AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

I just wanted to say as well - you mentioned being sad that your baby wouldn't have the perfect start and family... but your baby has an amazingly strong mum, a lovely grandma and grandad in your foster parents, even a supportive great-uncle in the picture. You've also got the police and sw all on your side. He's going to be just fine.

Hopefully your slimy ex will stay away long term and you can all forget about him. No Dad in the picture is better than having a horrible one around, and I say this as someone who grew up with no Dad around.

It's also a slight upside that your ex showed his true colours now, before your DC is old enough to have bonded with him and get confused by it all.

@Loopylou5
I'm not sure if you were just commenting but if you are looking for support may I suggest you make your own post. On the top right of this thread is a blue box with "Start thread" - click here and post away

You should hold your head up high OP. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're not good enough, or that you can't handle life, or that you can't be a wonderful mother to your child. You have handled this beautifully and have been so strong against truly horrible people, although I'm sure you haven't felt this way at times and I don't doubt that it has been very hard.

First time motherhood isn't for the faint hearted, let alone what you have had to manage. My second baby had colic and I found it incredibly hard, so I'm sorry you were going through that too - I hope your baby has settled now (and just to say my 2yo is now the happiest, sweetest, kindest little girl - I thought the colic would last forever 🙈)

You can do this. Lean on your support network as needed and take things one step at a time.

I am so so sorry. The silver lining of this though, there will be no chance of him getting custody of your baby now.

I’ve only read your posts OP and I just want to say what an incredibly strong, mature and wonderfully protective mummy you are. Your son is so lucky to have you. I honestly believe that you will get through all of this trauma and go on to have a happy life. Wishing you so much luck and strength to get through this.

It may be hard to see it now, but you should be so proud of how you have looked after yourself and your child. I definitely wasn't this sensible at 23. I wish you all the best life has to offer, you deserve it 💕

You should at least read all the OP's posts before commenting: just click 'see all'.

You said the MIL is Italian (born in the UK). Consult a solicitor to check if your baby is eligible for Italian citizenship, because with the correct paperwork, your STB ex husband could apply for citizenship and then an Italian passport. Does he himself have Italian citizenship ie passport? Italian authorities consider a child born to an Italian parent automatically Italian themselves. Meloni is changing how many generations back this can go, but I'd work on assumption your MIL is Italian, thus so is your husband.

That said, he'd need your permission to obtain this passport, and also to renew his own passport (once there are children involved, both parents have to authorise).

Op you are doing so well is such difficult circumstances, pleased you've got FP support to help you through this. Very glad they've been charged and hopefully you can get a restraining order.

Yeah - I just saw it popped up on the "trending", read the headline and the post and answered.

I've RTFT OP and just want to send you so much love - you've been through such an ordeal. So glad you've got the support of your ff. I really hope you can eventually move back home with your little one if it's safe to do so.

I don't know if you've been put in touch with your local domestic abuse services/victim support, but there are services out there that can give you some additional support, if you need it. Happy to give you a few ideas by PM if you need it, but no pressure (I work vaguely in this area, so happy to help if I can).

Thinking of you - I hope you are finding space to enjoy little one and recover well from the birth, through all of this 💐

What awful behaviour from MIL and your very weak excuse of a husband. All for a wedding anniversary! You have the MIL from hell I am sorry to say. Part of me feels that she wants her son back and with her grandson too. I just hope not. Life is hard enough without a scheming, nasty MIL who has her son under her thumb still and probably always will. This is a big betrayal to you at such a vulnerable time. I feel so sorry for you. You are going to have to learn to stand on your own two feet for you and your baby because he is such a weak man. I really doubt this will be the only time she will cause trouble. Personally I would have been very ashamed of my son if he did this. I hope that he may realise how unkind, unsupportive and useless he has been as a husband and also as a Father. My best wishes to you x

@MajorProcrastination - it also helps if you check to see the date of the first post before replying immediately to it. If there is a sudden flurry of posts over a month later, as with this thread, it will usually be because there has been a more recent update.

I have now. In my defence, there was a lot in the original post so I didn't think I needed to hunt for a drip feed. I know the follow ups aren't drip feeding, it's more and things which happened since the original post.

But from the other more recent responses, I'm not the only one to be only responding to the initial post and question.

OP, I'm so glad to hear that your foster parents are wonderful and a good support for you. I'm sorry about the stress you had with the police visit but I'm glad (and not surprised) that it was obvious that you're doing an amazing job as a loving mum AND that the call they'd received was vindictive harassment. I'm sorry for not fully understanding the whole context when I replied earlier today.

@RudaRudoRude - thank you so much for the update. I am sorry you have had to go through so much at what should have been a wonderful time for you to bond with your baby. I am so glad you have your wonderful FP looking after you and I hope that your ex did not cause your FM and you lasting damage by his assault. Ultimately, as pp have already said, it may well turn out to be “good” for you as under these circumstances there is no way he and his mother can claim that they are in the least bit eligible for sole custody of your baby. I should imagine if he is allowed to see the baby at all in future, it would be under supervised contact in a contact centre.
Good luck, I hope your baby is also doing better.

That's awful, stay safe with your FPs.

Thank goodness you have been so brave and strong dealing with this and getting away from him. You're doing an absolutely amazing job.

His true colours were always going to come out and you and your baby could have been trapped with this violent and despicable man.

You're a strong strong woman OP and you will get stronger as you stand up to these lowlifes.

I hope that with the support of your FP you're able to enjoy your baby 🌹

So sad for you, what a horrible family you got involved with. You and your precious baby will be better off away from them and I hope with all my heart you meet someone who deserves you. Sending you love and strength. x

@Loopylou5 start your own thread.

@MajorProcrastination please do OP courtesy of reading her posts. Just press 'see all' under her first post.

Oh my goodness OP. I hope though that this makes you 100% clear, in case you were ever wavering, that he is not a good man. You do not need him in your life. In fact, him assaulting you two - though horrific and no doubt emotionally scarring - is more proof for the courts that he can't be trusted with your baby. That at least is an upside.

You need to be remembering that this is not about you. This man and his mother clearly have a desperate need for control and you have taken their power by not begging after him and choosing to leave yourself. They can't bear it. You have proven yourself so far to be an excellent mother, despite poor role modelling from your birth mother, and a strong woman. Don't let him and his horrible family drag you down with them.

What a disgusting creature

And someone said this already but it sounds like your foster family sound like a perfect supportive family who look out for each other, and it's the ex who has a dysfunctional family.

I've just read your thread op and I'm in awe of how strong you are, you've handled this all so much better than I could have done. Your foster mum sounds like a legend too.

Fwiw I was so crippled after my first c section and could not cope alone for any length of time, my dh took a full 6 months off work and had to be a carer for me as well as look after the baby. I hobbled hunched over for weeks. I barely did anything except breastfeed on the sofa and eat ready meals. You're doing amazingly.

I'm so sorry you were assaulted, I really hope you and the baby are ok... it's kind of good that your ex and his mum have shown their true colours for the police so you can be kept safe. No way they can get custody of the baby now or try to argue you're an unfit mum.

Honestly your MIL is awful for still asking him to go when you have just had a baby (never mind the c section) and he is awful for going to anything beyond a couple of hours. But I guess when you have a baby guys sometimes start to show their true colours. Sorry you are going through this. I would have a serious conversation with him when he comes home.

Yikes. Post emergency c-section it’s very normal.

I was hospitalised again at 4 and 7 weeks after birth 1 with complications.

A few years later I was in an ambulance 6 weeks post section of birth 2.

It’s horrendous surgery. I recently had shoulder surgery (which was no where near as complicated as a c-section) and was told to lift nothing heavier than a small handbag for 6 months….

OP, the lack of support here by your DH and your MILs behaviour is appalling. Think long and hard about staying. If my DIL had been brought up in care and I knew, I’d be supporting her every step of the way as a new mum to help her feel the best she could be.

Custody?? She’s a joke.

No, he absolutely cannot do that! He has neglected you whilst you are doing your very best in awful circumstances. No one is going to take your baby from you. Please chat to your GP or health visitor ( do they still have them) and put your worries to rest.