDoo i had 3 c/s. am a retired midwife.
i’m not an ignorant dick.

That’s good you have retired, your view on post natal recovery would have had me feeling awful if you were my midwife, thankfully mine was so understanding that the first 6 weeks after a c-section is hard going, I struggled to pick my baby up for a few weeks without feeling faint

Thissideof40 · 31/05/2026 15:04

His mother sounds vile and he was out of order leaving you for a whole weekend. He’s prioritising his mother over his wife and new baby. Like what the hell?